FLA

Today I felt a tiny better during the day anxiety etc coming in waves in and out and then all a sudden around 7:30pm a wave came over me like I have felt this past week just all discombobulated anxiety, fear, depression, super cloudy mind. Doing the simplest tasks seem like monumental feats just talking to people is hard! Death came across my mind as the only way out of this misery. I am SO sick of feeling like this! Is alcohol the culprit, am I loosing it? All going through my head. Realizing how little friends I have zero if you count drinking friends as not friends. All I have is a big savings account, no job, no job experience, no social network, nothing but my mom dad and girlfriend. I feel crazy!!!! I can't continue to live like this guys, it's so unbearable to deal with! Like why is this happening?! It seems so unreal that this is happening to me right now! I cannot take it! Two weeks ago I was "ok" now I'm at one of the worst states I've ever been in my life! I am scared to be sober, I'm scared I won't like my self, I'm scared I have underlying issues all causing anxiety, I'm scared I'm gonna loose my girl friend over this, I'm scared my family is going to get tired of my ****. I don't see anything positive out if this I just see misery. This feels TERRIBLE! It's day five with no alcohol this should have passed! Something is wrong and I want it to stop! It has to stop I'm hitting my breaking point I can't take this anymore!!!!!!

least

Five days sober is within the time frame of physical withdrawal. Of course you feel horrible. You need more sober time to feel better. Be patient. It will get better if you stay sober.

FLA

I'm trying so ******* hard! I feel so terrible! I haven't had any physical signs of withdrawal, all in my head! Nothing seems worse than this feeling. I literally want to DIE! Death seems like the only thing that would help me I'm helpless I'm so out of options my life is in shambles literally the same week me and my girl move in together this happens! No job! Everything is crumbling apart. I can't take this anymore I am loosing it. I'm trying so so hard but this is so heavy on my mind and body! The anxiety is crippling me I'm physically exhausted from all this anxiety depression and I'm scared when it fades that I'll be a weirdo or something without alcohol! I'm so scared of everything this is the hardest thing I've ever done! I don't know how much longer I can last and I'm not talking about going to the bar.... I need relief.

Ghostlight1

If I kept drinking, and I did and went through many bottoms, all that did come out of it was misery. Beyond even that. I don't a strong enough word for it. Nightmare. A waking, anxious, terrified zombie slave to alcohol.

I understand your fears I lived like that for years. Only complete abstinence saved me. It took awhile to get back to living. But I did. Alcohol was the root of all my problems.
You're not alone. Life can change for the better without alcohol. I wish that for you.

Dee74

If you thinking about Death, maybe it's time to see a Dr FLA?

D

FLA

I've seen a normal doctor and therapist 4 times the past two weeks. Starting to get dizzy and light headed just cried like a bitch all over my girl friend. He gave me kolonopan and Zoloft. Been on Zoloft 3 days tonight will be 4th scared to take kolonopan because I don't like Xanax. I'm just so hopeless and scared I don't know what to ******* do. My girl friend is completely normal and she doesn't understand she is trying everything to help me but she has no anxiety or drinking issues. In fact most of the time she was drinking with me for the past few years but she doesn't have any issues with it so it's hard for her to understand I don't even know if this from the alcohol. My family has a history of alcoholism tho. Mom has been sober 13-14years dads dad does not directly from it but due to it. Heavy drinking in my genes so maybe that's why she's not affected as bad as me. Starting to feel dizzy and tingly light headed haven't felt this before.

Bekindalways

Irk FLA, what you are going through sounds hands down horrible. Please think of going to see a doc.

Whatever happens stay close and keep posting!

FLA

Worst thing I have ever gone through and I have been through some heavy ****. I'm so over this so over life so scared of the future if I continue.

Dee74

Maybe you could get a referral to a psych doc?

D

Bekindalways

Please FLA consider finding a Doc or even going into an emergency room. This kind of thing is no joke. Hmmmm . . . as if I need to tell you that.

FLA

I would much rather be puking and physically sick than this. I can't function. No job now. I have nothing. This anxiety has crippled me and idk if it was brought on by booze or not that's what's adding to the fuel. 3-4 times a week heavily for 2 years and before that binge drinking everyday for 5-6 years. People say it's withdrawals on here but my friends and even parents and girl friend are telling me I'm not a alcoholic and that I should stop drinking but none of them seem to think I'm a alcoholic. Except my mom who has been warning me my whole life that one day I was gonna cross that "line" what ever that meant I guess this could be it.

FLA

Did yall read above? Been four times this week. Psych doc and normal doc. That's who put me on Zoloft and kolonopan. It gets so bad at night. Unbearable.

Bekindalways

I'm glad to hear you are not alone FLA that your girlfriend is there. Also glad to hear you have been seeking help but it sucks that what you are taking doesn't seem to be helping.

I'm a chronic depressive so know that pharmaceuticals are a bit of a crap shoot. Unfortunately physical ailments are easier to treat than our mental/emotional ones. Have you been able to sleep the past few nights?

Dee74

Yeah I did. I read everything

I still figure if you're thinking that way,even after seeing Drs and therapists, and starting new meds, and things are still unbearable, then maybe you need more help, FLA?

I had to see a few Drs to get to the nub of all my issues.

Hope you find a solution

D

Bekindalways

We are all posting at the same time - irk. Sounds like you aren't sleeping.

Keep breathing man! Hang tough!

FLA

Ya I can sleep fine wake up early tho. And I'm on Zoloft only taken it three times it takes a couple weeks to see the results so I wasn't expecting to take one and feel better. But the kolonopan can be instant I'm just scared to take it and it make me worse and more anxious. As Xanax did. She just left for a closing shift at work as it's still happening. Now I'm a lone in my thoughts till 3am. And the cycle is only going to continue tomorrow.

Jsbodhi

I don't really have any advice other than what has already been said.
Just here to offer my support and let you know we're here xo

awuh1

You are doing the right things. You've seen a doctor, you have quit drinking, you are taking (most of) the medication prescribed and you are reaching out for help here. Give yourself credit. Quitting is difficult! Especially in the beginning. Lots of your fears are based in physical/biological adjustments to being sober. Far less of them are based in reality. You will eventually see this as you begin to come out the other side of this difficult period.

It typically takes time for the medications to do some good, so be patient. Consider taking all the medications that have been prescribed and exactly as recommended. This is typically for the best.

You are having a very difficult time at the beginning of your journey, but it won't last. Guaranteed!

D122y

Fla,

First off, I am not a dr. You have seen one.

If you feel suicidal call 911.

They ER can put you on stuff like valume to calm you.

My opinion is stay away from the rx meds.

Get off them all together. That is what is jacking you up.

Deal w the anxiety w lots of fluid, quality protien, fruit, and greens, sugary foods, and lots of sleep.

My anxiety was insane for over 3 months. I hit the gym a lot. That really helped and I lost 30 pounds.

The world according to d122y.

FLA

The problem is I have had a underlying anxiety issue since I was a teenager. It's not just from stopping drinking. When I was a teen I didn't want to take medicines I wanted to be normal shortly after that began the partying that never really stopped till now. I need to be on something for my anxiety or I would not be able to function, the death thoughts aren't suicidal more of thinking of ways this can stop and death just happens to cross my mind as the only thing since nothing else is working. Wish u hadn't said that now I'm worried not to take my meds. Hospitals are expensive in fact I owe 400.00 still from my last visit for "chest pains" which turned out to be nothing but worry. I'm going home tomorrow for 5 days. But I can't keep living like this guys it has to end soon this mindset is unfunctional I can't live with this anxiety and depression. I need my life back.