Why it didn't work before and it will work now
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Why it didn't work before and it will work now
Hi,
I have seen a lot of comments where people are encouraging each other to understand why they drink, get to the root of the problem, which I think makes a lot of sense but find very hard to do. In my case it's not physical, it's not sadness, not anxiety, not stress, there's no clear cause, so I ll try and take a different approach here:
If you tried to do this before and it didn't work, what triggered it? What was the excuse you gave yourself that actually worked? I am hoping that by doing this it will help me and hopefully others to recognise and stop the behaviour before it happens.
My main one has got to be what I call "chain-linking". It sort of works like this: I decide I need to slow down and drink like a "normal person"; then I think of when the next "normal drinking situation" is, usually a dinner, party, a situation where social drinkers would be doing it, and I decide I will be drinking then but definitely not before; so a few days before I realise I am not a social drinker and will probably drink a lot more than everyone else at that event, so I should start now, which always leads back to the point I forget I am quitting and a few months down the line there I am again.
I actually did that yesterday, this is why I am on day one and not day 17, but I realised what I was doing and stopped after three drinks, so I can see something positive there.
I will not "chain link" anymore (or try and drink like a "normal person" by the way/).
P
I have seen a lot of comments where people are encouraging each other to understand why they drink, get to the root of the problem, which I think makes a lot of sense but find very hard to do. In my case it's not physical, it's not sadness, not anxiety, not stress, there's no clear cause, so I ll try and take a different approach here:
If you tried to do this before and it didn't work, what triggered it? What was the excuse you gave yourself that actually worked? I am hoping that by doing this it will help me and hopefully others to recognise and stop the behaviour before it happens.
My main one has got to be what I call "chain-linking". It sort of works like this: I decide I need to slow down and drink like a "normal person"; then I think of when the next "normal drinking situation" is, usually a dinner, party, a situation where social drinkers would be doing it, and I decide I will be drinking then but definitely not before; so a few days before I realise I am not a social drinker and will probably drink a lot more than everyone else at that event, so I should start now, which always leads back to the point I forget I am quitting and a few months down the line there I am again.
I actually did that yesterday, this is why I am on day one and not day 17, but I realised what I was doing and stopped after three drinks, so I can see something positive there.
I will not "chain link" anymore (or try and drink like a "normal person" by the way/).
P
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
I didn't really try "before." I didn't really want to stop drinking. The reason I finally did was b/c my husband filed for divorce and got temporary custody of our son. I decided to go to rehab and that's when I got sober. We now share 50/50 custody. Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by uncorked 
I didn't really try "before." I didn't really want to stop drinking. The reason I finally did was b/c my husband filed for divorce and got temporary custody of our son. I decided to go to rehab and that's when I got sober. We now share 50/50 custody. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i didnt give myself an excuse to get sober- excuses were for drinking, until i didnt need an excuse. it was as simple as i crossed the line into full blown alcoholism.
i got sober for a reason:
get sober or kill myself.
i got sober for a reason:
get sober or kill myself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
We're alcoholics,we'll never drink normal again.
I drank for all reasons, bitterness, happiness, to celebrate, to mourn.
You name it, there was always an occasion for me. And then it just became an every day event.
One that I thought about by the hour. And one that I was scared about before and after. Odd how something that started out helping give relief from stress, caused so much.
I'm glad you are figuring out what triggers you.
It truly becomes a self analysis of our own thought processes.
I drank for all reasons, bitterness, happiness, to celebrate, to mourn.
You name it, there was always an occasion for me. And then it just became an every day event.
One that I thought about by the hour. And one that I was scared about before and after. Odd how something that started out helping give relief from stress, caused so much.
I'm glad you are figuring out what triggers you.
It truly becomes a self analysis of our own thought processes.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes; i often decided i needed to drink like a "normal person".
while deciding this, i also knew i didn't want to drink like a "normal person". one drink or two were worse than none.
when i understood and accepted and knew without a doubt that "normal person" with regards to drink wasn't me, but entirely alien, i could stop.
when i knew it would never be different.
while deciding this, i also knew i didn't want to drink like a "normal person". one drink or two were worse than none.
when i understood and accepted and knew without a doubt that "normal person" with regards to drink wasn't me, but entirely alien, i could stop.
when i knew it would never be different.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Surrey
Posts: 65
For me, it is definitely the thought that I can drink like a normal person.
So when the opportunity arises - I think to myself, i'll just have two drinks. It's like i'm testing myself. It always fails.
