Opinion Poll
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 44
Opinion Poll
I am an alcoholic.
I was talking to a therapist yesterday--not my own, but someone who happens to be one and she feels that most addiction starts with a traumatic event. My own therapist told me that she does not believe the reasons why I started drinking matter as long as I work toward sobriety.
What do you all think? Personally, I think the reason I started drinking at a young age matters. I feel as though if I could figure out what made me go off the rails in the first place, I could solve or heal that and be "fixed".
I have had some pretty traumatic events in my life--Lost my parents within about a year of each other before I was 20 years old. Two out of my three sisters have died from cancer and I have a son who nearly died from a life threatening disease at the age of 10. Was it one of those things or am I just wired like this?
Thoughts????
I was talking to a therapist yesterday--not my own, but someone who happens to be one and she feels that most addiction starts with a traumatic event. My own therapist told me that she does not believe the reasons why I started drinking matter as long as I work toward sobriety.
What do you all think? Personally, I think the reason I started drinking at a young age matters. I feel as though if I could figure out what made me go off the rails in the first place, I could solve or heal that and be "fixed".
I have had some pretty traumatic events in my life--Lost my parents within about a year of each other before I was 20 years old. Two out of my three sisters have died from cancer and I have a son who nearly died from a life threatening disease at the age of 10. Was it one of those things or am I just wired like this?
Thoughts????
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
STG,
i was convinced i needed to know and understand "the why of it" before i could quit and stay that way.
that once i understood why i kept returning to drinking/not ever really leaving drinking, i could then take care of that "reason" and be done drinking.
this line of thinking allowed me to keep drinking for a good many years.
it was important to me to see a logical explanation for what was so insane.
my own experience (been sober quite a while now) is that yes, figuring out the past trauma and working on healing ...all 6hast certainly matters it's important.
but it doesn't matter at all in relation to stopping drinking.
i didn't need to know/understand 'the why of it' in order to stop and stay stopped.
my experience matches what your therapist says.
i was convinced i needed to know and understand "the why of it" before i could quit and stay that way.
that once i understood why i kept returning to drinking/not ever really leaving drinking, i could then take care of that "reason" and be done drinking.
this line of thinking allowed me to keep drinking for a good many years.
it was important to me to see a logical explanation for what was so insane.
my own experience (been sober quite a while now) is that yes, figuring out the past trauma and working on healing ...all 6hast certainly matters it's important.
but it doesn't matter at all in relation to stopping drinking.
i didn't need to know/understand 'the why of it' in order to stop and stay stopped.
my experience matches what your therapist says.
AA Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Silicon Valley
Posts: 2,983
this is why we listen for the similarities and not the differences
i was raised in a loving caring supporting family ... nothing bad ever happened to me
yet i was born with huge amounts of self hate/ self loathing
got an apartment by myself after high school and spent 11 years trying to drink myself to death
came to aa at 29 got a sobriety date and a MUCH better life
hope this helps and God bless
i was raised in a loving caring supporting family ... nothing bad ever happened to me
yet i was born with huge amounts of self hate/ self loathing
got an apartment by myself after high school and spent 11 years trying to drink myself to death
came to aa at 29 got a sobriety date and a MUCH better life
hope this helps and God bless
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by fini 
but it doesn't matter at all in relation to stopping drinking.
i didn't need to know/understand 'the why of it' in order to stop and stay stopped.
i didn't need to know/understand 'the why of it' in order to stop and stay stopped.
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
I went through lots of traumatic events and didn't drink much. I was 38 when I started drinking probmatically. I was living with an alcoholic (although I didn't know it) and he started having wine ready for me after work.
I believe I just slid into the habit of drinking.
Then got lazy and started using it to block out problems instead of dealing with things, like I had in the past.
Like people have already said, I don't think it matters why you started, I don't think it helps you to stop if you did find out why you started.
Learning how to stop and stay stopped is more important
Wishing you well
I believe I just slid into the habit of drinking.
Then got lazy and started using it to block out problems instead of dealing with things, like I had in the past.
Like people have already said, I don't think it matters why you started, I don't think it helps you to stop if you did find out why you started.
Learning how to stop and stay stopped is more important
Wishing you well
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I agree that the reasons "why" I started are not necessary to figure out before quitting drinking. I also have a lot of trauma in my past.
I could not have gotten any clarity or understanding of how to deal with those issues while drinking, though. It just adds fuel to the delusional inner fire.
Stop drinking, then explore the things you cannot change about your past. Really, that's the key. Acceptance of life and all its events.
I could not have gotten any clarity or understanding of how to deal with those issues while drinking, though. It just adds fuel to the delusional inner fire.
Stop drinking, then explore the things you cannot change about your past. Really, that's the key. Acceptance of life and all its events.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,808
I agree with biminiblue. I don't think you need to know "why" in order to stop. HOWEVER, now that I have some sobriety, I'm finding it useful to explore what made me tick as a drinker, so I can work on some of that stuff and learn to deal with it without booze. Makes relapse less likely, IMO.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Midwest
Posts: 44
This helps me a lot and thank you to all who shared their experiences. There seems to be a common thread and it makes me trust my therapist more because apparently she is right!
