A concert sober??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
A concert sober??
about a week ago my son called me and the topic got on to a concert at pine knob( its called dte energy music theater now, but ill always callmit pine knob)- journey with the doobie brothers and dave mason august 4th(yesterday). i was rather surprised as hes more into hard rock and heavy metal- hes going to see black sabbath at the end of the month.
so, he starts bringing up how his birthday is coming up(today. 29 already!) and i caught on to what he was getting at- tickets would be an awesome birthday present. personally, i was a little leary of seeing them, mainly because i didnt know if there would be any of the original members for either band or how dave mason would sound after all these years. turned out the doobie brothers were all the original members and so was journey, minus steve perry.
i was quite surprised all 3 sounded great- not just vocally but instrumentally,too. the lead singer for journey, a little phillipino guy was great! if i wasnt able to see him, i would have thought it was steve perry singing! there wasnt a song all 3 played i didnt know. my son? he knows journey but didnt think he knew the doobie brothers, but turned out he knew some of the songs they played and actually liked them. dave mason? he didnt like him too much, but thats cool
we had a great time. pine knob was packed! ages from abojt 13 to 70!yup, there was pot being smoked around.but it wasnt everyone. yup, there was alcohol being drank. some were indulging quite good.- but it wasnt everyone. i saw many,many people drinking water, iced tea, and lemonaid.
HOWEVER and thats a BIG HOWEVER
there was absolutely,positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to a concert early on in recovery. there was absolutely, positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to ANY event where alcohol would be part of the evening and absolutely positively no way i would rationalize it that i just HAD to go to any event like that or i CANT BACK OUT. i made getting sober and recovering my #1 priority- at any expense.
but ive been sober a few years now.
HOWEVER and thats a BIG HOWEVER
that doesnt mean i went to this concert thinking i wouldnt have any problems- that i wouldnt be triggered. i know how easy and quickly the compulsion to drink can strike- that AV people talk about trying to speak up.i went prepared with some very important things:
-the right motive- i wasnt" expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such a place."
- a good personal reason- to see my son enjoy the concert, which he did.
-fit spiritual condition- i kept in close contact with God.
-an escape route- my son knows im sober and i told him on the ride out there that in the event i get squirrely i was going to take a walk, but would let him know if that happened.
- i didnt go into this with an attitude of ,"i got this!"
i know that alcohol is cunning,baffling,powerful,patient, and deadly. it is just waiting for the little moment when i start thinking,"f**k it" or" yeah, i can handle a couple tonight and ill be ok."
-i knew, and still know, my past can become my future in the amount of time it takes a drink to get from my lips to my stomach, and if that were to happen, that action started long before i take that drink- what some call a relapse and others call a premediated drunk would end with that drink and i would be back into active alcoholism.
it was a great time for both me and my son.
yes, it is possible to have fun, enjoyable times sober!
HOWEVER, i will type it again:
there was absolutely,positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to a concert early on in recovery. there was absolutely, positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to ANY event where alcohol would be part of the evening and absolutely positively no way i would rationalize it that i just HAD to go to any event like that or i CANT BACK OUT. i made getting sober and recovering my #1 priority- at any expense.
so, he starts bringing up how his birthday is coming up(today. 29 already!) and i caught on to what he was getting at- tickets would be an awesome birthday present. personally, i was a little leary of seeing them, mainly because i didnt know if there would be any of the original members for either band or how dave mason would sound after all these years. turned out the doobie brothers were all the original members and so was journey, minus steve perry.
i was quite surprised all 3 sounded great- not just vocally but instrumentally,too. the lead singer for journey, a little phillipino guy was great! if i wasnt able to see him, i would have thought it was steve perry singing! there wasnt a song all 3 played i didnt know. my son? he knows journey but didnt think he knew the doobie brothers, but turned out he knew some of the songs they played and actually liked them. dave mason? he didnt like him too much, but thats cool
we had a great time. pine knob was packed! ages from abojt 13 to 70!yup, there was pot being smoked around.but it wasnt everyone. yup, there was alcohol being drank. some were indulging quite good.- but it wasnt everyone. i saw many,many people drinking water, iced tea, and lemonaid.
HOWEVER and thats a BIG HOWEVER
there was absolutely,positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to a concert early on in recovery. there was absolutely, positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to ANY event where alcohol would be part of the evening and absolutely positively no way i would rationalize it that i just HAD to go to any event like that or i CANT BACK OUT. i made getting sober and recovering my #1 priority- at any expense.
but ive been sober a few years now.
