Well I quit drinking for 4 days. But don't think it will hold. Plus a few questions.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 157
Well I quit drinking for 4 days. But don't think it will hold. Plus a few questions.
As I've posted before my drinking has escalated of late from weekend binge drinking to just about every day, about 5 days a week. My weapon of choice is a bottle of red wine plus 1 to 4 tallboy beers a night. I noticed however that I was getting more and more anxious the longer I drank. But I didn't want to stop. I wouldn't get much in the way of a hangover but by 1pm the next day I was feeling withdrawal, anxiety, cold hands and feet, etc. Nothing crazy but hard to take. Possibly because I take Prozac I would feel the withdrawl effects sooner than others I'm not sure.
At any rate I decided that I had to go at least a few days sober till I felt better. Today is my 4th day without drinking and I feel pretty good. But I can also feel that I'm not likely to be able to keep it up. I need something to replace it with.
I have a few question for others too regarding withdrawal side effects. After about the 2nd day I noticed that along with the anxiety I had some other worrying side effects. The first was what seems like an inability to keep my eyes focused on things. Like my focus would go in and out or drift, or even my gaze would wander. And second I would feel a strange type of anxiety in my head, like bees buzzing under the surface of my skull, right behind my eyes. This would go away if I shook my head or squeeze my eyes shut tightly for a second, but it would come back. I say it's anxiety because that's what it feels like but it also feels like something is about to "happen" which is an odd explanation. Can anyone relate to any of the above?
Like I said I don't know how come I could be such a ******** idiot as to want to go back to drinking again given I feel better now and had the above negative effects. But damn it if I almost know for sure that I will drink tomorrow, a day off for me. Feel free to get angry at me. :-(
At any rate I decided that I had to go at least a few days sober till I felt better. Today is my 4th day without drinking and I feel pretty good. But I can also feel that I'm not likely to be able to keep it up. I need something to replace it with.
I have a few question for others too regarding withdrawal side effects. After about the 2nd day I noticed that along with the anxiety I had some other worrying side effects. The first was what seems like an inability to keep my eyes focused on things. Like my focus would go in and out or drift, or even my gaze would wander. And second I would feel a strange type of anxiety in my head, like bees buzzing under the surface of my skull, right behind my eyes. This would go away if I shook my head or squeeze my eyes shut tightly for a second, but it would come back. I say it's anxiety because that's what it feels like but it also feels like something is about to "happen" which is an odd explanation. Can anyone relate to any of the above?
Like I said I don't know how come I could be such a ******** idiot as to want to go back to drinking again given I feel better now and had the above negative effects. But damn it if I almost know for sure that I will drink tomorrow, a day off for me. Feel free to get angry at me. :-(
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hi Smilax, it might be a good idea to check with your doctor about detoxing and your symtoms. A DIY be dangerous. There are meds you can take to ease the side effects and make it a lot more comfortable. It's much easier to stay sober if you're not physically miserable.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Hi smilax
if you're just sitting there gritting your teeth and white knuckled then chances are, yeah, you'll drink again.
Thats not me putting a downer on you.
'White knuckling' makes you tired...you have nothing else to turn to when you're tired ...and you drink. I've done it a hundred times myself.
It doesn;t have to be that way tho
The more things you can think of to do to support your desire to be sober, the better chance you have of staying sober.
The more options you have, besides drinking, the greater the chance you won't drink
Thinking of strategies, of ways to find support, and of other options besides drinking is a recovery plan.
There are some great ideas for recovery plans here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
if you're just sitting there gritting your teeth and white knuckled then chances are, yeah, you'll drink again.
Thats not me putting a downer on you.
'White knuckling' makes you tired...you have nothing else to turn to when you're tired ...and you drink. I've done it a hundred times myself.
It doesn;t have to be that way tho
The more things you can think of to do to support your desire to be sober, the better chance you have of staying sober.
The more options you have, besides drinking, the greater the chance you won't drink
Thinking of strategies, of ways to find support, and of other options besides drinking is a recovery plan.
There are some great ideas for recovery plans here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
The longer there is between your last drink and the current moment, the less intense and less frequent the cravings will be. So, you've just been through some of the worst ones. If you choose to take a drink now, it's just like feedings and reinforcing your AV (addictive voice) so when you have finished with your day off of sobriety, then you'll be left with dealing with it from day 1 again. Who'd want that???
Yes. We do need to put something in the place of alcohol. That thing is Recovery. Dee's links on making a recovery plan have helped many, many people. Please have a good old read of them and make a plan.
At the moment you are sitting looking at some fairly unpleasant feelings, and feeling like you need to act on them. To DO something about or with them. One of the biggest things I have learned in recovery is that feelings don't need to be acted on. They can be observed, accepted, and they do just float away when you've stopped staring at them. If we hold onto the feeling. Decide it is ourself. Then those feelings can't just float away.
