Do I need treatment? Opinions appreciated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
Do I need treatment? Opinions appreciated.
Hi. Apologies for the long post.
I'm in my mid 40's and before January, I had been a very, very light social drinker. I had occasional alcoholic drinks in college, but never got drunk. I frequently wouldn't have any alcohol at all for months at a time, and I think the only other time I ever got buzzed/drunk in my life was at my bachelor party 17 years ago.
I have drank quite a bit of hard liquor since January, which became almost daily over the past month. My poor excuse was severe stressful issues with my wife. I have developed some tolerance to alcohol. I've thrown up from drinking twice and I haven't missed work even one day from being hungover.
On the morning of Tuesday, August 2nd, I rear-ended another car on the way to work. I had *not* been drinking. No one was seriously injured but my 2015 car may be totaled. That evening, I was so down about the other stresses and the accident that I got so drunk that I was scared for my life. I confessed my drinking to my wife. She had known I had been drinking some but she didn't know the true extent. She was livid...even though she had known I was drinking more than I used to. About the most she ever drinks at one time is half a wine cooler, which makes her sleepy.
The next morning (Wednesday) after getting so drunk, I decided I didn't want to do that ever again. I threw out all of my hard liquor.
Thursday night, she temporarily kicked me out even though I had no transportation. Although I still had several cans of beer, I didn't take any with me when I grabbed a few bottles of water from the fridge. I walked 2.5 miles (thanks Fitbit) and came within sight of several liquor stores and a bar. Despite my anger at her, my despair, and my freedom at that moment to do whatever I wanted, I did not get any alcohol. I ended up walking back home.
Friday, I dumped out the cans of beer one by one in her presence. I don't know how many there were, I didn't count them and I didn't care.
I wasn't forced to get rid of the alcohol; it was my idea. I haven't swallowed a drop of alcohol in the last 6 days and I feel so much better. I do not feel as though I require alcohol to live. I do not feel trapped by it and I don't feel controlled by it. Also, I actually had unrelated blood work done in June and my liver tests were all normal.
Here's my question, friends: Do I need some kind of outpatient treatment or AA?
My wife says an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic, but she always sees things as black or white, no shades in between.
If a person has been drinking steadily heavier over 7 months, is that as difficult to treat as someone who has been drinking heavily for several years?
Thank you for reading my long post.
I'm in my mid 40's and before January, I had been a very, very light social drinker. I had occasional alcoholic drinks in college, but never got drunk. I frequently wouldn't have any alcohol at all for months at a time, and I think the only other time I ever got buzzed/drunk in my life was at my bachelor party 17 years ago.
I have drank quite a bit of hard liquor since January, which became almost daily over the past month. My poor excuse was severe stressful issues with my wife. I have developed some tolerance to alcohol. I've thrown up from drinking twice and I haven't missed work even one day from being hungover.
On the morning of Tuesday, August 2nd, I rear-ended another car on the way to work. I had *not* been drinking. No one was seriously injured but my 2015 car may be totaled. That evening, I was so down about the other stresses and the accident that I got so drunk that I was scared for my life. I confessed my drinking to my wife. She had known I had been drinking some but she didn't know the true extent. She was livid...even though she had known I was drinking more than I used to. About the most she ever drinks at one time is half a wine cooler, which makes her sleepy.
The next morning (Wednesday) after getting so drunk, I decided I didn't want to do that ever again. I threw out all of my hard liquor.
Thursday night, she temporarily kicked me out even though I had no transportation. Although I still had several cans of beer, I didn't take any with me when I grabbed a few bottles of water from the fridge. I walked 2.5 miles (thanks Fitbit) and came within sight of several liquor stores and a bar. Despite my anger at her, my despair, and my freedom at that moment to do whatever I wanted, I did not get any alcohol. I ended up walking back home.
Friday, I dumped out the cans of beer one by one in her presence. I don't know how many there were, I didn't count them and I didn't care.
I wasn't forced to get rid of the alcohol; it was my idea. I haven't swallowed a drop of alcohol in the last 6 days and I feel so much better. I do not feel as though I require alcohol to live. I do not feel trapped by it and I don't feel controlled by it. Also, I actually had unrelated blood work done in June and my liver tests were all normal.
Here's my question, friends: Do I need some kind of outpatient treatment or AA?
My wife says an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic, but she always sees things as black or white, no shades in between.
If a person has been drinking steadily heavier over 7 months, is that as difficult to treat as someone who has been drinking heavily for several years?
