New In Recovery And Really need Help!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Krugersdorp
Posts: 2
New In Recovery And Really need Help!
Hi Guys, so im not sure if this is the right place to post this, but here goes. So i was in rehab for 6 months and while i was there it was going really well, i started thinking i could beat this nasty heroin addiction of mine, i got a strong relationship with my higher power and i was praying everyday, doing the step work, talking about my feelings and doing all the things that was suggested. Then came the day of my discharge and i thought i was never gonna use again, i felt on top of the world, i was looking through rose tinted glasses. the first 3 days out of rehab went well and then i started remembering how at peace i felt when i was on heroin, how everything seemed so perfect and bliss, not to mention remembering the amazing rush that came with taking a shot. at first it was just a thought but before i knew it, my whole mind was consumed by this obsession to use. everything started seeming incredibly boring, even sex, nothing seemed worth being sober for, so i decided just to use once, and i did, but i had to force myself to stop, when the high wore off i was fulled with feelings of extreme guilt and shame and vowed to never touch the stuff again becasue this guilt was not worth the high, but now im at the same point where the guilt and shame are gone and im slipping into that obsessive feeling again, i even find myself telling myself that i can maintain this addiction, i just miss how amazing i felt on the stuff, that instant calm and happyness. now i really dont wanna use because i know that its gonna tear everything away from me, its gonna ruin me and kill me and possibly my parents too. i just cant stand this constant obsession, iv prayed about it, iv spoken about it, nothing is taking it away, i feel like no matter what i do this obsession just gets worse and worse untill it feels like im loosing my mind, thats really how it feels, like im going absolutley crazy, please guys i need help, does this obsession ever go away? will normal life things ever be fuffiling again? will i ever stop craving? im at my wits end, i cant stand this mind set im stuck in and i donno how to get out. i dont wanna use anymore but at the same time its all i wanna do, please help
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hi ParoKopter,
I have never known a heroin rush, but I have heard that it is quite the sensation and hard to beat. I have known people who have overcome it and, though clean for years, many of them still miss those days. I have dealt with disordered eating all of my life. It can be managed, but I'm afraid that it always stays with many of us. Maybe heroin is a little like that. Maybe you will have to learn how to live peaceably with this demon instead of trying to destroy it.
Life hurts. It just does, but you know the good-feeling reward that comes with rising above a temptation that only promises a brief respite. Maybe try not to shame yourself for your cravings, but rather see them as a challenge to your inner core that is self-forgiving. Sounds like this demon thrives on your fear. Maybe feed it your fear then. Stuff it with your fear, not your life. This all probably sounds like nonsense, but you might want to google "How to feed your demons." Interesting stuff. We westerners are so obsessed with "winning". "beating it". "Making peace with it" sounds more hopeful to me.
Just promise yourself 24 more hours maybe?
I have never known a heroin rush, but I have heard that it is quite the sensation and hard to beat. I have known people who have overcome it and, though clean for years, many of them still miss those days. I have dealt with disordered eating all of my life. It can be managed, but I'm afraid that it always stays with many of us. Maybe heroin is a little like that. Maybe you will have to learn how to live peaceably with this demon instead of trying to destroy it.
Life hurts. It just does, but you know the good-feeling reward that comes with rising above a temptation that only promises a brief respite. Maybe try not to shame yourself for your cravings, but rather see them as a challenge to your inner core that is self-forgiving. Sounds like this demon thrives on your fear. Maybe feed it your fear then. Stuff it with your fear, not your life. This all probably sounds like nonsense, but you might want to google "How to feed your demons." Interesting stuff. We westerners are so obsessed with "winning". "beating it". "Making peace with it" sounds more hopeful to me.
Just promise yourself 24 more hours maybe?
A Smart Bug is a Sober Bug!
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Hot and Muggy South Florida
Posts: 1,396
Originally Posted by Dame 
Hi ParoKopter,
I have never known a heroin rush, but I have heard that it is quite the sensation and hard to beat. I have known people who have overcome it and, though clean for years, many of them still miss those days. I have dealt with disordered eating all of my life. It can be managed, but I'm afraid that it always stays with many of us. Maybe heroin is a little like that. Maybe you will have to learn how to live peaceably with this demon instead of trying to destroy it.
Life hurts. It just does, but you know the good-feeling reward that comes with rising above a temptation that only promises a brief respite. Maybe try not to shame yourself for your cravings, but rather see them as a challenge to your inner core that is self-forgiving. Sounds like this demon thrives on your fear. Maybe feed it your fear then. Stuff it with your fear, not your life. This all probably sounds like nonsense, but you might want to google "How to feed your demons." Interesting stuff. We westerners are so obsessed with "winning". "beating it". "Making peace with it" sounds more hopeful to me.
Just promise yourself 24 more hours maybe?
I have never known a heroin rush, but I have heard that it is quite the sensation and hard to beat. I have known people who have overcome it and, though clean for years, many of them still miss those days. I have dealt with disordered eating all of my life. It can be managed, but I'm afraid that it always stays with many of us. Maybe heroin is a little like that. Maybe you will have to learn how to live peaceably with this demon instead of trying to destroy it.
Life hurts. It just does, but you know the good-feeling reward that comes with rising above a temptation that only promises a brief respite. Maybe try not to shame yourself for your cravings, but rather see them as a challenge to your inner core that is self-forgiving. Sounds like this demon thrives on your fear. Maybe feed it your fear then. Stuff it with your fear, not your life. This all probably sounds like nonsense, but you might want to google "How to feed your demons." Interesting stuff. We westerners are so obsessed with "winning". "beating it". "Making peace with it" sounds more hopeful to me.
Just promise yourself 24 more hours maybe?
Para, please send me a PM. Maybe we can help each other with our new lives outside the safety and comfort of rehab.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome ParoKopter 
I've never done heroin but I found that unless I worked hard at it I was always going to walk around with this huge hole inside me that I tried to fill will drugs or drink.
I've never been to rehab but I have gone off the booze for a couple of months - got healthy and happy - only to relapse when I fell back into my old life....
For me the road to permanent recovery has been regular support (like SR) and a willingness to make changes in my life.
I had to change a lot of things about my life - the people I hung with , the way I approached problems, the way I thought about myself...but it's been worth it.
After a while I found I was no longer trying to fill that void in me, I was healing it....and that made all the difference really
D
I've never done heroin but I found that unless I worked hard at it I was always going to walk around with this huge hole inside me that I tried to fill will drugs or drink.
I've never been to rehab but I have gone off the booze for a couple of months - got healthy and happy - only to relapse when I fell back into my old life....
For me the road to permanent recovery has been regular support (like SR) and a willingness to make changes in my life.
I had to change a lot of things about my life - the people I hung with , the way I approached problems, the way I thought about myself...but it's been worth it.
After a while I found I was no longer trying to fill that void in me, I was healing it....and that made all the difference really
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Krugersdorp
Posts: 2
Thanks for all the support and warm welcome guys! Really helps. Iv been talking a lot about my craving issues and putting in a conscious effort to change as well as having a good relationship with my higher power. I'm feeling much much better the cravings are still there but much easier to deal with now.
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