thequest

A Reminder not to enable and/or protect yourself physically AND legally. RANT

An enabling senior family member who thought they were helping out a family addict/alkie by buying them a car (and paying associated costs) for a job now find themselves with unpaid and/or high bills associated with that purchase.

The family enabler we thought had learned do not enable, don't give cash for which they did a pretty good job. But when the alkie/addict played up the need for a car for this new good job the enabler agreed to assist them.

A long story told short: alkie/addict's credit so bad not even cosigning would work. Enabler wound up buying the car in their name with payments(got alkie/addict to pay with auto withdrawal), getting insurance in their name and now is stuck paying unpaid traffic camera tickets. Alkie/addict gets indignant when asked to at least get insurance in their name and complains when asks for reimbursements. They don't want to deal with the work and deadlines of paying a bill on time. Or have to worry about their credit or car registration. Said just pay the bills out cash they sometimes just throw at them.

Lessons learned

1) Remind yourself and others do NOT enable. Do enable with cash AND do not make it easy for the alkie/addict.

2) If you give the alkie/addict any assistance make sure you have NO LEGAL LIABILITY. Being reimbursed by the alkie/addict which is good still leaves someone else with legal liability, especially with a car.

My personal opinion only. If you really think you must help an alkie/addict out with things like a car if nothing else take a loan in your name and pay the car costs in their name. I know giving cash is no good. But you don't have to give cash. Tell them to find the costs and you'll pay them in cash but the addict/alkie will have to reimburse you. You want NO LEGAL liability period. The enabler is also being asked by the alkie/addict to pay the high dwi on alkie/addict's driving record car insurance bills upfront which are simply too much. And the alkie/addict skips out on the responsibility of the work, time & deadlines of bill paying.

Should add that getting a good or better paying job will not solve or change a hard core alkie/addicts habits by itself. The alkie/addicts habits have changed little. It's actually worse because a paycheck/cash allow him to drink/party at will.

Reminder-Do not enable and make sure you have no legal liability.

Sunshine1234

Very true!!! I made the mistake of allowing my AH to put his car title in my name. Thank GOD I was able to get him to comply with switching the title over to his name. Took me months to get him to do it and when I threatened a call to the cops to report the car stolen he magically complied with my request.

dandylion

wow....I would even go so far as to say to never enter into a contract with an alcoholic/addict....ever.....you are always liable for something negative...even it it is just the heartbreak and disappointment of it all....

dandylion

Txjeepguy

I would caution them on having the alkie get their own insurance if the enablers name is on the title.

If that car gets wrecked the enabler is on the hook. That means if the alkie gets state minimums, or doesn't get collusion coverage, the enabler is on the hook for damages.

I'm unfortunately stuck paying axgf's insurance because I'm on the title to her car. I don't trust her to actually get coverage that would protect my assets if/when she gets in an accident.

The $100 a month it costs me is worth it for the time being. Hoping the need for her having a car resolves itself soon...

thequest

Sadly by the time the tickets and insurance bills started rolling in it was then they realized the alkie/addict has problems and it might not have been the wise thing to do. They don't try to justify or rationalize helping them as much any more. They went from nah a good job and some money in their pocket will change them to they need rehab without hesitation. There are thousands of dollars and years in payments left but the only way to rid themselves of car & liability is to buy out the lease. The alkie/addict could pay at least half of that by the end of the year if they stay employed and put in the hours. I don't know well see what happens but at least I saw some anger and frustration I didn't see before because they were in denial.