MovingForward1

I know I'm an addict, I know why I do this but Jesus, where does it end for me? I guess I make that choice.
Over 20 years of drinking, crazy 'binges' at this point. Not even binges, I just don't stop. I can't drink more than a couple beers at a time. Used to be 18 or more in a day. I'm going to work soon, stupid, but I can't keep up with the no show. Not sure what I'll do in a few hours, find an excuse to leave early, a crisis, head to lunch by myself at a bar. I don't eat, sleep for maybe 2 hours at a time. Who am I fooling at this point?

FreeOwl

you know the answer to who you're fooling....

nobody.

but it doesn't matter who you're fooling.

It matters when you're ready to actually, honestly, fully, deeply CHOOSE to grab onto sobriety and make the very most of your cherished life..... which begins by actually cherishing it.

We can post and we can self-berate and we can wail and throw our arms up in despair "OHHHH WOE IS ME!!! I'VE DONE IT AGAIN!!".... and we can lead ourselves right back to our next binge.

Or

We can say "NOW is the time that I embrace a new me, a new vision for my life, a new way of being. NOW I choose to build the most abundant, full and present life I possibly can. NOW is the time I recognize and hold onto the fact that alcohol is inconsistent with that aim. NOW is the time I begin to take real ACTION to support my sobriety. TODAY, I will be sober, I will act to deepen sobriety, I will act to grow and live and improve. TODAY is the day that I cross the threshold into a better way of life"

And then we can get busy, DOING IT.

It's really up to you, you know it.

MovingForward1

Everything has to change. I don't even know how to start.

FreeOwl

I started by choosing.

Then I followed that up by going to AA

Then I reinforced that by reading the entire big book... three times with many other partial reads.

Then I added extra measure by seeing a counselor

Then I stopped going to bars or places that were all about booze

Then I made daily gratitude lists

Then I began trying new things to develop new interests around not drinking

Then I reconnected with fitness, running, the gym

Then I journaled

Then I asked for "Help"

Then I worked the first steps

Then I read and sought 'hero's' in recovery... finding stories of famous people I looked up to who were both "cool" and sober.

Then I envisioned a life without alcohol and how deep that could be.

Then I always made a plan ahead of time - what would I drink instead of alcohol, how would I respond when offered, how would I excuse myself and bail when I needed to, if cravings welled up.

Then I clearly established what I would do INSTEAD of drinking when cravings welled up.

Then I meditated.

Then I took it one day at a time, one challenge at a time....

Then days led on to days and gradually years....

And life got better.

And better.

And better.....

Lightning Bug

If you aren't doing anything to change then nothing is going to change.

PurpleKnight

Time to get a plan together MovingForward, it all starts with a Day 1 and and changing up your routines, get plenty of support into your day and make Sobreity happen.

It can be done, you can do this!!

2muchpain

Sounds to me like your in a situation that might require treatment or at least detox. If your missing so many days that you feel your job is on the line, now might be the best time for you to consider these options. For me, when my life was really messed up and I didn't know where to start, getting out of the environment to a safe place gave me time to figure out how to go forward. Hard to do it when you feel like your drowning. Good luck. John

August252015

What to do?

Don't drink today.
Pick a plan. I highly suggest AA. Go to a meeting- today.
Don't drink.
Go to another meeting.
Repeat, repeat.
Start eating better and sleeping (at all, then better).
See your doctor. Get a baseline for your health.
Don't drink.
Go to a meeting.
Keep repeating that pattern.
Listen and learn from those speaking, and look for the ones who have what you want- a clean, sober, RECOVERY (not just a life of not drinking).

Take care of yourself. Don't drink. Learn and grow- how do you want to live? What do you want it to look like? My bet is not sick, tired, faking productivity at work or feeling disgusting and disgusted with yourself.

There is help for you, but you must ask for it and seek it - and keep it in your life.

You can do it. ONLY you can do it. You CAN get to "the other side" and have a good life where you are proud of yourself.

Good luck making the right choices.

And don't drink today!

teatreeoil007

Whoa whoa whoa buddy. Easy now....

I know the urgency to change is great and it sounds like you're feeling pretty icky right about now. But remember that we all change one day at a time and it's a process. Yes, sometimes DRASTIC change is the way to go about it. But, speaking for myself, the most drastic change was the change that happened inside of myself first...most all the other changes I've made and am still making took a bit more time. I'll call it the outward stuff. The biggest change I started with was to commit to not drinking [today]...

Soberwolf

Stick with us make a day 1 accept this & move forward brother

Dee74

Some great ideas here MovingForward.
It all really starts with you tho.

why not start with a plan that you tailor to your own needs?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Anna

Lots of good advice here. Start slowly. Make one small change and see how it affects your day. Make a list of things to do and cross off at least one a day. It doesn't have to be overwhelming. You can do this!

MovingForward1

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. I'm going into rehab as soon as they can accept me, I expect a call back today. They won't take me until I've significantly detoxed, scary, but I'm ready.

teatreeoil007

You won't regret it.

August252015

Glad to hear it! You can do it.

2muchpain

Great news!! John

Ruby2

I think that's a great start. I was an every day drinker who had a laundry list of stupid excuses about why I wasn't at work, why I wasn't feeling well, why my kids weren't feeling well, why I had to leave early, etc etc etc I had to go to detox and inpatient treatment to finally kick the cycle of drink withdrawal so drink some more, rinse repeat. It's agony. Start with rehab, then keep going. It gets better.

Delilah1

I'm glad you are going to rehab, I hope you are able to get in soon. Are you able to see your doctor this weekend to help with withdrawls?

2muchpain

How ya doing today? John

MovingForward1

I'm still here, going through withdrawal, no Dr this weekend but at least I'm drying out. Thank you for the follow up, I've just been reading when I can get my eyes to focus.