Thank you for reading my long post.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 36
Honestly I think you might be a heavy drinker but it doesn't sound like you are an alcoholic. you could become an alcoholic at some point if things keep slowly progressing. But at my worst I was getting black out drunk, every night, for over a year. I also started drinking when I was fourteen. So it sounds like you are just kind of going through experimental years later in life. Even if you can drink in moderation though I would suggest NOT using it as an crutch for stress that's when mine compounded, when I got divorced and it really went south. But an alcoholic can't stop drinking once we start. It's like auto pilot, even if you wanted to or attempted to try to drink in moderation all of that goes out the window the second you take that first drink.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Only you can decide whether you are an alcoholic. Sure, there are signs to look for but do they apply to you? I don't know.
An alcoholic usually is an alcohol abuser but s heavy drinking alcohol abuser isn't necessarily an alcoholic. Read through the threads here to see if you identify with any.
At the least, you probably don't want to keep drinking like you've been doing. Stick around for s bit.
An alcoholic usually is an alcohol abuser but s heavy drinking alcohol abuser isn't necessarily an alcoholic. Read through the threads here to see if you identify with any.
At the least, you probably don't want to keep drinking like you've been doing. Stick around for s bit.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Bern
Posts: 72
I am no doctor and I am only offering you my
opinion as an alcoholic.
If you had tests on your liver and they were
normal, then I would suggest that your drinking
is systematic of other things and in my opinion
as an alcoholic I don not think you are one but
you may be heading that way as others have
said.
Maybe your behaviour is a reaction to your wife's
black and white attitude to things. I would seek
relationship help first. Starting by talking to your
wife, or Relate or what you have in the US.
And for anyone, heavy drinking solves nothing.
If you are worried, see a doctor.
Hope that helps and good luck!!
opinion as an alcoholic.
If you had tests on your liver and they were
normal, then I would suggest that your drinking
is systematic of other things and in my opinion
as an alcoholic I don not think you are one but
you may be heading that way as others have
said.
Maybe your behaviour is a reaction to your wife's
black and white attitude to things. I would seek
relationship help first. Starting by talking to your
wife, or Relate or what you have in the US.
And for anyone, heavy drinking solves nothing.
If you are worried, see a doctor.
Hope that helps and good luck!!
Last edited by Hammers; 08-08-2016 at 01:19 PM. Reason: Spelling
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
How are you feeling? Is the urge to drink frequent and overpowering? Have you decided that you are done with alcohol for good?
I am untrained, and only have my own alcoholism to use as a reference. But for me, I knew that I couldn't drink any longer. Too many bad things had happened in my life because of alcohol. Whether I met some standard for alcoholism was less important than my conclusion: I can't drink anymore. Ever.
Once I made that commitment, then it was just like a math formula. Or a recipe. What tools were necessary for me to overcome the urges, to face my stress and anxiety, to live life without alcohol?
You have an entire toolbox at your disposal. From inpatient, to outpatient, to AA, to us here at SR, etc., etc. You don't need to use every tool in the tool box. Just use the tools that you need to get the job done.
But first you need to decide what the job is, right?
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
I am untrained, and only have my own alcoholism to use as a reference. But for me, I knew that I couldn't drink any longer. Too many bad things had happened in my life because of alcohol. Whether I met some standard for alcoholism was less important than my conclusion: I can't drink anymore. Ever.
Once I made that commitment, then it was just like a math formula. Or a recipe. What tools were necessary for me to overcome the urges, to face my stress and anxiety, to live life without alcohol?
You have an entire toolbox at your disposal. From inpatient, to outpatient, to AA, to us here at SR, etc., etc. You don't need to use every tool in the tool box. Just use the tools that you need to get the job done.
But first you need to decide what the job is, right?
Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
If alcohol is causing problems in your life, then stopping drinking is the obvious answer. The line we cross is invisible, but once we cross it, we can't go back. Do you want to stop drinking? If so, take a look around here and you will find lots of ideas and support.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Addicted to alcohol equals alcoholic. It is a title. I am one. I would never admit that outside of this place.
Physically we can recover. Mentally, we always run the risk of relapse.
It is a big deal. People die over this thing. Toying w drinking is like playing w a loaded gun.
Physically we can recover. Mentally, we always run the risk of relapse.
It is a big deal. People die over this thing. Toying w drinking is like playing w a loaded gun.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Sydney, Aus
Posts: 262
Hi, notdrinking. 
Like Ruby said, it's up to you to decide what label you put on yourself. But, it does sound like alcohol is causing some problems in your life - the issue with the car, the relationship with your wife.
Wine was my drink of choice and I wasn't a daily drinker (about four times per week), so I probably drank less units per week than you. But, like you, alcohol was a problem in my life.
I've not lost my family or any relationships over it (yet).
I've not lost a job to it (yet).
I've not driven drunk (yet).
