LoveMeNow

When I finally left my AH two years ago, I was emotionally, physically, and financially devastated. I refused to let go and boy oh boy did I get dragged. And the hits just kept coming. My favorite aunt died, my father died, some family and friends added to my pain, then I found a man who had everything to live for....found him dead after he committed suicided. I could go on but I think you get the point. With each tragedy, I found myself questioning if I did the right thing. Asking over and over was this God's way of showing me I did the wrong thing by leaving or was HE just testing my faith. I can honestly say my faith was tested and that I am no Job but more like his wife. I wanted to curse God and die many times. My fear had me almost go back to my AH many times but I knew I just couldn't. I truly believe I would have gone crazy or worse had I returned. I knew I was done but I still had some lingering doubts,

Today, I am still underemployed, still broke and still finding me again. My kids still refuse to speak to me, I lost a couple of "friends" along the way and have had some health issues but you know what - I am OK. In fact, I am better then OK, I am happy and I am at peace.

I have some wonderful friends who really care about me and support all my efforts. They remind me of what I have accomplished when I lose my way. Getting a mani/pedi is a huge treat now! I shop at consignment stores and I am thrilled when I can afford something. I have a cute little place with wonderful neighbors who check in on me, invite me to dinner and offer to help in so many ways.

Today, I bought myself a little area rug and I feel like a kid at Christmas. When I moved here, I literally had nothing. And slowly, I have made myself a life and a cute little home.

I am so grateful, thankful and blessed and that is the silver lining. Please believe that you too are worth it. One day at a time, one step at a time, WE WILL MAKE IT!! Each and every one of us will become our own success story. Today, I have no more lingering doubts.

redatlanta

What a beautiful story! I had a recent discussion with someone over not needing so much "stuff", and how life was in many ways better, when I had less (= less responsibility).

Go girl!

maia1234

Wow!!! Lovemenow what a great thread.

You are a worrier!!

You survived and you are thriving!!

What more do we need in our lives, so proud of you! You are an inspiration to everyone on f&f. You have to keep pressing forward and you will always come out in the end. Hugs my friend, congrats!!

CentralOhioDad

Great post!!

firebolt

Oh I love this.

When I was leaving XABF, this was my theme song - and I'll be damned if wasn't meant for you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKL4X0PZz7M

LoveMeNow

Thank you all.

It's so true, less is more! I can enjoy myself far more without all the worries and hassles of having a large house, yard, pool, laundry, etc and of course having an addict husband.

Someday soon, I hope to rebuild my relationship with my kids but I understand too. They wanted the status quo and as I got healthier - I started to change. Hey, I could actually say NO and that didn't go over well. They say I have become selfish and arrogant. I say I have become self caring and more confident. Plus, I have no doubt he plays the victim and has said many untruthful things. They are both making some destructive choices (drugs, alcohol, their addict birth mom etc) and I am glad to not have a front row seat to it. I will leave this one to God.

The thing I am most proud of is that I didn't look for a man/relationship to help me out. I have had many people suggest that and I happy I resisted the whole white knight fantasy. I still have no interest in dating right now. I still have a lot of work to do on me and I am enjoying it. I love that I am ok with being alone.....at least for right now!!