He is 30 days sober
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2
He is 30 days sober
My fiancé is 30 days clean and sober. Opiate addiction and alcoholism. We have been together 4 years. He just finished a inpatient rehab and has been out one week. His whole personality has changed and I don't feel like he has a place for me in his life. We can discuss this. He's defensive and acuses me of trying to sabotage his sobriety. So far from
The truth. I have been reading so many books and articles on sobriety and co dependence. Am struggling, not really sure we will
Make it. Scared and in love. Any help?
The truth. I have been reading so many books and articles on sobriety and co dependence. Am struggling, not really sure we will
Make it. Scared and in love. Any help?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
My guess would be that you're figuratively taking his temperature every five minutes, to see how he's doing, see what you can do to support him, trying to confirm that you, as a couple, will be OK. Stop. I know you love him, but back off and let him do what he needs to do. If he wants to share something with you, he will.
Have you been to Al-Anon? Now might be an EXCELLENT time to focus on yourself and your own healing.
Have you been to Al-Anon? Now might be an EXCELLENT time to focus on yourself and your own healing.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
alcoholics/addicts can be very sensitive in early recovery.
i think it would be wise to give him some space. although 30 days is a miracle and a long time for an alcoholic/addict, its a very short time for changes to have occured. we drank/ drugged for manyyears and it takes T.I.M.E. to change.
personally i dont think its you feel he doesnt have a place for you in his life as much as its not the place you want.
he MUST put recovery before EVERYONE and EVERYTHING if he wants to learn how to live life on lifes terms AND stay clean and sober- it doesnt help us when someones asking a jillion questions we dont even know the answer to.
not only that, when it comes to alcoholism/addiction, we respond better when sharing about whats going on in our melons with people that have been in our shoes.
how has his personality changed? is it just that hes not making you top on his importance list? is he lieing,cheating, and stealing?
YOUR best move would be to work kn YOUR codependency problem while he works on HIS alcohol/addiction problem.
i think it would be wise to give him some space. although 30 days is a miracle and a long time for an alcoholic/addict, its a very short time for changes to have occured. we drank/ drugged for manyyears and it takes T.I.M.E. to change.
personally i dont think its you feel he doesnt have a place for you in his life as much as its not the place you want.
he MUST put recovery before EVERYONE and EVERYTHING if he wants to learn how to live life on lifes terms AND stay clean and sober- it doesnt help us when someones asking a jillion questions we dont even know the answer to.
not only that, when it comes to alcoholism/addiction, we respond better when sharing about whats going on in our melons with people that have been in our shoes.
how has his personality changed? is it just that hes not making you top on his importance list? is he lieing,cheating, and stealing?
YOUR best move would be to work kn YOUR codependency problem while he works on HIS alcohol/addiction problem.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 216
My AH was in rehab as well and now 90 days sober. I do see a big difference in him as well, but then again, it's up to him if he continues this road or goes back to his old lifestyle.
We codependents always have an opinion in how one should run their recovery process but we cause more damage than good. If him staying busy and keeping him off the booze, then that's a good thing.
We codependents always have an opinion in how one should run their recovery process but we cause more damage than good. If him staying busy and keeping him off the booze, then that's a good thing.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
He's concentrating very hard on himself right now, which is upsetting for you but it's often what genuine recovery looks like. It's no reflection on you, it's just that he doesn't have the substances to rely on now, and is facing life in the raw.
Possibly the rehab he attended has some programs for family of addicts - worth a try. You might also benefit from Al-anon or Nar-anon, where you can vent freely to other F&F.
Try to back off and spend some time doing things for yourself. If you give him space hopefully he'll approach you when he's ready.
Possibly the rehab he attended has some programs for family of addicts - worth a try. You might also benefit from Al-anon or Nar-anon, where you can vent freely to other F&F.
Try to back off and spend some time doing things for yourself. If you give him space hopefully he'll approach you when he's ready.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
If hes only been home a week, its not long. But why do you say you dont fit? Has he changed how he interaxts or have you? Has he stopped making time for you ? I would watch that if it continues. I was with my husband when he went through recovery process years ago and this idea people must spend all their time in recovery activities and away from other family and friends is not really recovery. Its more an obsession. Sometimes it happens in the beginning and can wear.off also, so Id give it a little time and like others said make sure you can occupy your own time with enjoyable activities. We all need our own interests to pursue
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2
Today was a break thru. He shared with me the topic of his meeting
Today. It was abt conflict and control. He stated he realized that he was trying to control our relationship with out thinking of my feelings. A much better day than any so far. I'm trying to keep my faith strong by giving him the space he needs. We talked about balance for him and us and family. Thank you all for the input.
Today. It was abt conflict and control. He stated he realized that he was trying to control our relationship with out thinking of my feelings. A much better day than any so far. I'm trying to keep my faith strong by giving him the space he needs. We talked about balance for him and us and family. Thank you all for the input.
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