Day 1 again and not changing a thing
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Day 1 again and not changing a thing
After 35 days of abstinence, I drank yesterday. Met up with an old friend, who I stopped seeing socially, to talk business. After we finished our discussion I automatically slipped into drink mode and we went somewhere and we drank. Happened without a thought.
Sometimes you need to look back and see what mistakes you made in your plan. In this case, I don't see a mistake in my plan. I'm not going to hide from the world in case I am triggered. No, sometimes you need to understand it wasn't the plan, it was you and you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Sometimes you have to understand that 30 years of addiction aren't fixed that easily.
I choose to think of the 35 days of life regained. I recognise a single day of negative behaviour that is addictive and that I have to get back to my plan. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to celebrate 35 days and start again.
KP
Sometimes you need to look back and see what mistakes you made in your plan. In this case, I don't see a mistake in my plan. I'm not going to hide from the world in case I am triggered. No, sometimes you need to understand it wasn't the plan, it was you and you just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. Sometimes you have to understand that 30 years of addiction aren't fixed that easily.
I choose to think of the 35 days of life regained. I recognise a single day of negative behaviour that is addictive and that I have to get back to my plan. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to celebrate 35 days and start again.
KP
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
If I was you, I'd change something.
It doesn't seem logical to keep a plan that let you down.
I had to change my ideas on meeting up with people and being social.
For a long time the only way I could envisage being social was in a pub a bar or a drinking setting....I kept going back to drinking.
I started to use my imagination and meeting people other places - cafes, pizza places, movies, picnics - whatever.
If people weren't prepared to do that I didn't meet with them.
After a while I built the sober muscles necessary to go anywhere and do anything - but that took a few months, not a few weeks.
I was prepared to change everything to stay sober.
I really think you have to be?
If you're absolutely determined to live your life unchanged you need escape plans trigger plans and contingency plans at the very least?
D
It doesn't seem logical to keep a plan that let you down.
I had to change my ideas on meeting up with people and being social.
For a long time the only way I could envisage being social was in a pub a bar or a drinking setting....I kept going back to drinking.
I started to use my imagination and meeting people other places - cafes, pizza places, movies, picnics - whatever.
If people weren't prepared to do that I didn't meet with them.
After a while I built the sober muscles necessary to go anywhere and do anything - but that took a few months, not a few weeks.
I was prepared to change everything to stay sober.
I really think you have to be?
If you're absolutely determined to live your life unchanged you need escape plans trigger plans and contingency plans at the very least?
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-07-2016 at 11:21 PM.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'm over 2 years sober now, but if meeting slippery people or going to slippery places, I know I need to safeguard my plan before I go. That means playing the tape forward, and doing a kind of risk assessment.
I took a bunch of kids with special needs ice skating last winter. There were risks. It wasn't a case of , 'hell, there are risks so we won't take em'. It was a case of me thinking through all eventualities and ensuring that I had plans in place to minimise the risks, and back up plans for if something did start going wrong.
Like my ice skating trip, it isn't as black and white as saying you're going to lock yourself away and never see people again. It's about thinking it through properly and making sure you are clear on what your plans are. When I go on holiday, I need to think around that slightly differently than my normal work week. I have accepted that as the small price I pay for continuing and (mostly) comfortable sobriety, because, you are absolutely right, decades of addiction aren't fixed easily.
I took a bunch of kids with special needs ice skating last winter. There were risks. It wasn't a case of , 'hell, there are risks so we won't take em'. It was a case of me thinking through all eventualities and ensuring that I had plans in place to minimise the risks, and back up plans for if something did start going wrong.
Like my ice skating trip, it isn't as black and white as saying you're going to lock yourself away and never see people again. It's about thinking it through properly and making sure you are clear on what your plans are. When I go on holiday, I need to think around that slightly differently than my normal work week. I have accepted that as the small price I pay for continuing and (mostly) comfortable sobriety, because, you are absolutely right, decades of addiction aren't fixed easily.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,776
Keep pushing: you and I are in the same spot right now. I threw away 33 days.
I care. I know I'm being risky and I know it was going to happen days before it happened and I wanted to drink and I did.
The anxiety, the regret, the fear all came back.
My plan needs a lot of work.
'Dee said - I was prepared to change everything to stay sober'
This is my problem^^
I haven't been prepared to change everything. I've been prepared to risk everything.
It's gotta stop.
I care. I know I'm being risky and I know it was going to happen days before it happened and I wanted to drink and I did.
The anxiety, the regret, the fear all came back.
My plan needs a lot of work.
'Dee said - I was prepared to change everything to stay sober'
This is my problem^^
I haven't been prepared to change everything. I've been prepared to risk everything.
It's gotta stop.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
There is a saying I learned in Detox "If nothing changes nothing changes", all I can do in this case is offer two things to think about, when I think about drinking I am mindful of where it leads to and in my case a place I will not go and to play the tape through simply meaning when I start drinking what happened in the past.
Have a great day
Andrew
Have a great day
Andrew
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Keep,
At almost 3 months clean I went to a big part at my dad's house.
Booze everywhere. Dad knew I was sober and he nor any of my drinking friends pushed me. One time there was a 1l bottle of bacardi on the counter. My dad's friend was having a drink at 9 am. I remember the temptation.
The temptation is like a wave. Almost like a wave of evil rushes through me. It is a unique feeling, solely occurring when booze is right in front of me, ready.
I will always turn a walk away.
I try never to be a quitter, but being a quitter in this case makes me a winner.
At almost 3 months clean I went to a big part at my dad's house.
