Just Me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Just Me
Hi,
Just feeling like I needed to vent.
My life after leaving my STBAH is going along slowly. I finally got a court date for Sept 1st, a 1/2 hr, called a scheduling hearing. I guess it is better than not having anything.
I am moving next week, on Wednesday to a new mobile home. It will be the first time I've ever lived in a mobile home. It's brand new, I won't have to heat this winter with wood. My dogs are welcome and it's close to a good friend of mine. More pros than cons. A new adventure!
I'm having surgery on the arm I fractured this winter, 2 weeks after I move. Finally, I'll get my mobility back and be in less pain.
Money is tight. Right now I can't work due to my arm. No money yet from my divorce settlement since our court date isn't till Sept.
Things are moving slowly, but I'm in a much better place than I was 6 months ago. Actually, the fog is starting to lift, and with it some of the devastation that my life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Well it did.
So I'm in a good place. I'm writing this because I have a good friend, who I believe is an alcoholic. She called me tonight, very clearly drunk, and was going into the liquor store to buy a bottle of gin. She used to help me when I first moved into my house, and I fractured my arm. She would stay over night to help, but would drink all night. She would get up at 2 in the morning and make herself a drink. I distanced myself from her. She knew what I was going through. I was never judgemental about her drinking. Tonight she shared with me that she was thinking of being with a married man, for money because it would help save her mother's house that she lives in. I told her, sell the house. Live in one room if you have too. This is your self worth!! I told her she is a valuable person, too valuable to be selling herself that way. She told me I don't understand her financial situation. Then she went on to say how wonderful this man was and how wealthy he is. I told her that if he was a good man, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife, paying you for services, and how do you know your the only one.
How do I help her? I'm so broken myself. She clearly was very drunk tonight. Got very mad at me and hung up on me. Can I help her. I'm afraid for her. Do I tell her she should think about rehab or AA. I really don't want to get involved. I'm so gun shy when alcohol is involved. I can't walk away from her. Maybe it's the nurse or mom in me. It's taken me so long for me to start to feel better. How can I help??
Z
Just feeling like I needed to vent.
My life after leaving my STBAH is going along slowly. I finally got a court date for Sept 1st, a 1/2 hr, called a scheduling hearing. I guess it is better than not having anything.
I am moving next week, on Wednesday to a new mobile home. It will be the first time I've ever lived in a mobile home. It's brand new, I won't have to heat this winter with wood. My dogs are welcome and it's close to a good friend of mine. More pros than cons. A new adventure!
I'm having surgery on the arm I fractured this winter, 2 weeks after I move. Finally, I'll get my mobility back and be in less pain.
Money is tight. Right now I can't work due to my arm. No money yet from my divorce settlement since our court date isn't till Sept.
Things are moving slowly, but I'm in a much better place than I was 6 months ago. Actually, the fog is starting to lift, and with it some of the devastation that my life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. Well it did.
So I'm in a good place. I'm writing this because I have a good friend, who I believe is an alcoholic. She called me tonight, very clearly drunk, and was going into the liquor store to buy a bottle of gin. She used to help me when I first moved into my house, and I fractured my arm. She would stay over night to help, but would drink all night. She would get up at 2 in the morning and make herself a drink. I distanced myself from her. She knew what I was going through. I was never judgemental about her drinking. Tonight she shared with me that she was thinking of being with a married man, for money because it would help save her mother's house that she lives in. I told her, sell the house. Live in one room if you have too. This is your self worth!! I told her she is a valuable person, too valuable to be selling herself that way. She told me I don't understand her financial situation. Then she went on to say how wonderful this man was and how wealthy he is. I told her that if he was a good man, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife, paying you for services, and how do you know your the only one.
How do I help her? I'm so broken myself. She clearly was very drunk tonight. Got very mad at me and hung up on me. Can I help her. I'm afraid for her. Do I tell her she should think about rehab or AA. I really don't want to get involved. I'm so gun shy when alcohol is involved. I can't walk away from her. Maybe it's the nurse or mom in me. It's taken me so long for me to start to feel better. How can I help??
Z
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
So good to hear from you Z! Good to hear you have a court date.
I'm impressed with how upbeat you are inspite of all your current difficulties and the dratted slowness of the divorce.
As for your friend, you probably can't do anything. I have a few friends who are alcoholic and also struggle with saying anything. Mostly I just try to stay quiet about it. You couldn't change your husband and you can't change your friend.
Take care of yourself and I hope this next place is the home of much joy and healing for you.
I'm impressed with how upbeat you are inspite of all your current difficulties and the dratted slowness of the divorce.
As for your friend, you probably can't do anything. I have a few friends who are alcoholic and also struggle with saying anything. Mostly I just try to stay quiet about it. You couldn't change your husband and you can't change your friend.
Take care of yourself and I hope this next place is the home of much joy and healing for you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You can ask her if she'd be WILLING to talk to someone from AA--if she's willing to at least talk, they will send a couple of women over to talk to her (it's called a "12th Step call").
Apart from that, you can express your concern, but if she is determined to keep drinking, and doing this "sugar daddy" thing, then I don't think there's anything else you can do. I know you care, but you can't do anything more for her than you could for your husband--you can't fix her life, and I think it will suck the life out of you if you have to hear all the gory details.
Just my two cents.
Apart from that, you can express your concern, but if she is determined to keep drinking, and doing this "sugar daddy" thing, then I don't think there's anything else you can do. I know you care, but you can't do anything more for her than you could for your husband--you can't fix her life, and I think it will suck the life out of you if you have to hear all the gory details.
Just my two cents.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
if she drunk dialed you on her way to get MORE booze, i doubt she remembers the call much at all.
see that's the thing.....we take like everything, every word, nuance, so dang seriously......when the other person is mostly just babbling blah blah blah with no real intent or cognizance behind the words.
it's not your job to fix her. you just got DONE fixing one alcoholic, don't sign up for a replacement!
see that's the thing.....we take like everything, every word, nuance, so dang seriously......when the other person is mostly just babbling blah blah blah with no real intent or cognizance behind the words.
it's not your job to fix her. you just got DONE fixing one alcoholic, don't sign up for a replacement!
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