Worried for kids health
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1
Worried for kids health
My X needs to attend AA meetings, instead of talking to our 9 year old twins about his sorrows. I cannot control his actions.....How many more chances should he get before I say enough is enough. Tonight, he has been sobbing to me over phone and texting, while it is his parent time. This happens regularly, 2-4 X/mo.
Advice?
Advice?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 146
I would think that enough is enough already. Children do not and should not have to take on adult burdens. This is what their father is doing, and it is not fair to them. It is important for them to have stability from both of their parents. If their dad cannot provide that for them right now, you need to. I am not saying that he shouldn't see his kids, but probably not for extended periods of time, as it is apparent that he cannot handle it. Is he in counseling? AA can be great, but it seems that his issues go much deeper than what AA can provide.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
bherenow.....first of all....do you think that he is drinking while he has the kids?
Crying and sobbing and lamenting sorrows sounds suspicious of intoxication......
If it is happening during parenting time, primarily....sounds like the parenting time might be too much for him to handle, like bherenow has suggested.....
dandylion
Crying and sobbing and lamenting sorrows sounds suspicious of intoxication......
If it is happening during parenting time, primarily....sounds like the parenting time might be too much for him to handle, like bherenow has suggested.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
You need to put a stop to this.
My dad would sit and cry and unburden himself onto me, from me being 5
Then, while I worried myself to death for days about things he had said, he would sober up, not give it a second thought probably not even remember while I was in mental and emotional anguish.
I felt it was my responsiblity to make him feel better.
Years later a therapist told me, this is what is known as emotional abuse, and it's very damaging.
You must step in and protect them, like you would if it were physical abuse. Whether he's drunk or not, it's damaging to your babies
My dad would sit and cry and unburden himself onto me, from me being 5
Then, while I worried myself to death for days about things he had said, he would sober up, not give it a second thought probably not even remember while I was in mental and emotional anguish.
I felt it was my responsiblity to make him feel better.
Years later a therapist told me, this is what is known as emotional abuse, and it's very damaging.
You must step in and protect them, like you would if it were physical abuse. Whether he's drunk or not, it's damaging to your babies
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Originally Posted by fripfrop 
You need to put a stop to this.
My dad would sit and cry and unburden himself onto me, from me being 5
Then, while I worried myself to death for days about things he had said, he would sober up, not give it a second thought probably not even remember while I was in mental and emotional anguish.
I felt it was my responsiblity to make him feel better.
Years later a therapist told me, this is what is known as emotional abuse, and it's very damaging.
You must step in and protect them, like you would if it were physical abuse. Whether he's drunk or not, it's damaging to your babies
My dad would sit and cry and unburden himself onto me, from me being 5
Then, while I worried myself to death for days about things he had said, he would sober up, not give it a second thought probably not even remember while I was in mental and emotional anguish.
I felt it was my responsiblity to make him feel better.
Years later a therapist told me, this is what is known as emotional abuse, and it's very damaging.
You must step in and protect them, like you would if it were physical abuse. Whether he's drunk or not, it's damaging to your babies
You are very right to think it is impacting your son's health.
I had an ulcer by age 13 thanks to treatment like this,
and now as an adult, have fear of intimacy and difficulty with emotional engagement
which is no small part due to treatment like this as a child.
No adult was there to stop it, and it never stopped.
Please do whatever you have to to keep your son away from being
an alcoholic's emotional dumping ground--it will have lifelong
consequences.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Bherenow, can you talk with your twins and empower them to know they can walk away from any such conversation their dad tries to start. (Assuming it would be safe for them to do so.) It's a little different because it was phone calls, but from the time DS was about 5-6, he knew he could hang up on his dad (or anyone else) when he called and sounded drunk. Even if AXH kept right on talking, DS would say, "OK. Bye." click.
For his visits with his dad, DS and I safety planned and worked out what he could do if he ever felt scared.
Like Dandylion, my first thought was also that your X might be drinking when he does that. Is the custody/visitation order set up to where your kids could call you and come home if their dad's drinking?
For his visits with his dad, DS and I safety planned and worked out what he could do if he ever felt scared.
Like Dandylion, my first thought was also that your X might be drinking when he does that. Is the custody/visitation order set up to where your kids could call you and come home if their dad's drinking?
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I'd like to add my voice to those who experienced this sort of treatment as a child. It causes permanent scars and damage that will show up in all subsequent relationships until it has been worked thru. Please do what you must to stop your kids from going thru this; stop the damage from being passed on to yet another generation. They are not prepared and do not deserve it.
I am NOT trying to shame you, just making sure that you know this is serious business. Check out the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" section of the forum if you doubt it.
Wishing you clarity to see what you need to do and strength to do it.
I am NOT trying to shame you, just making sure that you know this is serious business. Check out the "Adult Children of Alcoholics" section of the forum if you doubt it.
Wishing you clarity to see what you need to do and strength to do it.
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