But I never seemed able to stop after the first glass; I'm not a person who can moderate. I choose to label myself alcoholic. It's a reminder that I'm playing with fire if I ever choose to pick up a drink ever again. And I'm aware of where this path can lead - there's a lot of yets there, hey?
I primarily use this place for support, but I am going to a SMART recovery meeting on Thursday (at 3 months since my last drink). Because more support is better than less, right? And I want to be sure I'm doing everything I can to stay stopped. Figure out what level of support you need to ensure alcohol stops being that negative thing in your life.
Stick around. SR is a good place for people who find that alcohol has neagtive consequences for their life.
Like Ruby said, it's up to you to decide what label you put on yourself. But, it does sound like alcohol is causing some problems in your life - the issue with the car, the relationship with your wife.
Wine was my drink of choice and I wasn't a daily drinker (about four times per week), so I probably drank less units per week than you. But, like you, alcohol was a problem in my life.
I've not lost my family or any relationships over it (yet).
I've not lost a job to it (yet).
I've not driven drunk (yet).
But I never seemed able to stop after the first glass; I'm not a person who can moderate. I choose to label myself alcoholic. It's a reminder that I'm playing with fire if I ever choose to pick up a drink ever again. And I'm aware of where this path can lead - there's a lot of yets there, hey?
I primarily use this place for support, but I am going to a SMART recovery meeting on Thursday (at 3 months since my last drink). Because more support is better than less, right? And I want to be sure I'm doing everything I can to stay stopped. Figure out what level of support you need to ensure alcohol stops being that negative thing in your life.
Stick around. SR is a good place for people who find that alcohol has neagtive consequences for their life.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Lots of good feedback here.
At the end of the day, only you know the answer. But it's important to remember that alcoholism is progressive. If I could travel back in time and witness the increase -- both in volume and frequency -- of my drinking, I know I'd have been shocked. I quit drinking and have never regretted it.
At the end of the day, only you know the answer. But it's important to remember that alcoholism is progressive. If I could travel back in time and witness the increase -- both in volume and frequency -- of my drinking, I know I'd have been shocked. I quit drinking and have never regretted it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Sounds like you were starting to slide down the slippery slope into alcohol dependence, and the smart course is to stop drinking because, as others have pointed out, it's sneaky and progressive. You may not be an alcoholic yet, but if you continue to drink, you may well end up as one.
That's certainly what happened to me. I was a normal occasional social drinker until my late 30s, when, for reasons no better than yours, I gradually began drinking more heavily. Before I knew it, I was addicted and couldn't turn it around until I reached my early 50s, by which time the damage to my life and health was extensive.
7 months of escalating drinking doesn't define you as a full-blown alcoholic, whatever your wife may think. The inability to stop drinking does. If you can stay stopped on your own without an overwhelming compulsion to try to drink "normally" again, then I wouldn't think you need treatment for alcoholism.
What I would think you might need, based on the account you presented here, at least, is marriage counseling.
That's certainly what happened to me. I was a normal occasional social drinker until my late 30s, when, for reasons no better than yours, I gradually began drinking more heavily. Before I knew it, I was addicted and couldn't turn it around until I reached my early 50s, by which time the damage to my life and health was extensive.
7 months of escalating drinking doesn't define you as a full-blown alcoholic, whatever your wife may think. The inability to stop drinking does. If you can stay stopped on your own without an overwhelming compulsion to try to drink "normally" again, then I wouldn't think you need treatment for alcoholism.
What I would think you might need, based on the account you presented here, at least, is marriage counseling.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Here's my question, friends: Do I need some kind of outpatient treatment or AA?
one way to help yourself get more clarity on that is to stop drinking for six months. see how that goes.
what's your reaction to just that suggestion?
one way to help yourself get more clarity on that is to stop drinking for six months. see how that goes.
what's your reaction to just that suggestion?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome to SR! I think any of us who find ourselves on this site have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Somehow we googled something that brought us here, and we are searching for answers surrounding our drinking. I don't think you need to worry about the label. From your post it appears alcohol is having a negative inpact on your life, and you want to change that.
Perhaps this site is all you will need, I read and post here daily, and check in with my January class. You should join the August class for others starting out this month. If you feel you need more support there are lots of face to face groups: AA, SMART, Life Ring, you may also want to look into counseling to see if there is something underlying that caused you to make these choices over the past seven months.
Reach out as much as you need, I'm glad you are here!
Perhaps this site is all you will need, I read and post here daily, and check in with my January class. You should join the August class for others starting out this month. If you feel you need more support there are lots of face to face groups: AA, SMART, Life Ring, you may also want to look into counseling to see if there is something underlying that caused you to make these choices over the past seven months.
Reach out as much as you need, I'm glad you are here!
