Honesty at the start of a new relationship
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Honesty at the start of a new relationship
Recently Started seeing this girl, we've met up a couple of times , days out here and there, nothing major or to serious and things seem to be going great. Following the normal routine of how these things play out a dinner date or night out can't be to far away. I've long since thought about this situation and now it's finally here, how do I tell her I don't drink and the reason why I don't drink? She's going to ask this at some point and I'd like to give an honest answer , but is this the right thing to do, as that could mean game over before things have even started. Either way Shes going to find out in the end so do I just bite the bullet? Yes I know some will say if Shes worth it shel be ok and understand bla bla, but its not as easy as that is it.
This just feels like another crossroads moment, and is another reminder that I've only just put my shoes on in terms of how far I am into my recovery.
This just feels like another crossroads moment, and is another reminder that I've only just put my shoes on in terms of how far I am into my recovery.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It is a bit late for this advice James, but your predicament is one of the main reasons it's not recommended to get involved in a relationship early in sobriety. It's difficult enough to take care of ourselves, much less the trials and tribulations that are involved with a relationship.
Regarding the alcohol question, most likely it won't even come up....our addiction would have us thing that others care if we are drinking alcohol or not. In reality, most people don't care and/or even notice one way or the other. Ordering a non-alcoholic drink with dinner is perfectly acceptable for anyone in any situation. Of course if you develop a long term relationship with someone you would want to be truthful about everything in your life, but that's a bridge you shouldn't have to worry about crossing for quite some time.
Regarding the alcohol question, most likely it won't even come up....our addiction would have us thing that others care if we are drinking alcohol or not. In reality, most people don't care and/or even notice one way or the other. Ordering a non-alcoholic drink with dinner is perfectly acceptable for anyone in any situation. Of course if you develop a long term relationship with someone you would want to be truthful about everything in your life, but that's a bridge you shouldn't have to worry about crossing for quite some time.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by James90 
Rhow do I tell her I don't drink and the reason why I don't drink?
But not yet.
Now if you relapse the reason is going to be out for her and the world to see. That's a whole different scenario. For right now, you tell her you don't drink and don't future trip about it.
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