This isn't easy to say....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Mare Crisium
Posts: 1,930
This isn't easy to say....
This really is difficult to type out, but here goes.
Day one.
Without any sugar coating or excuses, yesterday I starting drinking.
While posting, that is.
I owe all of you an apology for this inexcusable behavior.
Many of you have come such a long way in recovery; you surely
don’t need my strange posts, cluttering important topics.
Not fair to you.
I also wish to apologize for sending a few bizarre PM’s;
(you know who you are).
This website was created to help all of us. I foolishly abused it.
This hasn’t been the first time I’ve posted while using,
but I vow it to be the last.
I needed to be honest. Thanks to those who took the time to read this
I’m tired of trying to fool myself. It seems that I get 30-60-90 days in, feel
fantastic, then fall. Since joining in May 2014, the longest consecutive
stretch I had was 120- something days. I am not going to wallow in guilt and self-pity,
though I feel like a jackass.
I need to change.
Day one.
Without any sugar coating or excuses, yesterday I starting drinking.
While posting, that is.
I owe all of you an apology for this inexcusable behavior.
Many of you have come such a long way in recovery; you surely
don’t need my strange posts, cluttering important topics.
Not fair to you.
I also wish to apologize for sending a few bizarre PM’s;
(you know who you are).
This website was created to help all of us. I foolishly abused it.
This hasn’t been the first time I’ve posted while using,
but I vow it to be the last.
I needed to be honest. Thanks to those who took the time to read this
I’m tired of trying to fool myself. It seems that I get 30-60-90 days in, feel
fantastic, then fall. Since joining in May 2014, the longest consecutive
stretch I had was 120- something days. I am not going to wallow in guilt and self-pity,
though I feel like a jackass.
I need to change.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Honesty is the cornerstone of just about anything in life, sobriety being no different. Glad you decided to be true - especially to yourself - about it. How can we help you make a new plan or shore up the one you already have?
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
Well done for posting Lunar that is awesome of you, it can't have been easy
All those 60, 90, 120 something days add up to a lot of sobriety. I would say that you are really close to making it permanent
All those 60, 90, 120 something days add up to a lot of sobriety. I would say that you are really close to making it permanent
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hi lunar. I'm also glad you're back. It's very common to start feeling better and then decide, maybe things aren't so bad and I can have a drink. As you're learning that's not true. See if you can put something in your plan for when those thoughts come up again. They most likely will and you'll be ready for them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
We have all been there, you are not the only one to post while using.
You have been honest, you want better for yourself, you are making changes that are positive- don't give up on yourself, you are a lot stronger than you think you are, I promise you that. We have all felt like we couldn't do it, but if you take it one day at a time and create a strong recovery plan that covers all the things that in the past have been weak spots where you have fallen in the past.
Have you considered choosing a recovery program that you can follow? Have you considered substance abuse counseling where you can get an unbiased opinion from a professional and get all the benefits counseling can offer you? I also am a firm believer that all alcoholics and addicts should find a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction and get a full psychological evaluation because it is VERY common for people who suffer from addiction and/or alcoholism to have different mental illnesses that when they go undiagnosed and the proper medications are prescribed and taken then recovery and quality of life is not what it can be- it robes you of feeling better in all aspects of life.
You can do this, NEVER give up on yourself- you are worth it!
You have been honest, you want better for yourself, you are making changes that are positive- don't give up on yourself, you are a lot stronger than you think you are, I promise you that. We have all felt like we couldn't do it, but if you take it one day at a time and create a strong recovery plan that covers all the things that in the past have been weak spots where you have fallen in the past.
Have you considered choosing a recovery program that you can follow? Have you considered substance abuse counseling where you can get an unbiased opinion from a professional and get all the benefits counseling can offer you? I also am a firm believer that all alcoholics and addicts should find a psychiatrist that specializes in addiction and get a full psychological evaluation because it is VERY common for people who suffer from addiction and/or alcoholism to have different mental illnesses that when they go undiagnosed and the proper medications are prescribed and taken then recovery and quality of life is not what it can be- it robes you of feeling better in all aspects of life.
You can do this, NEVER give up on yourself- you are worth it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
We have all been there. After my last relapse it took me 3 days to come back here. And after the day I have had I did think about a drink tonight yes but I was smoking instead. Hang in there, we will always support you here.
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