I'm brand new to this and a little unsure...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 23
I'm brand new to this and a little unsure...
My husband was diagnosed with cirrhosis 2 years ago. His liver is functioning completely but his platelets are affected and therefore quite low. He has been to outpatient rehab which he loved and goes to weekly AA. He's been taking 250 mg Antabuse for a couple of months. I randomly breathalyzed him the other day and it was 0.07. He told me he has been drinking (he drinks beer) while on it and it doesn't affect him. His hepatolgist finds this difficult to believe...
Regardless, I'm having great difficulty.
Regardless, I'm having great difficulty.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Ginny,
As someone married to a person diagnosed with cirrhosis who also kept drinking, I feel for you. He almost died of it once and then went back to it. I decided one deathbed vigil for someone unwilling to do the work to save himself was enough. It's too heartbreaking to watch.
Breathalyzing him is a bad idea, for lots of reasons. It isn't good for you to be in the role of the "booze police." I doubt he's taking the antabuse. People get sick on that from the slightest quantities of alcohol. My ex went to a weekly AA meeting, too. That's just going through the motions--not real recovery.
Are you going to Al-Anon? I think it would help you a lot to take the focus off him and put it on yourself.
Hugs,
As someone married to a person diagnosed with cirrhosis who also kept drinking, I feel for you. He almost died of it once and then went back to it. I decided one deathbed vigil for someone unwilling to do the work to save himself was enough. It's too heartbreaking to watch.
Breathalyzing him is a bad idea, for lots of reasons. It isn't good for you to be in the role of the "booze police." I doubt he's taking the antabuse. People get sick on that from the slightest quantities of alcohol. My ex went to a weekly AA meeting, too. That's just going through the motions--not real recovery.
Are you going to Al-Anon? I think it would help you a lot to take the focus off him and put it on yourself.
Hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 23
I tried Al Anon last fall and I felt like a fish out of water. The stories were horrific and I found it difficult to relate. I know I need support. I also type with one finger and thus it's difficult to get all my thoughts and feelings down.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Hi GinnyV -- My husband is a drug addict, not alcoholic, so I am not well versed in Antabuse... However our stories are the same, the details are just different. I understand your pain. My AH was in outpatient for opiate addiction, and still used while receiving a prescription to help him as well. Also went to some meetings here and there... Or maybe he was out buying drugs - who really knows?...
I agree that testing him is not going to help unless he were to, for some reason, initiate it. Really, unless he was in true recovery while remaining abstinent from alcohol none of that matters. It will only frustrate you and make your health worse.
We want our loved one to reach recovery long before they desire to work for it, usually. Sounds like he may not be there yet.
Take time to type out how you feel, no matter how long it may take. It will help you, and it will help us help you
I agree that testing him is not going to help unless he were to, for some reason, initiate it. Really, unless he was in true recovery while remaining abstinent from alcohol none of that matters. It will only frustrate you and make your health worse.
We want our loved one to reach recovery long before they desire to work for it, usually. Sounds like he may not be there yet.
Take time to type out how you feel, no matter how long it may take. It will help you, and it will help us help you
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Well, Al-Anon isn't about what the alcoholic is doing, it's about how living with the drinking affects US. So "horrific stories" notwithstanding, you have been emotionally affected by the disease--If you look beyond the surface of the stories, you will find other Al-Anon members share the same kinds of worries and fears, and the solution is the same.
I'd give it another shot, and try a few different meetings. All are a little bit different.
I'd give it another shot, and try a few different meetings. All are a little bit different.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 23
Thank you. I will need to take time and write out my feelings when I've got time on my own with no children present.
I actually was advised by his liver dr to breathalyze him as well as administer the Antabuse. But now I see there is a different perspective...
I actually was advised by his liver dr to breathalyze him as well as administer the Antabuse. But now I see there is a different perspective...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 166
Hi there. I was giving my AH antabuse too and as Lexie pointed out was in the position of booze officer. Well wouldn't you know he relapsed anyway. I don't know how he did it, but they can be very ingenious when it comes to that. I now realize that it's a position I never want to be in again. It's all about control over something that cannot be controlled by anyone except the person going through it. And it takes a terrible toll on those hoping and trying to control it.
Stay strong and think about yourself.
Stay strong and think about yourself.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I actually was advised by his liver dr to breathalyze him as well as administer the Antabuse. But now I see there is a different perspective...
There certainly IS a different perspective, one that does not put YOU in the position of trying to control the actions of another adult, who has the right to make his own decisions, however awful we may think they are.
I hope you can take some time to read around the forums, making sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. Here is a thread from the "sticky" section, and it might be a good place to start: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
Keep posting, keep reading, keep learning--you'll begin to see your path forward in time.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Hmm, maybe I should start posting this link for newcomers too so they feel less intimidated w/the terminology and so on: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newcomers.html
Glad you figured it out, Ginny!
Glad you figured it out, Ginny!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
A doctor is simply telling you what to do to keep him alive. He is not taking your well being, or any emotions, into account at all. That is what they do.
