Jtmlk

Hi all hope you are all keeping strong. I havent been as supportive of late in replying to people posts as ive been caught up in my own life.
Anyway, according to my app (because i see no reason to count) i am 148 days sober.
Ive had a strange time of late, my bi-polar 2 seems more prominent ( i try hard not to let the label give me an excuse to behave in a bad way), ive been referred to a phschiatrist which is the first time in 7 years. When up i seem to have got myself in about 13k debt by buying electronics and cars i dont need- i then try to resell them as my mood starts to stabilise before finally not giving a damn when low.
My short term memory still plays games with me and im becoming frustrated. I also, as i have for the last 10 years, keep thinking about divorcing my wife of 16 years- ive tried leaving before but my inability to look after myself due to me being petrified of everyone and everything at times mean i have always gone back home. In one way i feel i deserve happiness but im just so confused.
To try to end on a positive note- i have been partaking in activity or yoga on a daily basis, ive lost weight, my health is remarkable to what it was ( still a long way to go), and i very rarely have any thoughts of drinking even when im in a bar with people i know. A couple of times i have been tempted but i have made an agreement with myself that at these times i can only drink if i can answer yes to to this first question
1. Will i be able to have two or three pints and then happily stop
And no to
2. If i drink would i be likely to get in my car and drive home.
As yet ive thankfully not met this criteria

Dee74

Hi jtmlk - congrats on going strong

I don't know too much about BPD2 but I know many of our members will have experience to share.

I hope you get a lot out of your therapy/counselling sessions - sometimes it was really good for me just to verbalise stuff and bounce ideas off someone with an outside perspective

D

Delizadee

Getting a proper diagnosis and support and if needed, meds can be a huge help. But give it some time and don't give up. Until things start to stabilize my advice would be to stick to a plan or routine as closely as possible and don't male any decisions that are hugely life altering. I think big changes, in my experience tend to trigger my mood, personality disorder and addictions. Try to keep it simple..
Congrats and very great job on the sober time

Soberwolf

What D said

MacW

Regarding the wife thing.

I don't know the details of your marriage, and how your relationship is. But remember we are given a finite number of days to enjoy on this Earth. Don't do what I did and spend 12 years in a relationship, with the last 7 years being unrewarding on every level. A relationship that was a habit and a trap.

If it's time to move on, then move on. You have very obviously made some serious commitment to improving your life. If ending your marriage needs to be part of those improvements, don't feel guilty.

Lightning Bug

Bi polar left untreated will wreak havoc on life. You had 7 years untreated and that is a lot of time to allow it to bring you down. I am glad you have a psychiatrist so you can begin to get better. But keep in mind that bi polar usually requires a cocktail of meds that work together to bring stability. It may take some time to tweak those meds to find the right ones that work for you. Don't get discouraged.