marxo

recently I had found out my sister was using heroin.. which I had made a previous post about. but now I have found out my mother does as well. my mom has been my best friend, she's a amazing mom to all her kids. always been around.. is a hardworking nurse. what do I do? my brothers and sister and I are so young. I can't have not only my sister but also my mother doing it?? I always knew there was something off.. She could always financially help me when I was stuck. (I'm a 21 year old college student) I am a full time worker but with maintaining my car, and just my own expenses and bills.. Sometimes I need help too and she's never not given it to me until recently. Where she couldn't help me. She's too busy with herself and my sister and what they do. She has been so sneaky about it. Now I can see when people say that people that are addicts or alcoholics can hide it sooooo incredibly well they are not lying. This is something I only ever hear about. People having drug addicted parents or siblings.. But you don't realize how easily it could be you or anyone until your in this position. This is the only way I can talk to anybody about how I feel is in this support group. And it's almost sad that my own mom doesn't realize that I have to revert to online forums like this because I don't know what else to do??? It makes me so sad and heart broken. I would love to tell my dad and just admit them.. But they would never forgive me. I know you have to practice tough love. I'd rather see them in a rehab or jail than in a casket. I'm 21, I can't deal with this. 😭

Ann

Marxo, I am so sorry, how hard this must be for you and your siblings.

Don't be afraid to express how you feel, to her, to your dad, to whoever you need to talk to. Just say it respectfully and talk about "you" and how this affects you and your siblings. Anger and blame will not accomplish anything except to make the situation worse. Once said, let it go, live your life and pray for them, because in the end they are the only ones who can change...or not...no matter how much we love them. If love could save an addict, not one of us would be here.

I am glad that you can financially take care of yourself, even if it is a struggle. If you can find support meetings in your area, you may find that helpful too...Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are 3 similar fellowships that have helped many of us, also family groups and therapy may help you find your peace again, regardless of how your mother and sister do.

I will keep your family in my prayers, and you too.

Hugs

atalose

It’s a horrible feeling to feel helpless believe me I know. You might be surprised that possible your dad already knows about your mom’s drug use and like you he feels isolated with no one to talk to about it.

I think having a conversation with him could be beneficial to both of you.

Keep posting, keep venting here because we do understand what you are going through and we do know it sucks.

hopeful4

I am so very sorry you are dealing with this, especially at such a young and vulnerable time in your own life.

Have you spoken with her about it? I would definitely open up to your father. There comes a time that even if you make someone mad about things, it could be just the thing to save them. H addiction is a serious thing, and it will continue to worsen. Don't isolate, we are here for you!

marxo

Aww thank you for your kind words! I appreciate it so much.

marxo

I had my suspicions, she in the past was on pain pills for years. And then all of a sudden just wasn't taking them anymore. And before I knew it she would just not tell me where she was running to, or just giving extremely vague replies to me about what she was doing. Which isn't like her at all. We been so close that me and my mom literally talk so openly about everything. And then last night I straight up asked her, cause she knew that I knew and I am over the lies. So she admitted she has a problem. And just cried and cried to me about how this isn't the life she wants to live. But she wants the focus to be on my sister who is trying to overcome her addiction before my niece arrives. But it's like, she is supposed to be the role model. Shouldn't she be the one to bite the bullet, and yes my sister needs help with her H addiction as well. But just do a program or a rehab to make herself a better mother, soon to be grandma, a better nurse. And maybe that would motivate my sister to take that next step?? I'm sorry all this is all new to me and I haven't been able to even think right or sleep all week. ��

PuzzledHeart

Marxo, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. You should absolutely talk to someone because it shouldn't be your burden to bear alone.

I had to call the doctor a month ago after my mom threatened suicide and she told me that she would never speak to me again. I cried even harder, told her I loved her, and did it.

Fast forward to today: I just got off the phone with her this afternoon and I visited her last week.

I'll add my prayers to everyone else's here.

PS:

I hesitate to ask because I know that you're dealing with so much already, but does your mom have patients under her care?

Many state licensing boards have programs for med staff with substance abuse issues because what your mom is going through is not uncommon at all.

Drug addiction among nurses: Confronting a quiet epidemic | Modern medicine

Here's an example of stuff going on in my area:
http://www.op.nysed.gov/prof/spanbrochure.pdf
New Jersey State Nurses Association | About RAMP
Welcome to HAVEN- Health Assistance InterVention Education Network

AdelineRose

I am so sorry you are hurting so much right now, but so happy you found Sober Recovery because this place is filled with tons of people who care and who have been where you are or are going through it. It proves you are not alone, and you can always reach out here to vent, complain, ask questions, or just update.

Heroin addiction doesn't just affect the addict, it affects the entire family. It can get so easy to only focus on the addict, but please remember that YOU matter. Your needs are just as important as theirs. If you are feeling overwhelmed and feel like you want or need to talk to your dad, then reach out and talk to him. You do not need to go through this alone. Counseling can be a huge help, there are meetings for family members also, and if you ever just need to talk to someone please know you can always PM me. I am a recovering heroin addict and a loved one of a recovering heroin addict so I have been there on both sides.

marxo

Puzzledheart thank you very much for sending me that. I'm gonna look more into it. She is a LPN at a rehabilitation/nursing home facility. So not many patients under her direct care. I appreciate it. It's so crazy I feel so much love here, I wish I could just meet you all!! And I'm so sorry about your mom, but I am so happy for you that you talked to her and got to see her! That makes my heart happy for you! I hope she is doing better and your relationship gets better and keeps growing. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

marxo

Adeline thank you for the reply. I appreciate you willing to talk to me since you've seen both sides of the spectrum. I know I can never understand fully to what you all have battled and went through. But I'm so happy about your recovery and I hope you keep up all the good work.