leighbond

So mad at myself. Had a relapse just four days shy of the two month mark. I don't even know why I did. It was just one night but I drank a whole fifth by myself and a beer somehow. I CAN't go back, i'm terrified I might of reopened that door again. I need to try to stay positive though.

tomsteve

im glad you were able to make it back.
were you living any recovery program or plan for staying sober?

soberclover

If you are able to identify the "why", it might help you form a strategy to avoid a possible trigger in the future. My relapse was due to thinking I was normal again and that I could drink like other people because I had gone 13 years being clean and sober. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and my relapse was pure hell.

Winslow

Something that I never heard anyone talk about are how it seems like it's harder to stay sober on certain days,I'm not necessarily referring to PAWS but I've been at this for years and I think that the brain repairs itself in certain jumps,itwas always hard for me to stay quit days 4,10,17,28,the 40's were awful and right about where you drank,right before day 60 i failed twice,some may say I self sabotaged or had it in my head already that I'd drink but that's not the case cuz I wasn't even counting days,I've kept little calendars and took note of the relapses and what days they were around and now I just know to hold on tight and brace myself, just get through

KiKi0615

I'm so glad you're back! You can do this!!!

AnvilheadII

reflect on what happened BEFORE that fifth magically appeared in front of you......you obviously have a desire to be sober, and you did really well to get back here to SR ASAP......but now you can see there is a big gap in your sobriety force field, now is the time to figure out what that is and reinforce your protection!

stay with us. stay sober!

Delilah1

I'm glad you came right back instead of continuing to drink. Someone already asked, but do you have a recovery plan in place?

Zebra1275

So what are you going to do to prevent this from happening again?

Determined1977

Welcome back...Glad you made it back..Maybe this time try a different plan...as long as you don't give up..it's just a slip...you can make it your last one..I'm rooting for you

Mac1

Hopefully you'll have learnt something about your recovery and how fragile it can be. Definitely get yourself a recovery plan so that if, or more likely when the next bout of cravings hit you are better prepared. This post is well worth checking out: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Also have belief in yourself that you can do this. You've already managed quite a long stretch sober. I relapsed at 3 months and initially thought it was the end of the world. It wasn't – if anything it made me realise there was no way in hell I was going back to that life.

All the best

keeppushing

Wow, thanks! I put in reminders to plan for assaults on those days.

KP

Dave42001

Keep trying! It took me a couple years to finally get, "it".. Sharing about it here says a lot too! Wishing you the best!! You can do this!

Mountainmanbob

Sometimes for the fortunate ones a relapse proves to us that we need to be more serious in the protecting of our sobriety. Time to step it up a notch. Questions -- was there something that I wasn't doing? Was I doing or thinking about something that I should not have?

Mountainman

leighbond

Yeah it was for a week, I couldn't stop, then the last week every four days I've been relapsing. Last night I straight up lost my debit and credit cards drinking. Which is insane. Like I don't even remember it. I'm HOPING I can use that as motivation because I can't drink, I have no control around it. It's literally impossible to stop until I'm blacked out on the couch. For whatever reason it was easier for the two months I made it before this. BUT I'm not giving up on sobriety but it's super frustrating and I need help. I'm gong to make a big effort to stay on here because the lest time I quit I did and it helped a lot. Because I can't do it by myself.

leighbond

recovery plan is a great idea I'm going to do that today.

leighbond

In the back of my head I always know the next time I drink is going to be the worst time I ever drank. At this point I don't want to top myself. I lost my girlfriend, my phone, my credit card, my debit card. What's next? I can't do this again I'm literally in tears right now. Last night has to be the last time I ever mess up. Everyone is fed up with me

CountryChick

I know exactly how you feel! I've done the same thing so many times. And each time will get worse and worse! I'm back to Day 1 again, but I'm not giving up! Just try to take it one day at a time! Your not alone, don't give up!

STGHealthyWoman

You have to find the commitment again. I agree with everyone else. Figure out what triggered you to pick up a bottle a week ago and keep that from happening again. I am only on day two again after a binge. I only had about 3 weeks under my belt before I slipped. Longest times I've been sober over the past 30 years is 6 months in 2013 and 12 months consecutive during each of my two pregnancies.

How I got my commitment back this time. I have friends on SR who helped me see that it is worth it to keeping trying. Even though I tried and failed a few times, now I keep getting back up and doing it all over again. One of these days it is going stick for good and I'll be in recovery.

Best wishes, STG

leighbond

That was the LAST time, ever for me. Let's do this! day one buddies lol

doggonecarl

What's next? You sound pretty beat down. Maybe time to surrender. Reach out for support. Are you open to AA?