HOWEVER and thats a BIG HOWEVER
that doesnt mean i went to this concert thinking i wouldnt have any problems- that i wouldnt be triggered. i know how easy and quickly the compulsion to drink can strike- that AV people talk about trying to speak up.i went prepared with some very important things:
-the right motive- i wasnt" expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such a place."
- a good personal reason- to see my son enjoy the concert, which he did.
-fit spiritual condition- i kept in close contact with God.
-an escape route- my son knows im sober and i told him on the ride out there that in the event i get squirrely i was going to take a walk, but would let him know if that happened.
- i didnt go into this with an attitude of ,"i got this!"
i know that alcohol is cunning,baffling,powerful,patient, and deadly. it is just waiting for the little moment when i start thinking,"f**k it" or" yeah, i can handle a couple tonight and ill be ok."
-i knew, and still know, my past can become my future in the amount of time it takes a drink to get from my lips to my stomach, and if that were to happen, that action started long before i take that drink- what some call a relapse and others call a premediated drunk would end with that drink and i would be back into active alcoholism.
it was a great time for both me and my son.
yes, it is possible to have fun, enjoyable times sober!
HOWEVER, i will type it again:
there was absolutely,positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to a concert early on in recovery. there was absolutely, positively no way i would have entertained the thought of going to ANY event where alcohol would be part of the evening and absolutely positively no way i would rationalize it that i just HAD to go to any event like that or i CANT BACK OUT. i made getting sober and recovering my #1 priority- at any expense.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Thanks for this post! I am going to see Billy Joel at Fenway in a couple weeks. I'm 14 months sober but if I am shaky, I will eat the $200 loss of my ticket and work with an alcoholic instead. My sobriety is #1 or else I have nothing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I went to a Springsteen concert sober last year. I was epic. And Springsteen is a straight-edge dude anyway. Many in the audience were drinking. It was fine for me. That was over a year sobriety.
I've been to a lot of smaller concerts and shows by local bands in sobriety. Most happen at bars, and are well-populated by drunkards and former drinking buddies. I've been fine... though at times a little triggered with glum or sadness early on.
I have found I can go to or do or attend or participate in literally anything at all in sobriety without risk - so long as I honor my sobriety, have a plan in the event I feel triggered, am prepared to walk right out if I feel at all challenged, and walk IN with a clear personal commitment that my sobriety comes first.
I've been to multi-day music festivals in sobriety, too... with plenty of heavy drinkers and all-weekend drinkers all around me.
Once sobriety has taken a strong root, once I made that deep commitment, once I had some good sober foundation under my feet.... it has all been OK.
I've been to a lot of smaller concerts and shows by local bands in sobriety. Most happen at bars, and are well-populated by drunkards and former drinking buddies. I've been fine... though at times a little triggered with glum or sadness early on.
I have found I can go to or do or attend or participate in literally anything at all in sobriety without risk - so long as I honor my sobriety, have a plan in the event I feel triggered, am prepared to walk right out if I feel at all challenged, and walk IN with a clear personal commitment that my sobriety comes first.
I've been to multi-day music festivals in sobriety, too... with plenty of heavy drinkers and all-weekend drinkers all around me.
Once sobriety has taken a strong root, once I made that deep commitment, once I had some good sober foundation under my feet.... it has all been OK.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
I'm glad the experience with your son went so well. What you and others have written clearly illustrates that we are all different and there is no one path to achieve what we're all after.
I've never shied away from going to concerts or going to parties where alcohol was served. In fact I'm going to an outdoor concert tonight, another indoor one tomorrow, and another large indoor one on Tuesday and I'm not concerned. At tonight's outdoor affair there will be vendors and our crowd will be eating and drinking picnic style, but I'll have my cooler of cold water bottles so I'll be good to go.
I recognize that I'm an outlier, but it's worked for me and I have no reason to think it's not going to continue in that manner. Lastly, for the record 3 concerts in 4 nights is very far from my norm.
I've never shied away from going to concerts or going to parties where alcohol was served. In fact I'm going to an outdoor concert tonight, another indoor one tomorrow, and another large indoor one on Tuesday and I'm not concerned. At tonight's outdoor affair there will be vendors and our crowd will be eating and drinking picnic style, but I'll have my cooler of cold water bottles so I'll be good to go.
