Feeling so down!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Feeling so down!
Nothing seems to work out at the moment. New relationships , next to no contact with friends, no call backs from jobs I apply for, no luck, everything just seems to be against me. And I look around everyone else seems to be the complete opposite, new jobs , new relationships, going on holiday , getting married , the list seems to go on.
At start of sobriety it seemed everything was slowly getting back to normal. That seems to have come to a shuddering stop , and it's sliding all the way back into the hole I've put so much effort to climb my way out of. I can just feel myself getting close to the day now where I'm going to say " **** this I've had enough" and just throw it all away which would leave me devastated. I know im sounding stupid but currently right now I've had enough and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I know I have to be strong and get through these times but I'm being tested to my max at the moment and I'm nearly at the point where I'm going to break!
At start of sobriety it seemed everything was slowly getting back to normal. That seems to have come to a shuddering stop , and it's sliding all the way back into the hole I've put so much effort to climb my way out of. I can just feel myself getting close to the day now where I'm going to say " **** this I've had enough" and just throw it all away which would leave me devastated. I know im sounding stupid but currently right now I've had enough and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
I know I have to be strong and get through these times but I'm being tested to my max at the moment and I'm nearly at the point where I'm going to break!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi James
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but it took me able 3 months to start to feel 'good'.
In fact, my life was in such a mess that it took me about a year to clear all that mess up.
I'm not trying to discourage you - quite the opposite. It may seem like a long time, but I look back and it really wasn't long at all.
I think if I remember rightly you're against things like AA?
If SR is your only support right now, why not use it a little more?
D
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but it took me able 3 months to start to feel 'good'.
In fact, my life was in such a mess that it took me about a year to clear all that mess up.
I'm not trying to discourage you - quite the opposite. It may seem like a long time, but I look back and it really wasn't long at all.
I think if I remember rightly you're against things like AA?
If SR is your only support right now, why not use it a little more?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi James
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but it took me able 3 months to start to feel 'good'.
In fact, my life was in such a mess that it took me about a year to clear all that mess up.
I'm not trying to discourage you - quite the opposite. It may seem like a long time, but I look back and it really wasn't long at all.
I think if I remember rightly you're against things like AA?
If SR is your only support right now, why not use it a little more?
D
I'm not sure how long you've been sober but it took me able 3 months to start to feel 'good'.
In fact, my life was in such a mess that it took me about a year to clear all that mess up.
I'm not trying to discourage you - quite the opposite. It may seem like a long time, but I look back and it really wasn't long at all.
I think if I remember rightly you're against things like AA?
If SR is your only support right now, why not use it a little more?
D
Yea AA really wasn't for me, 7 months now Dee, I just seem to of hit a wall I can't get past , and I'm tiring my self out trying to get over it, and running out of ideas fast.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
For times like this, the serenity prayers works wonders. Knowing what you can fix and what you can't. Sometimes you've just got to push through it to come out stronger on the other side.
I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy.
Congrats on 7 months sober!
Don't throw away all your effort.
I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy.
Congrats on 7 months sober!
Don't throw away all your effort. Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
I had a lot of ups ad downs in that first year.
The difference was that the bad times were bad days not bad weeks or months?
I really think you'll go mad comparing yourself to others too...often things look good from the outside but there's a lot more going on underneath the surface.
I hope you start getting a few callbacks for jobs
Have you thought of ways you might find new friends to replace the drinking buddies - do you have any hobbies or interests?
D
The difference was that the bad times were bad days not bad weeks or months?
I really think you'll go mad comparing yourself to others too...often things look good from the outside but there's a lot more going on underneath the surface.
I hope you start getting a few callbacks for jobs
Have you thought of ways you might find new friends to replace the drinking buddies - do you have any hobbies or interests?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Dee74
I had a lot of ups ad downs in that first year.
The difference was that the bad times were bad days not bad weeks or months?
I really think you'll go mad comparing yourself to others too...often things look good from the outside but there's a lot more going on underneath the surface.