It comes down to it being that I don't want to stop drinking forever. I want to be like the normies. Accepting that i'm not is so difficult for me.
So when the opportunity arises - I think to myself, i'll just have two drinks. It's like i'm testing myself. It always fails.
It comes down to it being that I don't want to stop drinking forever. I want to be like the normies. Accepting that i'm not is so difficult for me.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
When I quit, I went right to, 'I was an alcoholic, and I will never drink again'. It seemed easier to just put alcohol in any amount, firmly in the past. Drinking for me had changed forever a long time ago, there was never any illusion of being able to drink in any way other than alcoholically. That ship had sailed.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
Even if I occasionally managed a "normal" drink or two, the effect of those two would be totally absorbing my thoughts. I'd be obsessed with when I could drink again, even if I continued to try "normal" and wait a few days, those few days I would have drinking at the front of my mind. By the time I allowed myself to drink again, I'd be so obsessed I'd drink until I dropped.
What a crazy, exhausting, waste of my life. I knew this on some level for many years and so I drank alone a lot, as I was "managing it" that way.
I'm so glad I finally faced and tried the only way, no drink.
xx
What a crazy, exhausting, waste of my life. I knew this on some level for many years and so I drank alone a lot, as I was "managing it" that way.
I'm so glad I finally faced and tried the only way, no drink.
xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by resolute50
We're alcoholics,we'll never drink normal again.
I drank for all reasons, bitterness, happiness, to celebrate, to mourn.
You name it, there was always an occasion for me. And then it just became an every day event.
One that I thought about by the hour. And one that I was scared about before and after. Odd how something that started out helping give relief from stress, caused so much.
I'm glad you are figuring out what triggers you.
It truly becomes a self analysis of our own thought processes.
I drank for all reasons, bitterness, happiness, to celebrate, to mourn.
You name it, there was always an occasion for me. And then it just became an every day event.
One that I thought about by the hour. And one that I was scared about before and after. Odd how something that started out helping give relief from stress, caused so much.
I'm glad you are figuring out what triggers you.
It truly becomes a self analysis of our own thought processes.
P
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by KPForever
For me, it is definitely the thought that I can drink like a normal person.
So when the opportunity arises - I think to myself, i'll just have two drinks. It's like i'm testing myself. It always fails.
It comes down to it being that I don't want to stop drinking forever. I want to be like the normies. Accepting that i'm not is so difficult for me.
So when the opportunity arises - I think to myself, i'll just have two drinks. It's like i'm testing myself. It always fails.
It comes down to it being that I don't want to stop drinking forever. I want to be like the normies. Accepting that i'm not is so difficult for me.
Yes, I find that hard too. But then going through what we are going now has got to make us stronger in the future.Quitting drugs in the past surely has done that for me, I think the impact of quitting drinking will be even bigger.
P
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 127
1) I've spent so long off it that must mean I don't have a problem any more. I can moderate and be normal. This may work short term which reinforces this thought but before I know it I'm right back to where I started.
2) It's just for one night. This leads to a string of 'just one nights'
Won't work this time. I recognise the faulty thinking and av and have been burned before. I cannot touch one drop, it all comes down to that first sip. Simple.
2) It's just for one night. This leads to a string of 'just one nights'
Won't work this time. I recognise the faulty thinking and av and have been burned before. I cannot touch one drop, it all comes down to that first sip. Simple.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,025
Originally Posted by capricallia
1) I've spent so long off it that must mean I don't have a problem any more. I can moderate and be normal. This may work short term which reinforces this thought but before I know it I'm right back to where I started.
2) It's just for one night. This leads to a string of 'just one nights'
Won't work this time. I recognise the faulty thinking and av and have been burned before. I cannot touch one drop, it all comes down to that first sip. Simple.
2) It's just for one night. This leads to a string of 'just one nights'
Won't work this time. I recognise the faulty thinking and av and have been burned before. I cannot touch one drop, it all comes down to that first sip. Simple.
Lost count of how many times number 1 happenned, it's like reading my own thoughts.
No more though, I have a long way to go but the decision has already been made.
P
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by MrPL
What was the excuse you gave yourself that actually worked?
Just another lie the alcohol addict living in my head liked to tell. One that I wanted to believe. I quit believing that rascal's lies and my life got a lot better. I highly recommend it.
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
I had a two month sober period brought on by a concussion I received in a black out. I may have stopped drinking but I was just dry, not sober. It took a relapse followed by rehab for me to say I am never drinking again. And mean it.
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