To Go or Not to Go, that is the question
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Join Date: Jul 2016
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To Go or Not to Go, that is the question
I am terrible at decision making. I can never make up my mind so maybe some advice will help. My family goes to the lake one weekend every single year. It's a great time including boats and seadoos. But as you can guess it is booze filled weekend. I have not been around alcohol in 31 days. I'm confident I will not drink on this 3 night trip but quite frankly I am just not sure I want to be around it. On one hand I want to go to the lake and see the pretty nature sober but on the other hand I just am like it's one weekend, do I even want to put myself in any sort of situation. I did go last year and didn't drink at all and it was ok!! I did relapse about 2 weeks later but that was because a man had asked me out and I caved. There are two events in the area I live that are helpful and center around God and recovery so I would go to those. The lake is next weekend and I'll have to tell my family soon and that's one convo I'm not looking forward to . Now lay it on me people !
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Originally Posted by 360startstoday 
I would also avoid it being so early on. No sense in tempting yourself. I think your alternative sounds much better and more rewarding and growth related.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hi Linz. Congrats on your sobriety!
My first response was also "better to stay away." On second thought though, I was seldom included in family outings simply because my sister and her family (pretty much my only family) has never cared for me. So when I was invited it was very special. I enjoy being alone, but after 31 days sober, I was afraid of being alone without my SO. When he left for a weekend I had my first "slip". Your alternative plans sound really great. And I might be 'projecting' here, but I'm afraid I would feel left out and that might weaken my resolve. Then again, you remained sober during one family outing. I guess I would want to go. If your family knows about your situation they will be supportive, I would hope. I hope I'm not pushing any emotional buttons here. I wish I had a family that loved and supported me the way yours seems to.
Stay well!
My first response was also "better to stay away." On second thought though, I was seldom included in family outings simply because my sister and her family (pretty much my only family) has never cared for me. So when I was invited it was very special. I enjoy being alone, but after 31 days sober, I was afraid of being alone without my SO. When he left for a weekend I had my first "slip". Your alternative plans sound really great. And I might be 'projecting' here, but I'm afraid I would feel left out and that might weaken my resolve. Then again, you remained sober during one family outing. I guess I would want to go. If your family knows about your situation they will be supportive, I would hope. I hope I'm not pushing any emotional buttons here. I wish I had a family that loved and supported me the way yours seems to.
Stay well!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I stayed away from all those kinds of things for a long time.
It was difficult at the time but I'm glad I did now..those early decisions were a great investment in my recovery.
Once I built up my sober muscles I was fine to go anywhere and do anything - but I worked up to that.
D
It was difficult at the time but I'm glad I did now..those early decisions were a great investment in my recovery.
Once I built up my sober muscles I was fine to go anywhere and do anything - but I worked up to that.
D
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Very wise words
A.A. Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it, God cannot give me His power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
A.A. Thought for the Day
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking. I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety. Everything I have, my whole life, depends on that one thing. Can I afford ever to forget this, even for one minute?
Meditation for the Day
I will discipline myself. I will do this disciplining now. I will turn out all useless thoughts. I know that the goodness of my life is a necessary foundation for its usefulness. I will welcome this training, for without it, God cannot give me His power. I believe that this power is a mighty power when it is used in the right way.
Prayer for the Day
I pray that I may face and accept whatever discipline is necessary. I pray that I may be fit to receive God's power in my life.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Dame
Hi Linz. Congrats on your sobriety!
My first response was also "better to stay away." On second thought though, I was seldom included in family outings simply because my sister and her family (pretty much my only family) has never cared for me. So when I was invited it was very special. I enjoy being alone, but after 31 days sober, I was afraid of being alone without my SO. When he left for a weekend I had my first "slip". Your alternative plans sound really great. And I might be 'projecting' here, but I'm afraid I would feel left out and that might weaken my resolve. Then again, you remained sober during one family outing. I guess I would want to go. If your family knows about your situation they will be supportive, I would hope. I hope I'm not pushing any emotional buttons here. I wish I had a family that loved and supported me the way yours seems to.
Stay well!
My first response was also "better to stay away." On second thought though, I was seldom included in family outings simply because my sister and her family (pretty much my only family) has never cared for me. So when I was invited it was very special. I enjoy being alone, but after 31 days sober, I was afraid of being alone without my SO. When he left for a weekend I had my first "slip". Your alternative plans sound really great. And I might be 'projecting' here, but I'm afraid I would feel left out and that might weaken my resolve. Then again, you remained sober during one family outing. I guess I would want to go. If your family knows about your situation they will be supportive, I would hope. I hope I'm not pushing any emotional buttons here. I wish I had a family that loved and supported me the way yours seems to.
Stay well!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,496
I wouldn't go. Interestingly, I tried early on to be at a social event and I got through the evening without feeling too miserable. But, it caught up with me in the following days and I went back to drinking. Alcoholism is very cunning and I know that the seed was planted in my mind that evening. I thought I had beat it by not drinking, but the seed was still there, ready to pounce.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Thank you for not just saying the norm that I shouldn't go.
This is me 2007...a few days after joining here
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm normally not very demonstrative, but thank you, really, each and every one of you.
man this is so awesome to wake up and read this stuff ! Not to mention it's day 4, a brilliantly blue sky autumn day outside, and I'm finally feeling 'normal' again.
I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)
in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....
the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...
Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.
I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).
I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.
any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
D
man this is so awesome to wake up and read this stuff ! Not to mention it's day 4, a brilliantly blue sky autumn day outside, and I'm finally feeling 'normal' again.