I hope you start getting a few callbacks for jobs
Have you thought of ways you might find new friends to replace the drinking buddies - do you have any hobbies or interests?
D
The difference was that the bad times were bad days not bad weeks or months?
I really think you'll go mad comparing yourself to others too...often things look good from the outside but there's a lot more going on underneath the surface.
I hope you start getting a few callbacks for jobs
Have you thought of ways you might find new friends to replace the drinking buddies - do you have any hobbies or interests?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Dee74
Do you think you might be depressed? If you do, maybe a visit to the Dr could help?
D
D
I think some of it , is because I had such a good start to sobriety and didn't have any slip ups I maybe thought the bad times would never come again and it's hit me slap bang jn the face and hit me for 6!
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
You know that saying, "don't compare your insides with everyone else's outsides" or something like that. ❤️ You're doing an amazing job with seven months of sobriety...even if you did nothing else, that is an amazing accomplishment.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Some times life just sucks. But drinking would suck more. I've gone thru some times I call the doldrums. Where you don't seem to make any forward progress. But you work your way thru it on life's terms and then things start to move forward again. It will get better. Just give it time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
hang in there James! don't give up! i found this funny bit about running a marathon, which is what recovery can feel like. a LOT of opportunities to quit......and one REALLY good reason to keep going!
1. As you hang around at the start, marathon veterans pass the time with ostentatious one-upmanship. “I see weather’s not good as Melbourne 2001,” says one. “Indeed, but at least it’s better than Stockholm '97,” agrees another. They look around to see how many first-timers were listening.
2. You cave in to peer pressure and go for a pee before you set off, even though you don’t really feel like one.
3. After the starting gun sounds, one runner gets completely overexcited and passes the starting line as if he’s taking on Usain Bolt in a 100m sprint.
4. During the crowded first mile any illusions you have that running a marathon will turn you into an Adonis are shattered as you look out over a bubbling ocean of male-pattern baldness, skinny arms and protruding Adam’s Apples.
5. In mile two you notice a growing queue for the port-a-loos and feel secretly smug.
6. You get overtaken by men wearing wacky costumes: a rabbit, a big tomato and at least two Batmen.
7. A spectator shouts: “Keep going – you’re nearly there!” You’re in mile three, FFS.
8. A skinny, officious man elbows his way past you, muttering something about “race etiquette”.
9. Drinks stations become potential death traps as discarded plastic cups, foil gel wrappers and banana skins pile up on the pavement.
10. You keep getting overtaken by old men in jogging vests that reveal lots of grey arm hair. You die a bit each time.
11. Every time you see a race volunteer you want to thank them from the bottom of your beating heart. But you worry it may be patronising.
12. You worry that worrying about patronising volunteers is using up vital energy.
13. Spectators wave banners and placards as you run past, with slogans such as “Go Daddy!”, “You’re all winners” and “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.”
14. You spot a speedy female runner whose rather fetching behind is squeezed into a skin-tight pair of shorts. You join the large gaggle of men who are running breathlessly just behind her. Later that day, your wife will ask how you managed to complete the course so quickly. “What can I say,” you’ll shrug.
15. A runner collapses and is carried into an ambulance. You start to really pity Ambulance Guy.
16. The noise and the crowds cease to spur you on and start to freak you out a bit. For months you’ve trained in peace and solitude – now you’re suddenly surrounded by thousands of people.
17. You pass the 20-mile mark. You start to really envy Ambulance Guy.
18. The route passes a Nando’s or a McDonald’s. You look through the window and see people sitting down, putting food into their mouths. You suddenly feel hungrier than you ever have before.
19. Your nipples start to bleed. You realise that you look like you’re lactating blackcurrant juice.
20. You could murder for a blackcurrant juice.
21. People poo themselves. Some content themselves with a colourful leak down the back of their legs, others go full Radcliffe.
22. A mixture of exhaustion, pain, fear and elation mean you start to have a little cry. Well, at least you’re not pooing yourself.
