noneever

I'm in tears. I drank a bottle and a half of wine last night. So many times of saying never again. So many times of telling myself just take it one day at a time. I don't trust myself and I'm so scared that I can't do this. Sooner or later, I drink. The message just isn't sinking in. I want so badly to never drink again, to have a good life. I feel so alone.

2ndhandrose

You are not alone on SR, (((noneever)))

Have faith

coingod

Im really lonely too. Especially dealing with alcoholism by myself. Thats why i cane here.

When i first started sobering up and failed many times. Dont beat yourself up. Just learn from it. I know you probably got that hangover lingering. Want to feel like that all the time? I dont. Im looking forward to the day where i feel great. When im healed up. Mentally clear. Emotionally stabler.Better relationship. More vitality. Its not that far away. ****...Tomorrow will be a little better...a couple weeks ir months...woooooooo

Linz805

Sorry to hear. Last time I drank was almost 38 days ago. I drank so much I don't remember a darn thing past 8 pm. Nothing! I had to pick myself up and not let it get me down. You can do the same. Be kind to yourself. My counselor is huge on good self talk. That is something I am learning. If I drank I don't know if I would have the guts to admit it so job well done there!

Nowsthetime

What happened?

Why did you drink?

You are not alone. We are here to support you.

Dee74

Hi nooneever

I didn't think I could do it either.,..but I committed to always ALWAYS asking for help before I drank.

That's never let me down yet

I realise the site was down yesterday and I'm sorry for that - but it makes it even more important that we have more than one stream of support of think?

I truly think anyone who is capable of signing up here and posting is capable of getting and staying sober - maybe your recovery plan just needs a little work?

What's your plan like?

D

Upward2Enlightenment

recovery plans- what they are are how to make them:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

tips to deal with cravings:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

noneever

Dee, you're absolutely right- this has made me realise I can't use SR for support on it's own. So I'm heading to a SMART group tomorrow after yoga and then an AA meeting Saturday night.

Why did I drink? Because I felt lonely and allowed ruminating and negative thoughts to derail me. I wanted respite from the incessant crappy thoughts.

Dee74

Have a look at ups Recovery Plan link too - can't have too many irons in the fire Noneever

D

PurpleKnight

Sounds like a great tweak to your plan Noneever, when my plan wasn't working it was time to change up the plan, just by changing something can make all the difference.

You can do this!!

fred59

noneever I like your game plan I would rather stay home but I am commited to 1 AA meeting 1 Smart Recovery meeting and 1 LifeRing meeting a week, nothing like face to face peer support recovery
good luck

Dame

Hi noneenver,

I'm so envious that you have SMART meetings where you live. I would SO be all over that!
72 days ago you couldn't have convinced me that my detox would lead to anything good. I was in shock and very sick. I would only sleep 10 hours per WEEK. But things did gradually get better. I still have far to go, but the paralyzing fear is diminishing.
Our bodies and minds want to heal, truly. But they can't until we stop drinking. I suppose some people can remain sober for awhile or greatly reduce and feel benefits, but I loved being a non-drinker and want that again. You have the desire to move forward, and you CAN do it.

Delizadee

Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Rework a stronger plan that makes use of face to face support. It's ok to fall down as long as you get back. I relapsed 3.5 months ago and it really does get harder to get sober each time you relapse. Put the shame to rest and work on your recovery every day and remember you're worth it and also congratulate yourself with every little and big good thing you do! I know what it feels like too, to feel like hiding in shame instead of stepping out in vulnerability. That's where the courage is and the capacity for change and growth.
Sometimes you have to hit a lot of dead ends or take wrong turns before you figure out your right path. Don't give up on you. Love yourself enough to keep reaching out for help when you need it.

FarToGo

Something I read on here helped a lot with those crappy thoughts,
"Feelings (thoughts) are not facts". It just helps to have a bit of distance from the "ruminating". They will pass and drinking will never help.
Hope this might be useful to you too.
Sending love.
xx

Hevyn

Noneever - sometimes we need further proof that it makes us miserable & never enhances our life. You learned something - picking up never takes us where we think it will. There's no relief, no peace to be found in that bottle. You will get it right - and we're always here.

Dee74

hows it going noneever?

D

Anna

I hope you're feeling better Nonever!

Hevyn

Me too.

noneever

Hi all. I didn't drink last night, which is great but it's my usual pattern. I drink, have a night or two or three, maybe 4 without drinking and then I drink again.
I'm feeling a lot calmer today. I'm cutting out coffee as I've realised it makes me feel really anxious. Anxiety is a big trigger for me. I threw out my journal yesterday- it's embarrassing how angsty and self pitying my entries were. I'm starting a new journal today, in which I'm going to focus on the positives of being sober and the good things in my life.
I'm spending the day watching the olympics and sending off job applications. I don't enjoy my current job and I've rung in sick so many times that it's in dire straits anyway. Has been for the last year. I have little respect for my job and I feel like there's a black mark on my name which is demoralising. I feel like a fresh start is needed.
Thanks for the support, it helps so much.

Hevyn

You sound much better - very glad to hear from you. I hope you'll find a job you can enjoy.