Smilax

I've brought this up before but something someone said to me today regarding my drinking got me thinking about this again. It seems to me that one of the major roadblocks to stopping is self pity. In our minds we make our selves into tragic figures, things to be pitied, melodramatic caricatures. Indeed many of us do have things in our lives that are legitimate reasons for others to feel sorry for us for. But it's not why we pity ourselves so much. I think we do so as an excuse to keep drinking. After all if I really am this unlikeable piece of **** then why not drink, who could blame me? And when friends and family get upset or angry or bring up the need to stop, it merely spurs us to get angry in return and want to drink all the more, " what do they know of our suffering". When in reality most of what they say and their anger is true and justifiable.

But if we are wrong about being such figures of pathos, well that just means we have lost one of our main excuses not to stop. I believe I am aware of all of this. And yet I have not yet been able to stop myself. I still see myself as said tragic figure even though I am typing this now and some part of me knows it's a lie.

desertsong

Oh, I certainly agree. I am raising a severely autistic boy alone without the help of my ex husband and only recently found a caregiver to help me. Until then, it was all me. My days consisted of getting up at 5 a.m. to get ready to work, get my boy up at 6:30 for school, put him on the bus, then go to work for 8 hours. After I finished work, it was back home for another 6 hours of taking care of my son before he went to bed. At best, I managed 4 hours of sleep a night. Tough situation even if you're sober, but I used it as an excuse to drink. "If you had my life, you'd drink too." Poor me, pour me another drink.

Interestingly, once I got sober, I found that my days were much easier to deal with than they were when I was drinking. Hmmmm ....

Soberwolf

I don't buy that & I'm not trying to shoot you down but if you really really wanted to stop drinking you would have by now so ask yourself why do you drink what are you getting out of it how better is it making your life because from here it kinda looks like you want to stop but not really don't worry though I was the same I am really believing in Anna's theory about everybody is at where their meant to be & at the right time sobriety will happen because you want it more than you want to drink I threw a little least in there too

Don't stop trying read D's plan link or the one at the top of newcomers

Smilax

Oh no you are totally correct that a large part of me doesn't want to stop.

fripfrop

I don't see myself as a tragic figure. I see myself as someone who made bad choices and who is now making better ones.

LadyBlue0527

Why?

Soberwolf

But there is a small part that wants to stop - that's the real you of course your av doesn't want the alcohol to stop my advice stop feeding it make a day 1 you came here for a reason right ?

Berrybean

Lol. Reminds me of something I heard someone say once about feeling like someone someone should write a song about him, how he carried on drinking, and never gave it up. What a Guy!! And realising later that if they had have written a song it'd be more likely to be how he never gave up. What an Idiot. I had to have a wry smile at that one.

Nonsensical

Stop drinking and that part of you grows.

I remember feeling the way you describe. Now I feel like a dumbass for having felt that way.

I'll take the dumbass feeling every day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Persistent alcohol use messes with your mind. I used to quit for a couple days and think I was completely over the effects of alcohol. That isn't how it works. My brain (thoughts and feelings) were influenced by alcohol for months after I quit. Take 90 days off and see if things don't change. See if you don't prefer feeling like a dumbass over feeling like a tragedy.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

kopfan

I agree totally with this. It took me 30 days to get over the immediate addiction, another 30 to sleep and recover and the last 30 to start feeling normal again.

I can't believe how badly my mind was screwed up - but you only get to see that once you start getting sober.

At 94 days I don't want to go back to drinking. No willpower required.

Here's what I wrote in my class a few days ago:

90 days. To anyone reading this that is thinking about stopping drinking here are 28 things that have changed for me in 90 days:

1. “Day Ones” are a thing of the past, that horrible “Groundhog Day” feeling. Not one stonking hangover or wasted day in bed.
2. No Vodka fuelled arguments. Didn't blackout once and wonder what I did last night - that Jason Bourne feeling.
3. No more booze poured away down the sink the morning after.
4. Not broken anything/stumbled into anything. Not been to A&E. No unexplained bruises.
5. Not driven the car under the influence to the bottle shop or left my credit card behind.
6. Never had to tell anyone I can't give them a lift home. Took my Son to school every single day.
7. Not sent one embarrassing email/text/phone call. Not played online poker or gambled once.
8. Saved around £500 in cash.
9. Lost 8lbs in weight despite all the chocolate and cookies. Started a daily workout routine
10. Depression and anxiety has vanished. Psoriasis is clearing up
11. Just recently I sleep through the entire night without waking up.
12. Started thinking about what I'll do this weekend.
13. Started thinking about what I'll do next weekend/month/year.
14. Started listening to happy music on Spotify. For years it was Leonard Cohen now its Club Ibiza Anthems.
15. Cut my nails and shave my hair every Sunday night.
16. Shower, shave and brush my teeth every morning. Polish my shoes. Dress better.
17. Make a lunch box for work the evening before. Cycle to work on sunny days.
18. Started planning meals. Always remember to take a recycled carrier bag when going shopping.
19. Blood pressure has returned to normal. Off the meds.
20. Walk the dogs longer and further every day. They love the new me.
21. More confidence/more self belief.
22. Instead of hiding behind drink I've started smiling/crying/showing and feeling emotion more easily and readily.
23. Stopped mindlessly watching TV although I did my fair share of box sets in the beginning.
24. Cancelled the Sky subscription and started reading books instead.
25. Don't have a panic atack if I missed the recycling bin collection. Usually remember to put the bins out.
26. Remembered everyones birthday and sent a card.
27. Signed up for French and German language classes. Started playing my guitar again.
28. Bought a new mobile phone with my saved beer money.

The overall effect of stopping drinking has led to a life transformation. I still don't feel like my brain is working anywhere near what it should be and I still have episodes of feeling miserable several days in a row but at this point things can only keep getting better.

Dee74

As a drinker, I was very dark and cynical at the world and very much down on myself. I felt I was a waste of oxygen.

As bad as those feelings were...they didn't actually stop me getting sober - and in getting sober my worldview and my personal view got a lot better, in time.

What actually stopped me getting sober was my desire to find a way to drink, but have a different outcome.

Once I accepted that was impossible and always would be, my recovery really started

D

Berrybean

As usual, Dee hits it RIGHT on the head. Just because it's so spot on I feel the need to repeat it, but louder....

What actually stopped me getting sober was my desire to find a way to drink, but have a different outcome.

Once I accepted that was impossible and always would be, my recovery really started