23. You hit the wall, meaning your glycogen stores are gone and you feel apocalyptically exhausted.
24. Somehow, you pass the finishing line. For months you’ve imagined that this moment will bring feelings of enormous elation, accomplishment and pride. It’s all of that and much, much more.
25. You stumble around with your fellow finishers, all wrapped in silver foil capes. You look like recently-released avian hostages from the factory farm Bernard Matthews forgot.
26. As you hobble home in a haze, three words form clearly in your head: never, ever again.
26.2 A bath and a rest later, you go online to find the next marathon you can enter.
1. As you hang around at the start, marathon veterans pass the time with ostentatious one-upmanship. “I see weather’s not good as Melbourne 2001,” says one. “Indeed, but at least it’s better than Stockholm '97,” agrees another. They look around to see how many first-timers were listening.
2. You cave in to peer pressure and go for a pee before you set off, even though you don’t really feel like one.
3. After the starting gun sounds, one runner gets completely overexcited and passes the starting line as if he’s taking on Usain Bolt in a 100m sprint.
4. During the crowded first mile any illusions you have that running a marathon will turn you into an Adonis are shattered as you look out over a bubbling ocean of male-pattern baldness, skinny arms and protruding Adam’s Apples.
5. In mile two you notice a growing queue for the port-a-loos and feel secretly smug.
6. You get overtaken by men wearing wacky costumes: a rabbit, a big tomato and at least two Batmen.
7. A spectator shouts: “Keep going – you’re nearly there!” You’re in mile three, FFS.
8. A skinny, officious man elbows his way past you, muttering something about “race etiquette”.
9. Drinks stations become potential death traps as discarded plastic cups, foil gel wrappers and banana skins pile up on the pavement.
10. You keep getting overtaken by old men in jogging vests that reveal lots of grey arm hair. You die a bit each time.
11. Every time you see a race volunteer you want to thank them from the bottom of your beating heart. But you worry it may be patronising.
12. You worry that worrying about patronising volunteers is using up vital energy.
13. Spectators wave banners and placards as you run past, with slogans such as “Go Daddy!”, “You’re all winners” and “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.”
14. You spot a speedy female runner whose rather fetching behind is squeezed into a skin-tight pair of shorts. You join the large gaggle of men who are running breathlessly just behind her. Later that day, your wife will ask how you managed to complete the course so quickly. “What can I say,” you’ll shrug.
15. A runner collapses and is carried into an ambulance. You start to really pity Ambulance Guy.
16. The noise and the crowds cease to spur you on and start to freak you out a bit. For months you’ve trained in peace and solitude – now you’re suddenly surrounded by thousands of people.
17. You pass the 20-mile mark. You start to really envy Ambulance Guy.
18. The route passes a Nando’s or a McDonald’s. You look through the window and see people sitting down, putting food into their mouths. You suddenly feel hungrier than you ever have before.
19. Your nipples start to bleed. You realise that you look like you’re lactating blackcurrant juice.
20. You could murder for a blackcurrant juice.
21. People poo themselves. Some content themselves with a colourful leak down the back of their legs, others go full Radcliffe.
22. A mixture of exhaustion, pain, fear and elation mean you start to have a little cry. Well, at least you’re not pooing yourself.
23. You hit the wall, meaning your glycogen stores are gone and you feel apocalyptically exhausted.
24. Somehow, you pass the finishing line. For months you’ve imagined that this moment will bring feelings of enormous elation, accomplishment and pride. It’s all of that and much, much more.
25. You stumble around with your fellow finishers, all wrapped in silver foil capes. You look like recently-released avian hostages from the factory farm Bernard Matthews forgot.
26. As you hobble home in a haze, three words form clearly in your head: never, ever again.
26.2 A bath and a rest later, you go online to find the next marathon you can enter.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
8 months was my toughest time. I blame it on paws, and I started reading a lot about it. Found this site around 8 months cuz I was having such a rough go. Went to some aa meetings too. It took me a while longer to start feeling good but I did. Just keep at it.
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