New here, day one after relapse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 127
New here, day one after relapse
Stopped drinking last year for eleven months and stupidly picked up the drink again. Fuelled by thoughts that I wasn't really an alcoholic, after all I had stopped for ao long I could moderate. Sigh, very predictable story it seems. I did moderate for a short time but I've noticed my drinking careering up again.
Behaviours like sneaking sips of vodka when my partner was in a different room as we were approaching the end of the wine and I hadn't had my fill. Hiding empties in the bin rather than recycling. Saying I was going home to bed after a bottle of wine when really I was going out to buy more to drink.
Sick and tired of feeling awful so many mornings. Bad anxiety attacks with my hangovers worried about the state of my liver. Two relatives have died in the last year through alcoholism and I can't put my family through me taking the same path. As I rapidly approach 40 I'm conscious of the fact there's only so much abuse my body can take.
Never used a forum before, attended the odd bit of AA and got exercise obsessed, well more like addicted really. Once I hurt myself and couldn't exercise I was straight on the bottle. I'm hereto make myself accountable, pick up a few more tips for my sober armoury, obviously I need more plans in place. Hopefully chat to some along the way, it seems like a nice supportive place.
Behaviours like sneaking sips of vodka when my partner was in a different room as we were approaching the end of the wine and I hadn't had my fill. Hiding empties in the bin rather than recycling. Saying I was going home to bed after a bottle of wine when really I was going out to buy more to drink.
Sick and tired of feeling awful so many mornings. Bad anxiety attacks with my hangovers worried about the state of my liver. Two relatives have died in the last year through alcoholism and I can't put my family through me taking the same path. As I rapidly approach 40 I'm conscious of the fact there's only so much abuse my body can take.
Never used a forum before, attended the odd bit of AA and got exercise obsessed, well more like addicted really. Once I hurt myself and couldn't exercise I was straight on the bottle. I'm hereto make myself accountable, pick up a few more tips for my sober armoury, obviously I need more plans in place. Hopefully chat to some along the way, it seems like a nice supportive place.
I hope we can help you get sober for good. Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Welcome, capricallia! SR has been a wonderful place to receive support. I have been told that I need to get back into posting and helping others, too, on their journeys. Dee will come along, I betcha, and post a site where you can write up your sobriety plan 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 127
Thank you very much 😊
A bit overwhelmed at the thoughts of starting over but know how much better physically and mentally I felt not drinking. All I can do is take it day by day and ignore the part of my brain that is saying it's unfair I can't just be a 'normal' drinker.
As it is I'm still slightly anxious health wise after a two day binge so sleep appears to be alluding me at present.
A bit overwhelmed at the thoughts of starting over but know how much better physically and mentally I felt not drinking. All I can do is take it day by day and ignore the part of my brain that is saying it's unfair I can't just be a 'normal' drinker.
As it is I'm still slightly anxious health wise after a two day binge so sleep appears to be alluding me at present.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: IL now
Posts: 218
You're holding yourself accountable, that means you know there is a problem and you want to do something about it. Congrats!
Don't worry about the past, worry about today just for today. Small steps eventually lead to something greater my friend. Welcome to the forum. We're happy you've joined us in this journey.
Don't worry about the past, worry about today just for today. Small steps eventually lead to something greater my friend. Welcome to the forum. We're happy you've joined us in this journey.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Welcome, Capricallia!
I'm glad you decided to join and post. I relate to what you said about addictive behaviour. I have found that balance in my life is so, so important in recovery.
I'm glad you decided to join and post. I relate to what you said about addictive behaviour. I have found that balance in my life is so, so important in recovery.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,916
Welcome to SR!
This place, along with finally trying AA, got me sober over 6 years ago.
I drank nightly for a long time,and you're right, once you hit your 40's it really starts to take a toll on your body. I'm in my 50's now, and in great shape, so recovery is possible despite years of abuse.
This place, along with finally trying AA, got me sober over 6 years ago.
I drank nightly for a long time,and you're right, once you hit your 40's it really starts to take a toll on your body. I'm in my 50's now, and in great shape, so recovery is possible despite years of abuse.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Great to meet you, Capricallia. You found an encouraging place to share your feelings & frustrations. I drank all my life - when I came here I no longer felt alone. I found the courage to change & get free. You will do this.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Cap,
I believe we all get about 20 to 30 years of moderate drinking before the brain damage starts to really show through.
You are probably a happy drunk that stayed out of trouble when drinking...or got lucky.....like me.
I quit for 8 months, when i was in my late 20.s, and started again because quiting was so easy. Drank for the next 20 years and started having mental and physical issues.
I quit and started to have horrid anxiety well into my first 2 months clean.
Google search. Found this place. SR saved my life.
My anxiety has quelled steadily over the last 15 months.
Never drinking again. I've drank enough for this lifetime.
I believe we all get about 20 to 30 years of moderate drinking before the brain damage starts to really show through.
You are probably a happy drunk that stayed out of trouble when drinking...or got lucky.....like me.
I quit for 8 months, when i was in my late 20.s, and started again because quiting was so easy. Drank for the next 20 years and started having mental and physical issues.
I quit and started to have horrid anxiety well into my first 2 months clean.
Google search. Found this place. SR saved my life.
My anxiety has quelled steadily over the last 15 months.
Never drinking again. I've drank enough for this lifetime.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 127
Thank you all so much for your messages, it really means a lot.
I hear you with the addictive behaviours Anna. Looking at it I do have an addictive personality sort, I can never do things by half, it's always to excess. I thought exercise wouldn't be a bad one to get addicted to but I pinned all my sobriety on that and it's not enough. I too am now very aware of needing more balance.
I was lucky enough D122y although I have done some pretty shameful things when blacked out, so I later found out anyway. I'm now getting to the age where the heavy drinkers I know are starting to suffer ill effects from alcohol. One only 10 or so years older and now in an assisted living facility for the rest of his life. I have children that need me, I can't do that to myself and therefore them.
Today can be the first day of the rest of my life. Feeling cautiously positive.
I hear you with the addictive behaviours Anna. Looking at it I do have an addictive personality sort, I can never do things by half, it's always to excess. I thought exercise wouldn't be a bad one to get addicted to but I pinned all my sobriety on that and it's not enough. I too am now very aware of needing more balance.
I was lucky enough D122y although I have done some pretty shameful things when blacked out, so I later found out anyway. I'm now getting to the age where the heavy drinkers I know are starting to suffer ill effects from alcohol. One only 10 or so years older and now in an assisted living facility for the rest of his life. I have children that need me, I can't do that to myself and therefore them.
Today can be the first day of the rest of my life. Feeling cautiously positive.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 801
Good Morning and Welcome to SR, many of us have been where you are and after a time think we can have one.....as for myself too many times in the past. You will find a wealth of information and support here.
Andrew
Andrew
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