ToBeHappier

Sometimes it's the little things. I hated breaking a sweat at almost no activity. Let alone totally soaking my clothes at more moderate exertion. I know this was caused by my drinking and maybe the related blood pressure issues, etc. Well, it has been 10 days and that sweaty symptom is much better.

Problem is....as things and symptoms get better, the AV gets louder. I almost feel a relapse around the corner so I am posting here now. Also eating too much as staying full suppresses the urge to drink.

There are so many things I like about not drinking and yet I fear that they may not be enough to keep me here. I am afraid after so many attempts and failures that I may say, "Well, that's it. I am a drinker and I will end when and where a drinkers road ends." Scary, but I try to be a realist and I can't argue with facts and history.

I've even thought about pot since at this point, that actually seems like a less harmful addiction that will kill me more slowly. I know, I know....terrible idea! Just trying to be honest.

Well, I am where I am. I am still grateful for he present and for all my Blessings. Just really unsure about the future.

Thanks for reading/listening. I hope this can somehow be a healthy rant for me.

Soberwolf

Hey 2Bhappier drinking or using won't solve the problem and don't give your av the time of day keep reaching out know were here for you friend

D122y

Tobe,

You sound like a perfect AA candidate.

Have you tried it?

ToBeHappier

I haven't gone specifically for me. Went to a few open meetings with my dad years ago. (Guess I should taken note of that glaring warning sign . ) I've also read some of the big book but not enough to apply it. Not sure why I am hesitant to take the AA step. Might be because I am a pretty "happy drunk". Drinking hasn't caused huge issues. Wife doesn't seem to mind either. I just know it is unsustainable health-wise. It has or soon will do serious damage. Guess that should be motivating enough but, as many of us know, the insanity outweighs that logic.

Lightning Bug

Sometimes by setting the realism you rely on aside and opening yourself up to faith you can change your view of the world around you and your place in it. Your realist beliefs that you will not succeed in putting the alcohol behind you is coming from a limited viewpoint, from one side of you. That side just remembers past failures and regrets while telling your logical brain that you will always fail. But if you open yourself up in blind faith you will begin to see that you have real potential to succeed. Because you do have that potential. You just need to have faith in yourself, to believe that this time will be different.

ToBeHappier

Earth steps. Faith is indeed an important topic to me. Drinking has messed up my faith and my fellowship with my Lord. That is truly one of my largest regrets. I've thought several times that I was out of the thorns that entangle me only to eventually walk back into the briar patch. Health and Faith are certainly a couple of my positive motivators though and I've given up on neither.

MacW

Have you considered that some of the sweating might be due to something like type 2 diabetes?

Are you overweight?

ToBeHappier

No, although I do keep an eye on those numbers during the occasional checkup and lab work. Sweating and BP come in line whenever I quit drinking. I know that won't always be the case though.

No, the sweating is just a constant reminder that I have unresolved issues. Can't forget your drinking problem when you are constantly wiping it out of your eyes. Sort of eats at one's self esteem. There is no peace that.

MacW

Good for you.

If you really want to freak yourself out, run your symptoms through the symptoms checker on WebMD.

Symptom Checker from WebMD. Check Your Medical Symptoms.

Whoever came up with the idea to create that, was an evil person

It tells me I have everything from mad cow disease to scurvy. Funnily enough, never told me I am an alcoholic

Dame

Congrats on your 10 days ToBeHappier!

I literally worry about feeling better: that if I do the AV will tell me a few glasses will be just fine. But it wouldn't be a few.

You cite "history" and "facts" as the necessary and reliable witnesses of your past 'failures.' But is this "history" really reliable or was it just a constant repetition of outcomes that you view as written-in-stone "fact?" Something led you to fall, but doubtful that it was predetermined or meant to be. Sounds more like a myth, not history. Is the only alternative to "fact" religion? Maybe just re-define "fact." When my "history" gets me down, I question it; ask it to justify its power over me.
And please rant anytime

letsdance

Drinking gives me terrible sweats. I remember a couple weeks ago trying to listen to my sons occupational therapist and not being able to focus on her because i was just pouring sweat because i had drank the night before. I kept worrying about if she noticed my sweating. It was crazy. I mean hello, i could have just not drank and not had that problem. I do not have high blood pressure but i am overweight so of course that could be why i sweat but anyway im rambling.... So you feel like u sense a relapse coming up? I hear ya. You see when i start feeling good and stop sweating, and feeling like a total turd, i always have my AV saying, see go ahead you can drink. You have it all together. But that AV is a mean jerk and it is just lying to me. Your's is too. Don't listen to it!

Delizadee

Search for the relapse ladder on here.
Double down your efforts now.
Every time you relapse, getting sober again gets exponentially harder.
I know this by personal fact as thousands of us here do.
Do everything you can right now to up your sobriety efforts. Looking at where you are on the relapse ladder may help you assess your needs for plan tweaking.

