Angry towards myself, him, life..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 58
Angry towards myself, him, life..
I recently came across a few posts on Facebook from friends of friends about how they have been sober for many years. People younger than my ex. And how their significant other is the best thing that happened for staying by their side. And how great their life is. Going from using to owning their own businesses or being successful and a family man. Even though I dont personally know these people it angers me. I think why is that not my ex?? Why is that not me and my family? I guess it makes me jealous to see people that were deep pull themselves out. So it makes me angry it's not him, it makes me angry it's not me, and it makes me angry my life is the way it is.
He is still living with his brother after kicking him out. I still don't give him money, however, when I take the girls out there to see him, I always pay..he doesn't have a job. However, he does start a job on monday, a good job, one he enjoys doing and has been at before. I joke with him saying he's where he was before we got together. He's in the same town, same job. He left the town and job to be with me. Anyhow, he says he's been clean. He says he has no want. But he admitted he tried to shoot up but whatever he found in his deceased parents house "must've had a blocker in it because it made him sick." I also found a baggy in the bathroom trash can last week (which I flipped on). Said it had weed in it. I'm not dumb and weed doesn't go in a tiny baggy. Hes told me he thinks his brothers ex roommate has been coming back and taking things. His brothers change jar, my exs backpack that had foreign bills and silver coins in it..and said he's come home to the door unlocked. His brother did not get the key back from his ex roomate. So...OK could be believable. I didn't really know this guy but my ex says he thinks he's doing e and/or coke. Ok...maybe believable, met the dude a couple times and didn't care for him. As much as I want to believe, I'm having a hard time. And apparen't after the above situation, my ex found 2 bottles of alcohol next to the dumpster. Hmm...really? As weird as it sounds, I could almost believe it. Because stupid **** tends to happen to him that would make someone raise an eyebrow. He was upset for his brother not believing him. Eh, I'm trying not to make it much of my business but once he tells me something, it's hard to let it go out the other ear. So, I think he's had a part in taking from his brother (he took the foreign bills and coins from his parents house without consulting his siblings first). He also gave me his mom's 20th wedding anniversary ring on a silver change. I feel...weird..for having it but said he found it in the garbage. His sisters friends helped her clean out their parents room and apparently threw a bunch of stuff out (my exs hospital birth announcement with foot prints, letters from my exs biological dad, our engagement ring paperwork, letters I had written him years ago and apparently a bunch of little black jewelry bags with jewelry still in them, childhood pictures of him and their deceased brother, etc..). So, as much as I want to believe him, because there have been times he's been right, I almost dont. Yesterday I noticed fresh marks that he claims were from the time he tried to shoot up and missed multiple times. Ya..I know that happens but not in 10 different spots in both arms. He also got jumped one night when his brother wouldn't let him come home. Said he also lost $40 to someone who said he was going to get h for him. Also got abandoned at the casino and he collected small vouchers people dropped to get home, oh and got 86d from that casino forever. Stories this man has! Retyping this makes me glad im not there to witness all this madness! I'm sure you're all thinking, come on, don't be stupid, you know you're right! And now that I typed all this I don't remember where I was going with it. Just angers me. And guess I needed the vent.
It's been hard to keep a distance from him because if he dosent text me back within a reasonable time, I get irritated. And I've given in a couple times and went to see him without the kids. Gave in and have bought him a pack of cigarettes, gave in and had food delivered to him. UGH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! seriously, what is wrong with me? I have no job, Ive almost exhausted the rest of my tax money (I'd still be set if I never gave in to him months ago grr), I'm living at my parents still and frustrated with that whole situation. Omg I could go on but I think I'll stop for the night. Not sure what im seeking, if anything at all but thanks for listening.
He is still living with his brother after kicking him out. I still don't give him money, however, when I take the girls out there to see him, I always pay..he doesn't have a job. However, he does start a job on monday, a good job, one he enjoys doing and has been at before. I joke with him saying he's where he was before we got together. He's in the same town, same job. He left the town and job to be with me. Anyhow, he says he's been clean. He says he has no want. But he admitted he tried to shoot up but whatever he found in his deceased parents house "must've had a blocker in it because it made him sick." I also found a baggy in the bathroom trash can last week (which I flipped on). Said it had weed in it. I'm not dumb and weed doesn't go in a tiny baggy. Hes told me he thinks his brothers ex roommate has been coming back and taking things. His brothers change jar, my exs backpack that had foreign bills and silver coins in it..and said he's come home to the door unlocked. His brother did not get the key back from his ex roomate. So...OK could be believable. I didn't really know this guy but my ex says he thinks he's doing e and/or coke. Ok...maybe believable, met the dude a couple times and didn't care for him. As much as I want to believe, I'm having a hard time. And apparen't after the above situation, my ex found 2 bottles of alcohol next to the dumpster. Hmm...really? As weird as it sounds, I could almost believe it. Because stupid **** tends to happen to him that would make someone raise an eyebrow. He was upset for his brother not believing him. Eh, I'm trying not to make it much of my business but once he tells me something, it's hard to let it go out the other ear. So, I think he's had a part in taking from his brother (he took the foreign bills and coins from his parents house without consulting his siblings first). He also gave me his mom's 20th wedding anniversary ring on a silver change. I feel...weird..for having it but said he found it in the garbage. His sisters friends helped her clean out their parents room and apparently threw a bunch of stuff out (my exs hospital birth announcement with foot prints, letters from my exs biological dad, our engagement ring paperwork, letters I had written him years ago and apparently a bunch of little black jewelry bags with jewelry still in them, childhood pictures of him and their deceased brother, etc..). So, as much as I want to believe him, because there have been times he's been right, I almost dont. Yesterday I noticed fresh marks that he claims were from the time he tried to shoot up and missed multiple times. Ya..I know that happens but not in 10 different spots in both arms. He also got jumped one night when his brother wouldn't let him come home. Said he also lost $40 to someone who said he was going to get h for him. Also got abandoned at the casino and he collected small vouchers people dropped to get home, oh and got 86d from that casino forever. Stories this man has! Retyping this makes me glad im not there to witness all this madness! I'm sure you're all thinking, come on, don't be stupid, you know you're right! And now that I typed all this I don't remember where I was going with it. Just angers me. And guess I needed the vent.