Please don't drink. Take care of yourself. Read the links and make a plan. And be wary of the HALT triggers (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) as they make us more susceptible to cravings.
Yes. We do need to put something in the place of alcohol. That thing is Recovery. Dee's links on making a recovery plan have helped many, many people. Please have a good old read of them and make a plan.
At the moment you are sitting looking at some fairly unpleasant feelings, and feeling like you need to act on them. To DO something about or with them. One of the biggest things I have learned in recovery is that feelings don't need to be acted on. They can be observed, accepted, and they do just float away when you've stopped staring at them. If we hold onto the feeling. Decide it is ourself. Then those feelings can't just float away.
Please don't drink. Take care of yourself. Read the links and make a plan. And be wary of the HALT triggers (Hunger-Anger-Lonely-Tired ) as they make us more susceptible to cravings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 157
Thank you guys. Thanks for the resources Dee! Trouble is I've never found those kinds of structured plans to be very successful for other things in my life. What I feel I need to do is replace my drinking, and indeed my job right now with some kind of passion. I am very dissatisfied with where I am in life right now I drink because I feel a failure, because I'm a loner and have few friends. The job I do is technically not that difficult and I'm actually fairly good at it, assistant manager at a retail store. But retail is unfulfilling, degrading and far below my hypothetical potential. When I went to school, and into university I was always considered the smart one in the small circles I walked in. I got good grades in even difficult subjects. I had a love for math, psychics and all the sciences and dreamed of getting a job in one of the sciences, or engineering. I also have a love of the arts too however, I am something of a skilled amateur photographer and have thought of trying to go professional though that road is very tough. I don't say this stuff to brag but in an attempt to explain my own personal reasons for drinking. I tried university for years, dropped out over 5 times due to emotional problems despite good grades. Since then I've worked retail jobs off and on for years. Lived with my parents until recently. They continue to financially enable me more than they should. I drink because I feel a failure in life. I know this all must sound like a terrible whiny pity party and indeed it is. But it's not to me personally, factually it might be, but where the emotional rubber meets the road, within myself it's serious despair.
I feel until I take serious steps towards regaining my sense of dignity, until I start working towards one of my passions, that all the recovery plans will fail.
And yet paradoxically I'm somehow too comfortable where I am now to risk taking the steps towards something better. It sounds stupid but the status quo I have now which I guess I could sum up as melancholic resignation, is somehow sadly comforting. At least it is until maybe I hit some king of rock bottom? All it would take is for me to reach out to my friends, start dating, etc and the loneliness would start to fade. All I need to do is sign up for some courses at a local school pointing me in the right direction. Or put together a portfolio of my photography work and shop it around. But no, too scared to actually get better, might as well drink to forget it seems.
Get busy living or get busy dying, to quote Shawshank. I seem hopelessly stuck in the middle.
I feel until I take serious steps towards regaining my sense of dignity, until I start working towards one of my passions, that all the recovery plans will fail.
And yet paradoxically I'm somehow too comfortable where I am now to risk taking the steps towards something better. It sounds stupid but the status quo I have now which I guess I could sum up as melancholic resignation, is somehow sadly comforting. At least it is until maybe I hit some king of rock bottom? All it would take is for me to reach out to my friends, start dating, etc and the loneliness would start to fade. All I need to do is sign up for some courses at a local school pointing me in the right direction. Or put together a portfolio of my photography work and shop it around. But no, too scared to actually get better, might as well drink to forget it seems.
Get busy living or get busy dying, to quote Shawshank. I seem hopelessly stuck in the middle.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
Thanks for the resources Dee! Trouble is I've never found those kinds of structured plans to be very successful for other things in my life.
Replacing your addiction is a pretty obvious way to go but if you find yourself not able to continue your replacement therapy for any reason - like if you turn to exercise and pull a muscle - you'll be in real trouble.
A recovery plan is about options - things you can do when you're triggered that aren't drinking
D
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Everyone has a choice to make like you quoted get busy living or get busy dying
Here's the brutal truth, your addicted it might feel like your in the middle now but trust me it's a slippery slope a downward spiral
The only way to stop this is to stop drinking no ifs no buts just a realisation that you don't want to live like this no more
It's up to you but I darn well know that when I was active in my alcoholism my life was in pieces it wasn't a life and I felt like death warmed up every day
That's not a way to live and now just entering my 3rd year sober I am so grateful I done what it took to stay sober it wernt pretty & some days were straight outta hell but you know what things got better
Trust me on that
Here's the brutal truth, your addicted it might feel like your in the middle now but trust me it's a slippery slope a downward spiral
The only way to stop this is to stop drinking no ifs no buts just a realisation that you don't want to live like this no more
It's up to you but I darn well know that when I was active in my alcoholism my life was in pieces it wasn't a life and I felt like death warmed up every day
That's not a way to live and now just entering my 3rd year sober I am so grateful I done what it took to stay sober it wernt pretty & some days were straight outta hell but you know what things got better
Trust me on that
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,057
Originally Posted by Smilax 
I feel until I take serious steps towards regaining my sense of dignity, until I start working towards one of my passions, that all the recovery plans will fail.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Coldfusion
I think until you take serious steps towards recovery, you will not find your passion or sense of dignity.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Smilax
I feel until I take serious steps towards regaining my sense of dignity, until I start working towards one of my passions, that all the recovery plans will fail.