Booze everywhere. Dad knew I was sober and he nor any of my drinking friends pushed me. One time there was a 1l bottle of bacardi on the counter. My dad's friend was having a drink at 9 am. I remember the temptation.
The temptation is like a wave. Almost like a wave of evil rushes through me. It is a unique feeling, solely occurring when booze is right in front of me, ready.
I will always turn a walk away.
I try never to be a quitter, but being a quitter in this case makes me a winner.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by Soberwolf 
What does your recovery plan look like bud
2. A sobriety journal with prompts that help me explore what happened that went well and what didn't for the day (I put the prompts up in a different thread recently. Also gratitude in the journal.
3. Exercise everyday.
4. Mindfulness everyday.
5. An emergency kit that includes a letter to myself with photos and a video of myself I had taken the day after.
6. Several CBT/REBT techniques to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way (e.g. I have an Evernote template that I fill out when I get angry or anxious).
7. Therapist.
8. Last but not least, SR.
The one thing that I am trying to do that is not working out too well is connection with other people (again, I talked about it in another thread). But someone on SR gave me a couple of good ideas that I'm trying out.
To answer Dee's question about change the plan if it does not work, in March I was 10 days sober, April 12, May 14, June 23 and July 29. To me, the plan is going in the right direction, which is 100% abstinence. To use Dee's analogy, muscles sometimes need a change of plan to keep growing, but sometimes you need to keep trying what seems to be a working plan.
Thank you and Dee for the feedback.
KP
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by Berrybean
I'm over 2 years sober now, but if meeting slippery people or going to slippery places, I know I need to safeguard my plan before I go. That means playing the tape forward, and doing a kind of risk assessment.
I took a bunch of kids with special needs ice skating last winter. There were risks. It wasn't a case of , 'hell, there are risks so we won't take em'. It was a case of me thinking through all eventualities and ensuring that I had plans in place to minimise the risks, and back up plans for if something did start going wrong.
Like my ice skating trip, it isn't as black and white as saying you're going to lock yourself away and never see people again. It's about thinking it through properly and making sure you are clear on what your plans are. When I go on holiday, I need to think around that slightly differently than my normal work week. I have accepted that as the small price I pay for continuing and (mostly) comfortable sobriety, because, you are absolutely right, decades of addiction aren't fixed easily.
I took a bunch of kids with special needs ice skating last winter. There were risks. It wasn't a case of , 'hell, there are risks so we won't take em'. It was a case of me thinking through all eventualities and ensuring that I had plans in place to minimise the risks, and back up plans for if something did start going wrong.
Like my ice skating trip, it isn't as black and white as saying you're going to lock yourself away and never see people again. It's about thinking it through properly and making sure you are clear on what your plans are. When I go on holiday, I need to think around that slightly differently than my normal work week. I have accepted that as the small price I pay for continuing and (mostly) comfortable sobriety, because, you are absolutely right, decades of addiction aren't fixed easily.
Thanks for sharing, it helps.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Originally Posted by keeppushing
To answer Dee's question about change the plan if it does not work, in March I was 10 days sober, April 12, May 14, June 23 and July 29. To me, the plan is going in the right direction, which is 100% abstinence. To use Dee's analogy, muscles sometimes need a change of plan to keep growing, but sometimes you need to keep trying what seems to be a working plan.
Thank you and Dee for the feedback.
KP
The fact you're holding the weight for longer is admirable - but it may not be doing you that much good if your muscle building routine leads you to keep tearing muscles.
The smart money has to be on making at least some small, but significant, alternations to your plan?
D
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Iowa
Posts: 627
Originally Posted by keeppushing
The one thing that I am trying to do that is not working out too well is connection with other people (again, I talked about it in another thread). But someone on SR gave me a couple of good ideas that I'm trying out.
Sorry to hijack your post, I guess what I am saying I struggle with not having true friendships around me. And it's hard to make friends when you are trying to be sober and everyone around you is drinking.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by kgirl41
I'll be on the lookout for this post. I live in an area where drinking is the norm and all around me. My place of work, it feels like everyone drinks. I don't really have many friends. I started drinking at age 14 and for so long the people I hung out with were the people that wanted to consume large amounts of alcohol with me. Those are not sustainable relationships. Over the years my drinking has turned into more of a solo act. Even though I tell myself I drink to socialize, if I'm being honest with myself, I rarely socialize when I drink. In fact, drinking around others is difficult because I don't want others to see how quickly I fly through my beers. Or how they are being social while I'm busy getting drunk.
Sorry to hijack your post, I guess what I am saying I struggle with not having true friendships around me. And it's hard to make friends when you are trying to be sober and everyone around you is drinking.
Sorry to hijack your post, I guess what I am saying I struggle with not having true friendships around me. And it's hard to make friends when you are trying to be sober and everyone around you is drinking.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
The plan though is a Sober plan, and if Sobreity isn't achieved then there is surely something missing in the plan?
The plan though doesn't have to be the hermit life, far from it, Sobreity is about regaining our lives, throwing off the chains and embracing life once again.
But we have to walk before we can run, there is no harm in short term measures in order to achieve long term goals.
Changing things up to get to Day 36 . . . now that's something to strive for, you can do this!!
The plan though doesn't have to be the hermit life, far from it, Sobreity is about regaining our lives, throwing off the chains and embracing life once again.
But we have to walk before we can run, there is no harm in short term measures in order to achieve long term goals.
Changing things up to get to Day 36 . . . now that's something to strive for, you can do this!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Well, the good news is, I'm closing day 2. So it was a one day lapse not a 7 year bender (which has happened to me). I am so relieved that my day after plan seems to be working. 33 days to figure out how to improve on the old plan.
KP
KP
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