Self worth... alcohol... pregnancy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 52
Self worth... alcohol... pregnancy
So - after easily 16 years of out of hand drinking. ... and the last five seriously - easily over 100 units a week - every week, with a very occasional few days off a couple of times per year.
Last week - I found out I was pregnant, and the quit was immediate, apart from a little night sweating no effects. Literally zero desire to drink. ... don't get me wrong I don't think I'm 'cured' .... in fact I worry for after the birth - will I dive straight back in?
The point is it made me wonder... I CAN quit for this unknown life growing in me.... but I can't quit for myself and all that my life should be????? Is it recklessness, low self worth.... I'm not really one for 'love your self' and too much 'therapy' but this has made me wonder.
Anyhooo just pondering, hope everyone is well.
Last week - I found out I was pregnant, and the quit was immediate, apart from a little night sweating no effects. Literally zero desire to drink. ... don't get me wrong I don't think I'm 'cured' .... in fact I worry for after the birth - will I dive straight back in?
The point is it made me wonder... I CAN quit for this unknown life growing in me.... but I can't quit for myself and all that my life should be????? Is it recklessness, low self worth.... I'm not really one for 'love your self' and too much 'therapy' but this has made me wonder.
Anyhooo just pondering, hope everyone is well.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
you have a passenger for the next 8 months - use the time to really bed in a plan to maintain your sobriety once they arrive. i could stop - the hard part was staying stopped.
my kiddo is 16 now, and i quit just over 2 years ago. she has always had a drunk for a mother. she left to go and live with her dad when she was 13 - it was devastating.
now i'm sober we have such a good relationship and i feel so guilty about all the years i was checked out.
make it stick now, and really enjoy your new arrival. congratulations!
my kiddo is 16 now, and i quit just over 2 years ago. she has always had a drunk for a mother. she left to go and live with her dad when she was 13 - it was devastating.
now i'm sober we have such a good relationship and i feel so guilty about all the years i was checked out.
make it stick now, and really enjoy your new arrival. congratulations!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
I can imagine your nervous scared etc but honestly staying sober is the best thing I do every day sure I don't always have the best day but who does ?
The important thing is we get the real us back & you can't put a price on that congratulations on your pregnancy make this the dawn of a new day a new age for you & your child
Blessings
The important thing is we get the real us back & you can't put a price on that congratulations on your pregnancy make this the dawn of a new day a new age for you & your child
Blessings
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by chickippo 
you have a passenger for the next 8 months - use the time to really bed in a plan to maintain your sobriety once they arrive. i could stop - the hard part was staying stopped.
my kiddo is 16 now, and i quit just over 2 years ago. she has always had a drunk for a mother. she left to go and live with her dad when she was 13 - it was devastating.
now i'm sober we have such a good relationship and i feel so guilty about all the years i was checked out.
make it stick now, and really enjoy your new arrival. congratulations!
my kiddo is 16 now, and i quit just over 2 years ago. she has always had a drunk for a mother. she left to go and live with her dad when she was 13 - it was devastating.
now i'm sober we have such a good relationship and i feel so guilty about all the years i was checked out.
make it stick now, and really enjoy your new arrival. congratulations!
..... but! 2 years that's amazing, and it's great that you have so much to look forward to now. 
You're right - stopping is easy, staying stopped is the issue. 
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 52
Thank you for the replies and well wishes. I've just returned from a meal out.... everybody was drinking, everybody - well except my Husband, who know's I have demons (and in truth he does a little too... and that makes me value his support all the more - hasn't touched a drop since we found out) and I didn't flicker, a pint of orange and water (!) not even a tonic water - I didn't want the taste as G&T is my tipple. But in reality I was unfussed.
The day I found out I went in to town to buy my Husband something nice for dinner..... and in the supermarket I was given a SHARP reminder of the future unless I quit. I saw a 50+ year old couple fighting over which spirit to buy, both clearly a little inebriated already. It seemed from the outside there was only enough money for one bottle, he wanted whisky she wanted vodka - and there they were being absolutely vile and nasty and cutting with each other and ....loudly
Hoping this sticks.... and annoyed that apparently (well, obviously) I couldnt be bothered to do it for myself, or my Husband
dunno
The day I found out I went in to town to buy my Husband something nice for dinner..... and in the supermarket I was given a SHARP reminder of the future unless I quit. I saw a 50+ year old couple fighting over which spirit to buy, both clearly a little inebriated already. It seemed from the outside there was only enough money for one bottle, he wanted whisky she wanted vodka - and there they were being absolutely vile and nasty and cutting with each other and ....loudly
Hoping this sticks.... and annoyed that apparently (well, obviously) I couldnt be bothered to do it for myself, or my Husband
dunno Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
Congratulations on your pregnancy! This must be a very interesting time for both of you!
I'm going to be a little cautionary so please forgive me. At the time I became pregnant I quit smoking immediately (not a drinker yet). I never felt an urge or a craving to smoke while pregnant. Within a few weeks of the birth, the cravings started horribly, and I gave in. Never smoked in the house or in front of my child, but it was back and I did it. Still kinda hate myself for it as I still think it could have ended then and there if I had just fought it.
Pregnancy does something to us - I know a few people who instantly stopped drinking/smoking etc upon learning of a pregnancy only to pick it up again after the fact.
Long story short, you may want to lay the groundwork down now for what life will look like after the birth and what supports you will have in place for yourself. Taking care of a newborn is exhausting and lovely, but your hormones will settle back to normal eventually and you will still need to deal with this issue.