It's been hard to keep a distance from him because if he dosent text me back within a reasonable time, I get irritated. And I've given in a couple times and went to see him without the kids. Gave in and have bought him a pack of cigarettes, gave in and had food delivered to him. UGH!! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! seriously, what is wrong with me? I have no job, Ive almost exhausted the rest of my tax money (I'd still be set if I never gave in to him months ago grr), I'm living at my parents still and frustrated with that whole situation. Omg I could go on but I think I'll stop for the night. Not sure what im seeking, if anything at all but thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Just wanted to say you are not alone and I'm so sorry you are going through this! That would really bother me too to read that...in fact it irritates me to hear you say that and I don't even know them! It makes you feel not important enough for him to get sober...at least that's how I feel. My AH couldn't clean his act up for me and his two beautiful children. Yeah we shouldn't take it personal....but it's hard!!!! Sending you peace and hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 574
Own your decisions. We are not victims.
Avoid longing for other people's lives - their story isn't over yet.
Work on making the best decision for YOU. Learn about CODEPENDENCY.
Read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Attend meetings in your area: CoDA, Naranon, Alanon
You will end the madness when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.
I wish you strength to find the path that brings you true happiness. Peace sometimes comes at a price. But generally, it's less than the alternative.
Hugs to you
Joie
Avoid longing for other people's lives - their story isn't over yet.
Work on making the best decision for YOU. Learn about CODEPENDENCY.
Read Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Attend meetings in your area: CoDA, Naranon, Alanon
You will end the madness when the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.
I wish you strength to find the path that brings you true happiness. Peace sometimes comes at a price. But generally, it's less than the alternative.
Hugs to you
Joie
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
as long as your focus remains on HIM, you can almost avoid looking at yourself. those "happy" people you envy of FB??? they got busy working on themselves......working hard to MAKE a better life......doing the tough work and not worrying about what others are doing.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I'm sure some of those people have turned their lives around, but I can guarantee you some are lying. Facebook is a perfect tool for manipulating people's perceptions of you. I have a friend whose husband just got out of rehab for addiction to methamphetamines. He's been posting about how grateful he is to be in recovery, how much he loves his wife and is glad she stuck by him, how he's a changed man. So she really believed him, and was so proud. Then one day he left his account open and she did a little poking around. She found a message from one of his old drug buddies asking if he was really sober. He replied, "Yeah, right!" and they proceeded to set up a deal.
Anyway, your ex clearly is on a disastrous path. I'm glad you got out. Stay strong.
Anyway, your ex clearly is on a disastrous path. I'm glad you got out. Stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 58
Thank you all for the reminder how people do lie about their sobriety. And how Facebook is definitely used as a tool of manipulation and anyone can post anything. And I can't say i haven't had my thoughts on my ex sobriety, but it's definitely chilled out since he's been gone. I have to remind myself to stop worrying what he is doing. I cant control him. Hard to push those thoughts aside when something you've wanted, doesn't happen to you but someone else instead. And ahh. Maybe it's not meant to be either. I hate not knowing things and I hate not knowing what to do, based on not knowing the outcome or future (gee, who does that? Lol). However, I definitely can't wait for the good stuff to happen in life. I can't wait for everything to get back on track, impatient I am 
Now, here's another question, hypothetically speaking...if we were to "try to work things out" meaning having a better relationship and maybe eventually being able to live together again. ..what DOES that really mean? Is it strictly having a better relationship with him or is it being in a relationship with him? And HOW does one have a better relationship with an addict? (Just hahahaahahaed in my head, is that a sign?)
Now, here's another question, hypothetically speaking...if we were to "try to work things out" meaning having a better relationship and maybe eventually being able to live together again. ..what DOES that really mean? Is it strictly having a better relationship with him or is it being in a relationship with him? And HOW does one have a better relationship with an addict? (Just hahahaahahaed in my head, is that a sign?)
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