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Starting over

Old 07-24-2016, 05:49 PM
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Ghosts31
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Starting over

I'm back ... I was on this site last year after things had gotten out of hand with my alcohol problem and the support on this site was very inspiring ... I made it two months before my first relapse ... And felt so guilty and hypocritical that I could not come back here... and had had several in the past seven months since then ... While I have not hit rock bottom like last year at this time, I find myself drinking with more frequency and in greater quantities again ... Most recently last night when I made the stupid decision of getting behind the wheel and driving two blocks home. Fortunately I made it home with no issues. Not sure why I couldn't walk ... I am back again determined to take control of my alcoholism once and for all ... Beginning NOW ... It's not enough, but I am sorry to all the people I let down because of my drinking and need to start being accountable for my actions once more. I know I need a better plan but this site was the best thing to happen to me last year and I will utilize it even more this time around. Thank you for your support
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:07 PM
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Welcome back Ghost. I am glad you didn't hurt yourself or someone else last night. It took me many tries before I finally got things right, I am closing in on seven months. Sobriety is definitely worth it.

Looking forward to seeing you on SR!!
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:14 PM
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Nice to meet you, Ghost. I'm new here, and new to recovery but it is nice to meet you.
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:17 PM
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Welcome back, Ghost and I know you will continue to find the support you are seeking as you continue to read and post.
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:19 PM
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Great to have you back with us, Ghosts. Sounds like you're ready to say goodbye to it for good. You can do it.
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Old 07-24-2016, 06:32 PM
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Ghosts31
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Thank you all ... I haven't always been successful in the past year. But through a lot of reflection I have learned that my biggest trigger is loneliness ... I've found that when I am lonely is when I tend to put myself in situations where I am around people that are drinking... I know the trigger. I somehow need to respond differently to it.
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Old 07-24-2016, 07:37 PM
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Welcome back! Here's to you your persistence!

KP
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Old 07-24-2016, 10:22 PM
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Good to see you Ghost
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Old 07-24-2016, 11:24 PM
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It's great you are recognizing the insanity of the progression.
bad news is it can only get worse
good news is you are aware of the progression and the impending consequences if it continues.
Take drastic action to change. It doesn't get better unless you concede to your innermost self that it has a grip on you and while consequences are minimal now, they will surely increase.
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Old 07-24-2016, 11:44 PM
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Glad you made it back. What else are you going to add to your plan this time, to make it more sustainable in the long term?
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Old 07-25-2016, 12:21 AM
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Welcome Back Berrybeans questions is a good one

D
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Old 07-25-2016, 06:06 AM
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Ghosts31
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I'm not sure right now ...that is my dilemma. I know I can't live like a hermit forever. I tried that last summer. Other than changing the circles I hang out in and staying away from the places I go to drink in not sure about a plan. I have several good friends that have been very supportive of my decision to try and stay sober in the last year ... I have thought about meetings and know there are a lot of them in the small town I live in. Am scared of meetings though because it is a small town where everyone knows everyone and tends to talk about others business.... Any input on how to form a plan is appreciated.
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Old 07-25-2016, 11:39 AM
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You think that no one noticed you getting drunk before? I'd you really are in that unusual position as an alcoholic, I'd be very surprised.

I'd suggest, swallow your pride, bite the bullet and go get well with people who understand you, and can support you. I suspect that the people you would meet I those meetings will be very unlike those you seem to have been spending time with up til now. I would also say, if you are at all worried about particular information DO NOT share it openly in meetings. Protect your sobriety by staying safe. Get to know who you can trust and who you get on with over a few months, then if you want to talk, do so in small groups or one to one.

I know some people presume that they will have to speak in meetings. This is not the case. I know some people who never share in the open room (but do chat to a few trusted AA friends ), and that sharing our misdemeanours means with everyone in the fellowship,. Also not true. Yes, as part of step 5 we share things with a God of our own understanding and with ANOTHER human being. For some people this isn't even someone in the fellowship. I've heard of people (unusual though) who prefer to share it with a member of the clergy, or a complete stranger, or a friend outside AA.

I am a teacher, and recognise all the 'reasons ' you give for not being able to get help at AA or similar as ones that I made excuses with for a long time. I've now been in the fellowship for a couple of years. My boss knows about it, as I made the decision to tell her as she'd referred me for counselling and had been trying to help me get past terrible depression and anxiety, and I was worried she'd find out some other way. No one has ever found out about it unless I have chosen to tell them myself. In the rooms I have met surgeons, lawyers, self-made millionaire businessmen, mothers, father's, grandparents, nurses, builders, teachers, counsellors, gardeners, university professors and lecturers, a few homeless and unemployed people, jockeys, shop workers, publishers... I could go on. Alcoholism affects a great many people from different walk of life. There are many differences between us, but there are also many, many similarities, and a lot of genuine care and affection between us. Please don't let fear-induced contempt prior to investigation stop yourself from at least giving this support network a good go.
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Old 07-25-2016, 01:01 PM
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Welcome back, I wish you strength.
xx
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Old 07-25-2016, 02:20 PM
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Hi Ghost,
I'm fairly new here, but - wow - your situation sure feels familiar.
Please, please don't feel you have disappointed anyone here. I'm very happy you had the courage to face your fears and return. I wish I'd been brave enough to start up here when I first realized I needed to. And I would have been hesitant myself. But you did it! And now I know that if I lose my footing I can come back and no one will judge me. And I hope I won't be chided for sounding like I'm encouraging people to lapse. I'm choosing to look at my lapses as an opportunity to learn and strengthen my resolve. If I despair I'm afraid that I will convince myself that I might as well drink again. That is the worst possible choice for me. The fact is, for me, after the lapses the suffering was incredibly worse to the point that I kindled and finally had a seizure. I hope no one plays with fire the way I did.
For me, AA is not my choice. I understand your concerns very well. It seems a rather sticky subject here so I won't elaborate. There are other resources. I find so much help and encouragement here and on other sites. Also there are apparently AA sites online where you might see if you find the environment safe. I might. There is never only one way. But please resist the urge to take even that "one drink." Most of us can't stop there.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. And welcome back
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Old 07-25-2016, 03:18 PM
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Ghosts31
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Thank you Berrybean and Dame and everyone else for your advice and words of encouragement ... And even laying it out in a straight-forward no-nonsense manner ... It means a lot to know there is so much support. Not sure what the future holds and I'm going to beat this one way or another ... I do know tonight I'm enjoying a night of vacation ... Watching my kids swim ... And just reflecting on the past couple years in general and all the lessons learned. I'm sure there are a lot more lessons to come.
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Old 07-25-2016, 03:19 PM
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Ghosts31
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For me AA is not my choice yet ... But I also know I need a different plan of attack this time around.
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Old 07-26-2016, 12:49 AM
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Nothing like a plan...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-2.html
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