Wishing you the best of luck!
I'm going to be a little cautionary so please forgive me. At the time I became pregnant I quit smoking immediately (not a drinker yet). I never felt an urge or a craving to smoke while pregnant. Within a few weeks of the birth, the cravings started horribly, and I gave in. Never smoked in the house or in front of my child, but it was back and I did it. Still kinda hate myself for it as I still think it could have ended then and there if I had just fought it.
Pregnancy does something to us - I know a few people who instantly stopped drinking/smoking etc upon learning of a pregnancy only to pick it up again after the fact.
Long story short, you may want to lay the groundwork down now for what life will look like after the birth and what supports you will have in place for yourself. Taking care of a newborn is exhausting and lovely, but your hormones will settle back to normal eventually and you will still need to deal with this issue.
Wishing you the best of luck!
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 52
HI lrnldy001 ..... Totally agree... and this is exactly my worry. Think I'm going to have to suck it up and go to AA..... even if I will feel a bit of a schmuck sitting there with a baby bump. I don't want people to think I drink WHILE pregnant, but I guess I need to reinforcement for the time ahead.
All the best, and thank you for the luck!
All the best, and thank you for the luck!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Congratulations on the pregnancy, and I am glad you quit immediately. I can completely relate to the low self worth thing. I abused myself badly and often because while I cared about everyone else, I cared nothing of myself.
Hopefully the next few months will help you change your view of yourself.
Hopefully the next few months will help you change your view of yourself.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi, Time!
Conrats on your amazing news!!
I thought to respond on the part about going back to drinking after the baby is born.
Personally I was easily able to quit with my pregnancies also. After my youngest was born 7 years ago, My drinking slowly, then quickly escalated. In fact, I just a pic of myself when he was a year old- physically I don't look the same now and trust me it was the booze. I thought I did a great job of hiding my drinking from my kids, but now that I am getting honest, they knew and were negatively affected.
My point is, I think it is great you are on SR and realize now you have issues with drinking. With emotions and stress after the baby. Perhaps it's all too easy for us to drink to numb ourselves. I succumbed to the "mommy deserves a glass of wine" BS for a long time.
Maybe now is a good time to put plans in place, such as SMART, LifeRing, AA. (Just reading the above post and agree). No one is going to judge you for sitting there with a baby bump- I attend AA now and it isn't about judgement, it's about support and being happy in sobriety. There are several parents with young babies at my home group, too.
If I could turn back the clock, I wish I would have had the sense and support in place to never pick up a glass again after my sweet babies were born. Being a sober mom is worth every second. Trust me, there isn't a drink in the world worth forgetting special moments with your child due to a blackout.
Conrats on your amazing news!!
I thought to respond on the part about going back to drinking after the baby is born.
Personally I was easily able to quit with my pregnancies also. After my youngest was born 7 years ago, My drinking slowly, then quickly escalated. In fact, I just a pic of myself when he was a year old- physically I don't look the same now and trust me it was the booze. I thought I did a great job of hiding my drinking from my kids, but now that I am getting honest, they knew and were negatively affected.
My point is, I think it is great you are on SR and realize now you have issues with drinking. With emotions and stress after the baby. Perhaps it's all too easy for us to drink to numb ourselves. I succumbed to the "mommy deserves a glass of wine" BS for a long time.
Maybe now is a good time to put plans in place, such as SMART, LifeRing, AA. (Just reading the above post and agree). No one is going to judge you for sitting there with a baby bump- I attend AA now and it isn't about judgement, it's about support and being happy in sobriety. There are several parents with young babies at my home group, too.
If I could turn back the clock, I wish I would have had the sense and support in place to never pick up a glass again after my sweet babies were born. Being a sober mom is worth every second. Trust me, there isn't a drink in the world worth forgetting special moments with your child due to a blackout.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Congratulations! Babies are a blessing. We read all the time of people quitting while pregnant. I think that, fortunately for MOST people, Mother Nature takes over and the need to protect your unborn kicks in, knowing that what you take in, the baby literally takes in as well.
I hope you are able to maintain your Sobriety after childbirth. Build your "sober muscles", and have your plan in place. Again, congratulations on your wonderful news!
I hope you are able to maintain your Sobriety after childbirth. Build your "sober muscles", and have your plan in place. Again, congratulations on your wonderful news!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
That's happy news, congrats! It's wonderful that you have no problem quitting. I also quit for my pregnancies -- my youngest is now 10 -- and I wish I would have never picked up a glass again. I didn't even miss it while I was pregnant. I think it's fantastic that you are thinking about the future and addressing it now. Happy gestating! :-)
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Timeonmyhands
HI lrnldy001 ..... Totally agree... and this is exactly my worry. Think I'm going to have to suck it up and go to AA..... even if I will feel a bit of a schmuck sitting there with a baby bump. I don't want people to think I drink WHILE pregnant, but I guess I need to reinforcement for the time ahead.
All the best, and thank you for the luck!
All the best, and thank you for the luck!
Honestly, no one will judge in any way at AA. They'll just be grateful that there is a newcomer in the room, and that they can help to change your life, and that of your baby for the future.
Besides, AA isn't about getting us sober. Only the very first step of the the 12-step program even mentions alcohol. The other steps are all about learning to live comfortably and contentedly without it. And how to deal with resentments and fears, and live life on life's terms. And I reckon that is something that can only enhance pregnancy and motherhood.
Wishing you all the very best for your recovery and sustained sobriety, your pregnancy and motherhood.
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