A gentle ease into relapse brought me suidicidal OD into hospital begging to be committed to mental institution and loss of two weeks memory... and yet I still drink.

It's serious stuff. Do the work now. Think of it like a routine pretrip safety check you do thoroughly everytime. Preparing now and doing the work now is much easier than pick apart (yet another) wreckage.

Soberwolf

We're not allowed to give medical advice here

FreeOwl

This rationale sounds a lot like the lines I gave myself about ten years prior to finally realizing I needed, wanted sobriety.

Maybe your experience would be different. But my experience was that sort of rationale led me back to drugs and alcohol until things got worse. And then worse. And then still worse. The wife who "didn't mind"? Well, we ended up divorced.

The no "huge issues" revealed itself to be a big fat lie, punctuated by two DUIs, hundreds of thousands of dollars frittered away, deep debt and problems at work.

The "Happy Drunk", on deeper reflection, eventually showed teltale signs of being another big fat lie - when in fact my misery and despair were just below that shiny veneer of the supposedly "happy" drunk. That "happy drunk" began diving into a deep dark hole and the drunk times became more and more dark and grievous. Sobbing, incoherent, babbling about the tragedy of my own life. Of course, I only half remembered most of it.... as it was blackout talk.

I was also hesitant to take the AA step. It wasn't for me. It was for REAL drunkards with a REAL problem with alcohol. Me, I just needed to watch myself. Be more careful when and why and what I was drinking. Just needed to take it a little easier.......

The downward spiral came with a lot of reasoning. A lot of alcoholic 'logic' that kept on reassuring me it was all just fine. Just some unfortunate turns of events. Just some 'stuff' I had to work through.... definitely not the alcohol's fault.

I'm over two years sober now, and looking back it's all very clear. When I was in those times, though.... it all made perfect sense that I didn't have "a problem".

It's a vicious trap, when things "aren't all that bad". We can sit in that place of denial a very long time. Throw away a lot of our lives. Give up a lot of really wonderful things. Sacrifice a lot of time, love, goodness, people, friends, family, memories..... all for a poisonous liquid that treats us to a line of bull**** while we gradually do our own lives more and more damage.

That may not be the path you're on......

But it might.

August252015

I FINALLY "gave in" to AA. After multiple rehab stays where I never intended to quit, went through the motions, and even drank, it was my last opportunity for a program. I am now almost 6 months sober and it is my LIFE. Sobriety through study, faith and a program of action are working for me.

There are other programs out there and at 10 days, yes, you are indeed still in the detox phase. It differs for everyone, but here's some info (my PAWS was severe and took weeks, others do not have such severity) -
https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=h...O325MgDct7lCUw

Though tempting, we all KNOW logically that drinking will not make us feel better. It will make things worse, and restart the process of getting sober yet again.

I would strongly suggest some program, whether AA, SMART, whatever. Having a plan - besides just not drinking and hoping for the best this time, as many of us tried (or like me, kinda sorta not really thought about, while we just kept drinking).

You can fight the AV and stay sober. If I can - seriously and with no hyperbole, if I can, given my horrific story - anyone can.

Good luck.

thomas11

Hi tobehappier, what you said in your first sentence hit home with me. I would drink heavily for a couple days and take excedrin tablets. The combination of alcohol, acetaminophen and caffeine was a great buzz for a period of time, but the price paid was steep. I would sweat so easily (disgustingly easy) and become winded because my body was so pissed off at me.

Once I eliminated the Excedrin and alcohol and started to exercise regularly, I could go out on a hot humid day and be like most normal people. That little change made me really happy.

Mountainmanbob

This last time sobering up I would at times break out in heavy sweats for the first few weeks of keeping the plug in the jug.

Hang tight for it goes away as we even out in mind, body and soul.

M-Bob

teatreeoil007

Sweat, glorious sweat. It ain't nothin' to be ashamed of, friend. Well, I'm not saying you are ashamed, but some people are embarrassed about their sweat. I don't feel that way. If someone is sweating, there is usually a good reason for it. That's how I view it. It's the body's way of taking care of whatever is going on inside.

I just got done getting totally pitted out from walking outside in the sunshine. I figure: The more I sweat, the better I'll feel. Whatever is in the body that needs to come out, needs to come out. And the body is working to try and acheive the best health it can.

So, there are MANY reasons we sweat, and I have always been an easy sweater, [if there is such a thing.]

Dame

Phew!! Me too, and I'm a petit woman who very seldom sweats (even exercising), but a few weeks after detox, I staaaaank for a few weeks more. I had heard of this happening, but thought it only applied to guys. Guess we gotta get all the poison out