Sunshine1234

As I was told on this site by so many wise folks...more will be revealed. I left my AH over 4 months ago with what many would say was plenty of evidence that he was using again but I was still unsure if he was back to being a full blown addict or just "taking the pills prescribed by the doctor" as he swore to me. I decided for the first time to trust my gut and I packed the kids and myself up and left in the middle of the night when he was "missing". For the last 4 months he has manipulated me and of course turned it all on me. I am always quick to take the blame for things as I am a people pleaser so it's been a struggle for me to keep telling myself "go with your gut" you are right on this...he's lying, using, stealing. So since I have been gone I have discovered he has opened up credit cards (credit card company called me last week saying he has large unpaid balance...how he was even able to open another credit card is beyond me), he went to the ER a few weeks ago (I carry the health ins and saw on my statement), rented porn (on our daughters birthday instead of seeing her), let other credit card payments stack up without paying...and shows up occasionally on his visitation days to see the kids. He is not giving me much money to help with the kids. States that he doesn't have the $ because he has been putting it towards HIS therapist. Mind you he dropped out of a 100% covered rehab because "it wasn't helping him by sitting there for hours listening to others stories" and is now supposidely paying out of pocket to see a therapist (which I doubt he's even going!). He also has yet to show me a drug test so he can have the kids unsupervised. I don't ask him anymore for a drug test because I'm done worrying about his sobriety and I'm working on me now. It's crazy and I know there's more to come. His parents won't speak to me either and back him up all the way. I am just so happy I trusted my gut!!!

Hechosedrugs

Sunshine, I'm so happy you trusted your gut, too. Addicts have a way of making us question ourselves, even when the evidence is glaring. Obviously, you've made the best possible decision.

The parents- it really is bizarre how they react, isn't it? My STBX's parents know very well what he's put us all through. My FIL even threatened him once, "Don't make me choose between you, because I'll choose her." But, no. He chose to believe his son's lies, instead.

Anyway, just wanted to say I'm proud of you for setting boundaries and standing firm.

Blessings to you.

pndm07

Oh dear - you are so strong and were so right to trust your gut. You're dealing with this in such a healthy way, taking care of you and children first and getting off the trainwreck of craziness. Hugs to you.

hopeful4

I am happy you did too. You and your children deserve peace and happiness.

Sunshine1234

Thank you so much! Ugh it is bizarre! I think in time they will see what we see. My MIL told me initially I did the right thing by leaving and even suggested an intervention of some sort. I agreed and then next thing I knew she was bad mouthing me and never spoke of an intervention again...she insisted to the other family members that "he seemed fine". Just unreal.

I hope you are doing well and finding peace with everything.

Sunshine1234

Thank you!! Life is much more peaceful now. It's crazy how you can live with such subconscious stress and not even know it's there until you pull yourself out of the chaos.

atalose

Good for you for trusting in yourself. Always listen to your gut it doesn't lie to you like people do.

whyme1975

It took me a really long painful time to trust my gut. It's the only thing you can trust, active addicts never tell the truth.