Have a great weekend all!
Have a great weekend all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
For me - I needed to figure out WHY I drank. I now know why. I had a traumatic marriage riddled with a heavily addicted to drugs xah. It was awful and I was so codependent it was pathetic. I went to counseling for MYSELF (had been through tons of counseling with xah. 3 therapists basically said "If we can get him fixed, you'll be fine". Um, yea NOT fine.
Anyway, I needed to figure out WHY I started drinking, but I can't fix it, can't change the past. I believe the WHY led me to drink (although nobody force fed me liquor). I also believe that my brain became hard wired and dependent on alcohol after years of this.
I needed to know WHY, but I can't change the past. I am divorced from xah, the only drama in my life now is what I've created from using alcohol. I am not so concerned about why the alcohol started now that I know. My only concern is what I need to do to stop it.
Anyway, I needed to figure out WHY I started drinking, but I can't fix it, can't change the past. I believe the WHY led me to drink (although nobody force fed me liquor). I also believe that my brain became hard wired and dependent on alcohol after years of this.
I needed to know WHY, but I can't change the past. I am divorced from xah, the only drama in my life now is what I've created from using alcohol. I am not so concerned about why the alcohol started now that I know. My only concern is what I need to do to stop it.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
If I believed that knowing why we drink would help me or people to get sober, I'd recommend it to everyone. It was never an issue for me, and I didn't think too much about it before and when I put down the drink. The hope of many alcoholics and the majority of people I treat in psychotherapy is that "If I figure out how and why I got this way, then I can figure out how to get better." Or, for alcoholics, it may be something like, "If I know why I started drinking, then I'll be able to drink like everyone else." In both cases, this has never been my experience.
Now, three weeks shy of five years of sobriety, I don't care about it at all, and only think about it when it appears on SR. Too many other things in the life I've built that require my attention.
Now, three weeks shy of five years of sobriety, I don't care about it at all, and only think about it when it appears on SR. Too many other things in the life I've built that require my attention.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i also elieve tbe reasons why dont matter.
however the longer i was sober and worked on myself i started seeing the underlying issues that were in me before i ever took a drink- underlying issues that alcohol helped to ease until alcohol stopped working.
i never had any traumatic events happen
until i started drinking.
however the longer i was sober and worked on myself i started seeing the underlying issues that were in me before i ever took a drink- underlying issues that alcohol helped to ease until alcohol stopped working.
i never had any traumatic events happen
until i started drinking.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
...she feels that most addiction starts with a traumatic event. My own therapist told me that she does not believe the reasons why I started drinking matter as long as I work toward sobriety.
there is actually no contradiction here between the two therapists.
trauma might well be the starting point yet one can get and stay sober without exploring/fixing/healing the trauma.
there is actually no contradiction here between the two therapists.
trauma might well be the starting point yet one can get and stay sober without exploring/fixing/healing the trauma.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I came to the conclusion (in my case) that the "why" really didn't matter much. I could've found lots of reasons why I drank ... it could have been one of them or all of them. For instance:
1. Both of my parents and my brother were alcoholics. It must be genetic.
2. I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 years old.
3. I had low self esteem.
4. I suffered from anxiety and depression.
5. I married a serial cheater.
6. I was verbally abused often by my alcoholic father.
7. I had a child with a severe disability.
8. My ex husband never had any interest in said child and left me alone, even when we were married, to deal with him myself.
9. I got a divorce from the serial cheating husband/disinterested father.
10. I eventually reached a point where I was physically dependent on alcohol and therefore could not give it up.
And blah, blah, blah.
Point was for me that LOTS of people have been through WAY worse than me and didn't become alcoholics.
There are any number of reasons "why," and I could torture myself for the rest of my life trying to figure out which of them caused me to drink. I will probably never know.
It doesn't matter as long as I want to be sober and pursue that every day of my life. I have "issues" just like everyone else. I just have to remind myself that I don't have to drink over them.
1. Both of my parents and my brother were alcoholics. It must be genetic.
2. I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 years old.
3. I had low self esteem.
4. I suffered from anxiety and depression.
5. I married a serial cheater.
6. I was verbally abused often by my alcoholic father.
7. I had a child with a severe disability.
8. My ex husband never had any interest in said child and left me alone, even when we were married, to deal with him myself.
9. I got a divorce from the serial cheating husband/disinterested father.
10. I eventually reached a point where I was physically dependent on alcohol and therefore could not give it up.
And blah, blah, blah.
Point was for me that LOTS of people have been through WAY worse than me and didn't become alcoholics.
There are any number of reasons "why," and I could torture myself for the rest of my life trying to figure out which of them caused me to drink. I will probably never know.
It doesn't matter as long as I want to be sober and pursue that every day of my life. I have "issues" just like everyone else. I just have to remind myself that I don't have to drink over them.
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