Sadly, you could tread water like this for years. You think you have regrets now? Wait ten more years of drinking, or twenty. I quit when I was 54. Take my advice to heart--quit now. Make sobriety your passion and you will finds lots to feel passionate about.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Smilax
Trouble is I've never found those kinds of structured plans to be very successful for other things in my life.
I'm not an AAer, but I could go to an AA meeting every night of the week, read the Big Book in my spare time, work the 12 steps with a sponsor, and still find more success in other areas of my life than if I was drinking 5 nights a week.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 123
Originally Posted by Smilax
As I've posted before my drinking has escalated of late from weekend binge drinking to just about every day, about 5 days a week. My weapon of choice is a bottle of red wine plus 1 to 4 tallboy beers a night. I noticed however that I was getting more and more anxious the longer I drank. But I didn't want to stop. I wouldn't get much in the way of a hangover but by 1pm the next day I was feeling withdrawal, anxiety, cold hands and feet, etc. Nothing crazy but hard to take. Possibly because I take Prozac I would feel the withdrawl effects sooner than others I'm not sure.
At any rate I decided that I had to go at least a few days sober till I felt better. Today is my 4th day without drinking and I feel pretty good. But I can also feel that I'm not likely to be able to keep it up. I need something to replace it with.
I have a few question for others too regarding withdrawal side effects. After about the 2nd day I noticed that along with the anxiety I had some other worrying side effects. The first was what seems like an inability to keep my eyes focused on things. Like my focus would go in and out or drift, or even my gaze would wander. And second I would feel a strange type of anxiety in my head, like bees buzzing under the surface of my skull, right behind my eyes. This would go away if I shook my head or squeeze my eyes shut tightly for a second, but it would come back. I say it's anxiety because that's what it feels like but it also feels like something is about to "happen" which is an odd explanation. Can anyone relate to any of the above?
Like I said I don't know how come I could be such a ******** idiot as to want to go back to drinking again given I feel better now and had the above negative effects. But damn it if I almost know for sure that I will drink tomorrow, a day off for me. Feel free to get angry at me. :-(
At any rate I decided that I had to go at least a few days sober till I felt better. Today is my 4th day without drinking and I feel pretty good. But I can also feel that I'm not likely to be able to keep it up. I need something to replace it with.
I have a few question for others too regarding withdrawal side effects. After about the 2nd day I noticed that along with the anxiety I had some other worrying side effects. The first was what seems like an inability to keep my eyes focused on things. Like my focus would go in and out or drift, or even my gaze would wander. And second I would feel a strange type of anxiety in my head, like bees buzzing under the surface of my skull, right behind my eyes. This would go away if I shook my head or squeeze my eyes shut tightly for a second, but it would come back. I say it's anxiety because that's what it feels like but it also feels like something is about to "happen" which is an odd explanation. Can anyone relate to any of the above?
Like I said I don't know how come I could be such a ******** idiot as to want to go back to drinking again given I feel better now and had the above negative effects. But damn it if I almost know for sure that I will drink tomorrow, a day off for me. Feel free to get angry at me. :-(
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I think that if you start by not drinking, you will begin to feel more positive about yourself. That, in turn, will give you the encouragement you need to move into a more fulfilling job and work towards the life you dream of. I think there are two parts to the process and the first one is stopping drinking. The second part is to do things on a daily basis that support your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,413
Yes, the plan is working towards the dream, or should be.
I don't like "constriction" either, but a plan gives me simply
a quick answer to "I wanna drink now, what can I do right now instead"
and it helps you become aware of your drinking / craving patterns.
Quit for a month--you already have 4 days, and honestly reassess where you are.
Believe me, you won't find your potential at the bottom of a bottle or can.
I wish I'd realized that twenty-five years ago, but even at 50, I am getting
a great deal done towards my dreams of creativity and financial freedom
now that I'm sober.
You can do it if you are ready to really go all in
I don't like "constriction" either, but a plan gives me simply
a quick answer to "I wanna drink now, what can I do right now instead"
and it helps you become aware of your drinking / craving patterns.
Quit for a month--you already have 4 days, and honestly reassess where you are.
Believe me, you won't find your potential at the bottom of a bottle or can.
I wish I'd realized that twenty-five years ago, but even at 50, I am getting
a great deal done towards my dreams of creativity and financial freedom
now that I'm sober.
You can do it if you are ready to really go all in
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