I recognize that I'm an outlier, but it's worked for me and I have no reason to think it's not going to continue in that manner. Lastly, for the record 3 concerts in 4 nights is very far from my norm.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
concerts are cool....
musicians are cool....
we have all these memories of all these cool times, hanging with cool friends, having cool experiences, partying with them at cool concerts....
we have convinced ourselves for many many years that cool = drinking and drinking = cool.
we find ourselves 'stuck' because everytime we think about some thing, some place, some group of people, some event that is 'cool' - we automatically think it has to be drinking or it WON'T BE COOL!!!
We need to re-define cool for ourselves.
Because it turns out, not drinking is very, very cool.
Being present, aware, making memories we remember.... being there with friends and family.... hearing the music, feeling the music, going to the wedding or the birthday or the reunion and actually BEING at it....
These are cool. So, very, very cool.
Many of those musicians we hold up as being so cool - over the years, themselves gave up drugs and alcohol. Because they realized how uncool that crap is.
We have to throw away those sophomoric values. We have to GROW UP. We have to realize that 'being cool' is about honoring our own code of values. Being cool is about honoring OUR truth. Going to a concert sober and loving every minute of it, singing along and being with our friends.... drinking water the whole time, driving home safe, waking up the next day sharp and bright and alive.....???
THAT. IS. COOL.
musicians are cool....
we have all these memories of all these cool times, hanging with cool friends, having cool experiences, partying with them at cool concerts....
we have convinced ourselves for many many years that cool = drinking and drinking = cool.
we find ourselves 'stuck' because everytime we think about some thing, some place, some group of people, some event that is 'cool' - we automatically think it has to be drinking or it WON'T BE COOL!!!
We need to re-define cool for ourselves.
Because it turns out, not drinking is very, very cool.
Being present, aware, making memories we remember.... being there with friends and family.... hearing the music, feeling the music, going to the wedding or the birthday or the reunion and actually BEING at it....
These are cool. So, very, very cool.
Many of those musicians we hold up as being so cool - over the years, themselves gave up drugs and alcohol. Because they realized how uncool that crap is.
We have to throw away those sophomoric values. We have to GROW UP. We have to realize that 'being cool' is about honoring our own code of values. Being cool is about honoring OUR truth. Going to a concert sober and loving every minute of it, singing along and being with our friends.... drinking water the whole time, driving home safe, waking up the next day sharp and bright and alive.....???
THAT. IS. COOL.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Thanks TS
I waited a while too...Because not too many places have seats for old duffers like me my concert experiences these days are usually from the other side, on stage.
I knew I needed to have a strong and hardy pair of 'sober muscles' before I tried that.
I worked hard on them...they have served me well
I waited a while too...Because not too many places have seats for old duffers like me my concert experiences these days are usually from the other side, on stage.
I knew I needed to have a strong and hardy pair of 'sober muscles' before I tried that.
I worked hard on them...they have served me well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by chickippo 
i'm just over 2 years and haven't done live music yet. it scares me for some indefinable reason.
maybe its the fear that you could end up drinking even when not intended?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Most of the concerts I have gone to have been sober. Most of the gigs and jams I performed in were sober too. Most of the songs I wrote I was sober too. Enjoy it all immensely sober! And not hangovers or regret to deal with later...
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
That was one of my biggest worries when I first got sober. I was sure nothing would ever be fun again. ('Fear of missing out' 
) I waited a year & went to see both Peter Gabriel & Billy Joel. I didn't feel sorry for myself - was actually relieved to be clear headed. No reckless behavior or morning after guilt. As FreeOwl said - we have to grow up. Took me way too long.
I'm so glad you & your son had a great time. That was a really good lineup. Dave Mason's 'We just disagree' - one of my all time favorites.
Thanks for a helpful & encouraging post, tomsteve.
) I waited a year & went to see both Peter Gabriel & Billy Joel. I didn't feel sorry for myself - was actually relieved to be clear headed. No reckless behavior or morning after guilt. As FreeOwl said - we have to grow up. Took me way too long.I'm so glad you & your son had a great time. That was a really good lineup. Dave Mason's 'We just disagree' - one of my all time favorites.
Thanks for a helpful & encouraging post, tomsteve.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Early on I needed to give events a miss, concerts, sports etc, the connection with alcohol was too great, and some distance was needed to put between my old life and the new Sober life I was creating.
As time went on with a plan in place, some stronger Sober muscles I'd dip my toe in the water and approach things on a case by case basis!!
Great post!!
As time went on with a plan in place, some stronger Sober muscles I'd dip my toe in the water and approach things on a case by case basis!!
Great post!!
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