I suggest, for you, a therapist who helps families who deal with addiction. Not a regular therapist b/c they are not familiar with addiction enough to help.
I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
I suggest, for you, a therapist who helps families who deal with addiction. Not a regular therapist b/c they are not familiar with addiction enough to help.
I am sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sometimes these dreadful diagnosis "backfire" when it comes to alcoholics....they decide to "try" drinking again, and whaddya know, they didn't fall over dead, so they feel IMPERVIOUS.
however the sad facts are that continued intake of alcohol CAN kill.....or they go on to live miserable lives, committing a very long slow suicide.
my own mother went into the hospital VERY sick - her liver was getting ready to give up, plus she had internal bleeding. i was IN the hospital room when her Dr told her in no uncertain terms - Barbara, if you drink again, at all, EVER, you will DIE.
but she was feeling pretty "good" - they had pumped fresh blood into her, she'd had a few days of "rest" in the hospital and demanded to be released. while she was IN the hospital my husband and i did exactly what you should NOT do, went thru her house and cleared out ALL the booze. the bottles literally filled the back of his pick up truck. it was pretty stunning.
so...home she goes. and what does she do with this new lease on life? with only ONE caveat....DO NO DRINK.
she drank. two days later back in the hospital, a week later moved to a convalescent facility, and a month or so later, died - her liver gave out. and it was really ugly to watch. she drifted into a coma at some point, they kept her pumped full of morphine because her body could no longer clean out the toxins and the pain was awful to watch. she was 58.
i know that is a sad tale but it is also a cautionary one....there are those who would rather DIE than QUIT. unfathomable but the disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. and WE can't stop it.
however the sad facts are that continued intake of alcohol CAN kill.....or they go on to live miserable lives, committing a very long slow suicide.
my own mother went into the hospital VERY sick - her liver was getting ready to give up, plus she had internal bleeding. i was IN the hospital room when her Dr told her in no uncertain terms - Barbara, if you drink again, at all, EVER, you will DIE.
but she was feeling pretty "good" - they had pumped fresh blood into her, she'd had a few days of "rest" in the hospital and demanded to be released. while she was IN the hospital my husband and i did exactly what you should NOT do, went thru her house and cleared out ALL the booze. the bottles literally filled the back of his pick up truck. it was pretty stunning.
so...home she goes. and what does she do with this new lease on life? with only ONE caveat....DO NO DRINK.
she drank. two days later back in the hospital, a week later moved to a convalescent facility, and a month or so later, died - her liver gave out. and it was really ugly to watch. she drifted into a coma at some point, they kept her pumped full of morphine because her body could no longer clean out the toxins and the pain was awful to watch. she was 58.
i know that is a sad tale but it is also a cautionary one....there are those who would rather DIE than QUIT. unfathomable but the disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. and WE can't stop it.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
A very belated Welcome Ginny. I hope you are finding ways to detach from your husband's alcoholism although this is very difficult to do when you are married.
I second every thing that has been said and will only add that most of us find Melody Beattie's book Codependent no More to be helpful.
I second every thing that has been said and will only add that most of us find Melody Beattie's book Codependent no More to be helpful.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 23
Thank you...
I read that last year and I thought it was okay for me, not great. But, as I've said, In a few days, SR and all of you have given me a gift that I didn't expect. I am no longer responsible for his sobriety. Who knew?
I read that last year and I thought it was okay for me, not great. But, as I've said, In a few days, SR and all of you have given me a gift that I didn't expect. I am no longer responsible for his sobriety. Who knew?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 121
Hi Ginny,
I just wanted to welcome you. I've been on SR for about a week or two. The support here alone is like the breath of fresh air you've been gasping for, for what seems like an eternity.
The support, the stories, the wisdom is so helpful and so inspiring. I urge you to keep coming back- even just for some light reading or to pass the time.
My husband has been sober for two weeks.
The members at SR have been very supportive to me and have shed a lot of light on to my life.
If you aren't ready for Al anon like I wasn't when I first came here, the members here are like a life line. They can offer support, wisdom, resources and a lot of things that our friends and extended family members can't. Some of them are going through it, and some of them have already lived through it. Hearing from both sides is very helpful.
Keep coming back ♡
I just wanted to welcome you. I've been on SR for about a week or two. The support here alone is like the breath of fresh air you've been gasping for, for what seems like an eternity.
The support, the stories, the wisdom is so helpful and so inspiring. I urge you to keep coming back- even just for some light reading or to pass the time.
My husband has been sober for two weeks.
The members at SR have been very supportive to me and have shed a lot of light on to my life.
If you aren't ready for Al anon like I wasn't when I first came here, the members here are like a life line. They can offer support, wisdom, resources and a lot of things that our friends and extended family members can't. Some of them are going through it, and some of them have already lived through it. Hearing from both sides is very helpful.
Keep coming back ♡
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 23
I'm here :)
We hired an addiction specialist who works with the entire family. He's been a blessing and all of us feel a connection to him. My husband had been sober for 4 weeks.
Thank you everyone. I do realize this is a one day at a time life...
Thank you everyone. I do realize this is a one day at a time life...
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