PrinzessinD

I am really early in my 2nd recovery. I am 35 and have drank pretty heavily since I was 26. I have made a commitment to quit for good. However, I've basically in a nice way had to tell some friends recently to go kick rocks. I don't know if I never noticed that they sucked before because I always had this glaze over my brain telling me it was ok.

The one thing that is really bothering me, my family is really not supporting me, and recently since I've quit drinking it's almost as if they are creating drama on purpose because they know I'm moving on and helping myself. My question is, has anybody else in this support group had to cut off ties with friends and also family members such as brothers, parents, people you've known for almost a decade? I really want to succeed and work on myself, I feel like I can't do that with people poking at me while I'm already going through an array of feelings giving up a crutch I've depended on for so long. Thank you for listening.

MidnightRider

Hi - I have been cutting off ties with friends and a couple co-workers. I imagine they soon will stop inviting me to things (which is OK).

But I have not told anyone that I'm in recovery.. except my wife and a close family member. Interestingly, Both didn't understand "why I couldn't drink normally and just have 1-2 drinks on a Sat night". I guess it's true that not every one has a problem drinking. So they don't understand when we say we quit.

If your friends and family are creating drama and it is causing you stress.......YOU must do what's best for YOU and your recovery. You will need to distance yourself.

Stay close to SR !

Soberwolf

In short yes I keep my family at a arms distance thier not bad people but protecting sobriety is the no 1 priority even if they don't understand it & are unsupportive let that be this is your thing & always comes here cos it's our thing too and we understand exactly what your saying

Know your not alone come here read & keep reaching out bud

Ruby2

Yes and no. I haven't cut out relationships because in the end I didn't hang out with drinkers anyway. I drank alone. My family is small and doesn't drink and isn't prone to drama so I was lucky. However, early on in sobriety I sought out drama and it wasn't hard to find or manufacture. In early sobriety the emotions tend to be all over the place. So even if there wasn't drama, I'd misinterpret what was going on. I had to step back from people for a while and take care of myself. Sounds like you're on the right track in thinking this through.

Hammers

I have done that too. I have erased numbers
from my phone of people who could potentially
put me ask risk, when I say risk, people who
would offer me a drink. That does sound mad
doesn't it...

Staying sober is No. 1 priority

August252015

Family, no.

Certain friends- one very important one- yes. I did it last year, before I stopped drinking. Completely- deleted phone, everything; I might have his email in my sent file somewhere but haven't looked. He was an old boyfriend who was one of my biggest enablers. And though I have thought of him since I stopped and about contacting him just to wish him well, at almost 6 months I have not done so. I don't know if I will actually share my amends with him when I get to step 8.

I am lucky that my friends who knew how severe my alcoholism was are more than 100% supportive, and as I have brought people back into my life who didn't know or only suspected, have found them completely accepting too.

I would not hesitate ONE SECOND to cut off anyone who doesn't support my sober life. Not easy - and if family, you will need to assess how to have different contact with them and different dynamics that are good for you. I do not tolerate drama in my life, which sounds like exists with your family if they don't support you.

Good luck.

Wastinglife

I pretty much have realized that I am in this battle alone. My family keep me at a distance and my friends have their own lives to worry about. That's where this site and AA come in. Although, I am a little shocked at the lack of compassion my family has shown. alcoholism is not a choice yet they seem to think I willingly did this to myself. I currently have very little contact with anyone which is best.

SunriseSky

Hi Prin, I didn't cut ties but did make a decision to keep my mother-in-law at arm's length. Sounds like a bad joke but we did have a close relationship and I do really love and care about her. It's just that she has a strong pattern of codependent relationships, was married to an extreme alcoholic, and since he's died, has gone around looking for the same unhealthy relationships. Having her so involved in my life was just to threatening to my sobriety.

PurpleKnight

For me I found that there were many people that I knew only because I drank, there was nothing else there, and those drinking buddies quickly fell by the wayside.

There were then those that I had more with that I was surprised just couldn't get their head around me not drinking anymore, some finally got it but sadly some didn't and those people are no longer close friends.

But there are those that I met because of not drinking, when I started doing new things, new friendships were created, people I would have never have met if I was still wasting my time in bars, drinking my life away.

Life will move on in Sobreity, those that can't keep up the pace, it's inevitable they will sadly go by the wayside!!