My brain is trying to kill me
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Palo Alto, ca
Posts: 401
Go to the AA central office or a meeting, stay or not, or go to amental health facility...all you want is the AA pamphlet of twenty questions, "do you think you may be an alcoholic" it may be blue...anyway, start with that; you may even find it online.
Go from there, if you want to continue considering sobriety/treatment options then do it; if you think you can drink normally do a couple "tests" #1- you are 6 days sober, can you go 30 days without craving? #2- drink "normie" for a month, can you, or do you 'crave' and fixate on the next "opportunity"
So, do that. We're mature, reasonable, rational adults...but we may also have a disease, that of alcoholism. If so we need to treat it as a disease with a recovery plan for the rest of our lives.
Hope this helps! You can do "IT" whatever it is!
Go from there, if you want to continue considering sobriety/treatment options then do it; if you think you can drink normally do a couple "tests" #1- you are 6 days sober, can you go 30 days without craving? #2- drink "normie" for a month, can you, or do you 'crave' and fixate on the next "opportunity"
So, do that. We're mature, reasonable, rational adults...but we may also have a disease, that of alcoholism. If so we need to treat it as a disease with a recovery plan for the rest of our lives.
Hope this helps! You can do "IT" whatever it is!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
Wow! Thank you all for your comments and feedback.
I felt very depressed last night but I still haven't had a drop...even though we still have a couple of sealed bottles of wine (one from the Biltmore House) and a couple of wine coolers in the house. I did ask my wife if I could drink a diet ginger ale and she said that was fine
I also know that after a period of time without drinking, my body will lose its tolerance to alcohol so that if I were to drink, it wouldn't take as much as alcohol to...cause problems.
Yes, definitely trying to sort out my marriage and whether it can or cannot be salvaged. We were having severe problems before I started drinking. She didn't trust me because...well, can I just say that I made a poor decision last spring and I confessed my poor decision last June? So, my sneaking around drinking only added to the mistrust, and, except for when I was throwing up, she usually had no idea when I was heavily buzzed/drunk. I guess I hid it well.
I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me.
I felt very depressed last night but I still haven't had a drop...even though we still have a couple of sealed bottles of wine (one from the Biltmore House) and a couple of wine coolers in the house. I did ask my wife if I could drink a diet ginger ale and she said that was fine
- Do I think about drinking? It crosses my mind several times a day.
- Have I done it? No.
- Have I started the motion of obtaining alcohol - like stopping at the store or reaching for alcohol and then stopping myself even once? No.
- Why did I get drunk? Because I wanted to.
- Could I have stopped drinking if I wanted to? I'm pretty sure I could have, but I totally accept that I may be in denial. I remember drinking because I wanted to, not because I felt forced to, but I know that this "decision" vs. compulsion is an almost frictionless slope.
- Am I going to an AA meeting tonight? Yes, the same one I went to last week but didn't mention in my original post.
- Am I going to hang around here, read posts, and hopefully contribute? Most definitely!
I also know that after a period of time without drinking, my body will lose its tolerance to alcohol so that if I were to drink, it wouldn't take as much as alcohol to...cause problems.
Yes, definitely trying to sort out my marriage and whether it can or cannot be salvaged. We were having severe problems before I started drinking. She didn't trust me because...well, can I just say that I made a poor decision last spring and I confessed my poor decision last June? So, my sneaking around drinking only added to the mistrust, and, except for when I was throwing up, she usually had no idea when I was heavily buzzed/drunk. I guess I hid it well.
I still have a lot of hard work ahead of me.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
Good to see you are asking questions and trying to figure things out.
Should you go into a Rehab? Only you know and your doctor can answer that. But from what I have read here from you... I don't think it is necessary... YET.
Fixing life is so much easier sober. It just takes 'That huge weight" off one's shoulders.
Should you go into a Rehab? Only you know and your doctor can answer that. But from what I have read here from you... I don't think it is necessary... YET.
Fixing life is so much easier sober. It just takes 'That huge weight" off one's shoulders.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Pacific Coast
Posts: 785
Sounds like a good plan, ND, and a good insight about the "frictionless" slope that can lead to compulsive drinking.
I like the suggestion of an abstinence goal -- 90 days is a good start. If you can stay 100% sober for that long without any discomfort or "white-knuckling," then you probably don't have a serious alcohol problem... yet. Plus, you'll have the advantage of being able to tackle the primary problems in your life and marriage with a clear head.
Hope you stick around here at SR!
I like the suggestion of an abstinence goal -- 90 days is a good start. If you can stay 100% sober for that long without any discomfort or "white-knuckling," then you probably don't have a serious alcohol problem... yet. Plus, you'll have the advantage of being able to tackle the primary problems in your life and marriage with a clear head.
Hope you stick around here at SR!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