I am scared about the buddy thing though - (not sure if this should be in the 'men' section)
in a day or so, my usual drinking buddy will be back in town...thankfully my disability doesn't affect my hands, and I'm a musician....so me and this guy play music together, and we usually hang out, mostly cos we both tend to be at home during the day, and we jam....
the problem is, after a drink or six, he's pretty - well I don't want to use the word manipulative, but it fits....even when I've told him I'm not drinking, he'll wait for that glimpse of longing or doubt or weakness or whatever he sees, and then he'll offer me whatever he's drinking, or even beers from the fridge that he's bought for me, and he'll keep asking me if I want one with each new drink he has...
Now I know that no-one can really force me to drink, but the fact remains I've failed in my sobriety more times with him than I've held it.
I've read a lot of the posts today, and you're right - I should cut him out my life, but he's been part of 'The Band' for nearly 15 years now and, right or wrong, the band is important to me (the other guys, even the rock n roll party animals, are no problem).
I've tried to approach him about this loads of times (and even got the other guys to, once or twice) but while he's never physical with me, he gets aggressive and intimidating when he's drunk, which kinds scares me to be honest, and he completely rejects any hint that he's trying to get me to do anything.
any tips on approaching this guy from anyone who's had this kind of thing ?
D
D
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi Linz - I'd hate you or anyone else to think that me, or any of us, are just 'toeing a line'...
This is me 2007...a few days after joining here
I went...I escaped with my sobriety intact...but only by the very skin of my teeth.
D
This is me 2007...a few days after joining here
I went...I escaped with my sobriety intact...but only by the very skin of my teeth.
D
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Anna
I wouldn't go. Interestingly, I tried early on to be at a social event and I got through the evening without feeling too miserable. But, it caught up with me in the following days and I went back to drinking. Alcoholism is very cunning and I know that the seed was planted in my mind that evening. I thought I had beat it by not drinking, but the seed was still there, ready to pounce.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
making a firm decision not to drink
Originally Posted by Linz805
my success rate may be a tad higher without a booze filled weekend
Even now when I do go to these types of events, I always have an escape plan. Sometimes just getting out by myself and taking a walk will keep my mind focused on my sobriety. If I feel myself getting even a little uptight, it's time to get out of there. Those that know me well understand, that my sobriety comes first every time. So, if I ever disappear no one thinks twice regarding where did Bob go.
Maybe it's best to be honest with your love ones and friends before hand, informing them that you will hang with them right up until you feel uncomfortable regarding the booze thing because, you have made a decision not to drink.
That is where it all starts -- making a firm decision.
M-Bob
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,919
I did go last year and didn't drink at all and it was ok!! I did relapse about 2 weeks later
The same thing has happened to me on more than one occasion. I've stayed sober during times and events when I could have drank, but didn't. Probably because the wife would know and I'd be in trouble. Two weeks later my wife will go out of town for a day or two, and I would be drunk.
The same thing has happened to me on more than one occasion. I've stayed sober during times and events when I could have drank, but didn't. Probably because the wife would know and I'd be in trouble. Two weeks later my wife will go out of town for a day or two, and I would be drunk.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Yeah I am not sure that the lake was a contributing factor but I definitely don't think it helped. I would probably talk myself into going but there is an addiction conference at home that night that only comes once a year. I've never been but it's got to be more helpful I would assume than going to a place where alcohol will be lol!
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 350
Hey Linz,
It sounds like you know yourself better than any of us do, and you are possibly here to "get the word" on a decision you have likely already made. That's smart, imo. Given your resolve, there will certainly be a "next year's holiday" for celebrating at the lake. Please do stick with your plan, and enjoy the alcohol-free activities. I tend to forget I was a non-drinker living with a fellow non-drinker when at my sister's so there was no temptation. Last year I didn't go because I didn't want them to see me drunk and, yes, now that I think back, thee was so much booze I would have gone nuts. Sorry for the less than stellar advice. Enjoy the weekend!
It sounds like you know yourself better than any of us do, and you are possibly here to "get the word" on a decision you have likely already made. That's smart, imo. Given your resolve, there will certainly be a "next year's holiday" for celebrating at the lake. Please do stick with your plan, and enjoy the alcohol-free activities. I tend to forget I was a non-drinker living with a fellow non-drinker when at my sister's so there was no temptation. Last year I didn't go because I didn't want them to see me drunk and, yes, now that I think back, thee was so much booze I would have gone nuts. Sorry for the less than stellar advice. Enjoy the weekend!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Dame
Hey Linz,
It sounds like you know yourself better than any of us do, and you are possibly here to "get the word" on a decision you have likely already made. That's smart, imo. Given your resolve, there will certainly be a "next year's holiday" for celebrating at the lake. Please do stick with your plan, and enjoy the alcohol-free activities. I tend to forget I was a non-drinker living with a fellow non-drinker when at my sister's so there was no temptation. Last year I didn't go because I didn't want them to see me drunk and, yes, now that I think back, thee was so much booze I would have gone nuts. Sorry for the less than stellar advice. Enjoy the weekend!
It sounds like you know yourself better than any of us do, and you are possibly here to "get the word" on a decision you have likely already made. That's smart, imo. Given your resolve, there will certainly be a "next year's holiday" for celebrating at the lake. Please do stick with your plan, and enjoy the alcohol-free activities. I tend to forget I was a non-drinker living with a fellow non-drinker when at my sister's so there was no temptation. Last year I didn't go because I didn't want them to see me drunk and, yes, now that I think back, thee was so much booze I would have gone nuts. Sorry for the less than stellar advice. Enjoy the weekend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Littleton
Posts: 80
I would go to the church event! You'll be surrounded by support! You've been to the lake before, you can go next year after you have some time under your belt. Be selfish, your health mentally and physically is all you have.
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