ajarlson

So the drama continues. My mother who passed away a couple weeks ago, made me the sole beneficiary of everything that she could. She did not have a will so her townhome, bank accounts and instruments are the only things in the "estate" that would be split. My brother has hired a lawyer to get things through probate and I have done legwork on selling the instruments. The townhome won't net a large sum as she owed quite a bit on it, and he is running around looking at all her policies and pensions etc and is getting irritated with the fact that I am getting it all. I have told him that if he wants to put in the time and money on the townhome he can have whatever proceeds he can get out of it, I will sign my share over to him. I have also agreed to give him any money in the bank accounts to help with the fees and such, and we have agreed to split the instrument sales proceeds. He is pushing me to share her policies and pensions but I feel that she left them to me for a reason. Namely, that she abandoned me as a child while she raised him, and that I took care of her as an adult while he lived across the country and never even visited her. But he is starting to push and I am starting to feel a lot of anxiety about it. I feel like I have given him more than enough by letting him take the townhome and bank accounts (he thinks he can make 20k on it) and am avoiding his texts at this point until I get all the insurance and pension information.
Just had to vent, I'm at work and can't concentrate, I am anxious and I don't know why. Legally it's mine and he can't touch it. We have never been close so "losing" him now wouldn't be that big of a deal but I just don't want to deal with this.

ajarlson

Also, he has been disingenuous with me regarding the policies and pension. He told me they would all be "split" between her two children which, when I looked into them, is absolutely not the case as she had clearly designated her beneficiary (me). Not sure if he was just mistaken, or trying to con me, but it's not sitting well because now that he does know, he is sending me messages like "are you just going to keep it all?". Waiting to answer until I have all the information but most likely the answer is going to be something along the lines of:

My plan is to keep any funds that I am the designated beneficiary on, such as the life insurance and pension. Everything else we can split 50/50, except for the condo and her bank accounts (to help out with the costs of the condo), which I had planned on signing over to you. That is still my plan for the condo and bank accounts at this point, unless you have decided you don't want the task of handling the condo.

As an ACoA I do not trust my decision making abilities especially in regards to my mother. My fiance and children are supporting my decision to keep what is outright legally mine and give him the condo and bank accounts.
And I don't know if that's too generous, not generous enough, or if it's just... OK.

MikeH

I think you are being more than generous. You haven't given us any $$ amounts (and I don't expect you too), but he should not get more than 1/2, period. Probably a lot less than 1/2... Especially since your fiance and children agree with you... those are the people you should be listening to.

ajarlson

Well, total he will probably not get half as she designated all policies to me, but it will depend on how much he can get out of the condo. It will also depend on how much is left in her pension (which she left solely to me).
I am sure there is anger on his part that I had gone no contact with her so he feels like she wouldn't have wanted it this way now, but the fact remains I am the only one that EVER took care of her... so there's that...
Either way someone will get more than the other. I don't really care. He does.
It's just good to have feedback from non-interested parties and I don't see my counselor again for a couple weeks

biminiblue

I've had to deal with family members and money and death and inheritances. Ugh. It gets unnecessarily ugly at times, but keep pushing forward and get it done as quickly as possible.

I pray you find peace in this difficult time.

ajarlson

Thanks it really shook me when he sent the email that said "so you're just going to keep it all?"
My answer is yes, if it was designated to me. But figured I would wait until we knew what "all" is before saying it. I was really hoping he wouldn't be like this.

ajarlson

Oh and by the way, FWIW - we are not talking huge amounts here. It's not like I am getting 100k or anything. Maybe enough to pay off a couple credit cards.

CodeJob

You've already given him more than enough. Just say, I will follow mom's written direction on these issues. You were designated beneficiary, and that is that.