Scared of losing family!!!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Scared of losing family!!!!!
I have been married for 10 years and love my wife dearly. I have been a drinker for the last 25 years. I've had briefs stints of sobriety that my wife has helped me get thru. I always went back. I think I went back because of self esteem issues and severe anger issues. All the while my wife has stayed right by my side. Over the last two years she has been telling me that I need to change. At times via nasty arguments. the problem is is I never took her seriously. Until this last weekend. Something clicked and I suddenly realized she is just about finished. All the warning signs she has been giving me and I just get it. I was literally rolling on the floor bawling thinking I had just thrown it all away. I can't imagine life without my wife and two girls. All these years I took her for granted and treated her like **** and now I am basically throwing myself at her feet. I am on day 5 and really have no desire to drink. I know that's because I'm trying to do everything I can to keep her. I've been going to meetings every night and those help. I made a therapist appt and have gone to church. All things new in hopes of not losing her. We are still under the same roof and I'm not sure how to really act. Try to love her or just give her her space. I can't lose her. NEVER THOUGHT THAT WAS POSSIBLE. Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated. TY
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sounds like quite the wake up call!??
absolutely do not drink, at all, ever. no short term STINTS at sobriety, this time it is ALL OUT......drinking is not an option. do whatever it takes to STAY QUIT.
take a cruise down to the F&F forums to see what it is like from the other side....from loved ones who stayed and stayed and hoped and hoped only to be left with a drunk spouse......again. sometimes it's 6 months, 6 years, 31 years.
right now is your opportunity. seize it and never let go.
absolutely do not drink, at all, ever. no short term STINTS at sobriety, this time it is ALL OUT......drinking is not an option. do whatever it takes to STAY QUIT.
take a cruise down to the F&F forums to see what it is like from the other side....from loved ones who stayed and stayed and hoped and hoped only to be left with a drunk spouse......again. sometimes it's 6 months, 6 years, 31 years.
right now is your opportunity. seize it and never let go.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Just give her some space xo
This has happened to me before with men- I tell them something until I'm blue in the face and they don't listen until it's too late.
Then they start begging and it makes me dislike them a lot.
Show her instead of telling her you're going to change.
Man up and act instead of talking xoxo
This has happened to me before with men- I tell them something until I'm blue in the face and they don't listen until it's too late.
Then they start begging and it makes me dislike them a lot.
Show her instead of telling her you're going to change.
Man up and act instead of talking xoxo
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Thank you so much for your reply. I was hanging on to a reply and yours made so much sense. I WILL NOT EVER DRINK AGAIN!!!!!! I will do whatever it takes to not drink in hopes of two things: 1. Keeping my wife 2. Keeping my dignity What's left of it. Thank you so much.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Jsb. That is exactly what I'm trying to do. I know groveling will only drive her away. I just asked her if we could go to dinner when I get home from work and she said " sure ". I have to just act normal and try to have fun instead of begging her to take me back. Thanks for the advice.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
Originally Posted by MB8 
Jsb. That is exactly what I'm trying to do. I know groveling will only drive her away. I just asked her if we could go to dinner when I get home from work and she said " sure ". I have to just act normal and try to have fun instead of begging her to take me back. Thanks for the advice.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Ny
Posts: 739
Hi MB8,
Glad you're here. I am actually just starting here again after being sober then drinking for a week. My husband has always stood by my side and supported me getting sober. Unfortunately I have picked up again since I first got sober 11 years ago. He doesn't know that I was drinking this past week And I stopped and came back posting here.
I know they say you can't do this for someone else it has to be for yourself, but I have had good periods of sobriety because I don't want to loose my family..end of story, that's what it comes down to. I love them and don't want left without my husband and kids.
I would beg and plead and tell him I won't drink anymore and he would say.."don't tell me your sorry, show me you're sorry and change your behavior. We want you to get well".
Now,
I've is so much better when I don't drink. Without a doubt I know that I cannot drink because I cannot stop. There are so many beautiful things when you can hAve a sober life with your family.
It is worth it....you will be so much happier. I cannot promise you there will not be problems. We have had health problems and huge business and financial issues BUT none of those were a result of my drinking. I was able to be present and not part of the problem...
Hope this was a bit helpful......sobriety is worth the work!!!
Glad you're here. I am actually just starting here again after being sober then drinking for a week. My husband has always stood by my side and supported me getting sober. Unfortunately I have picked up again since I first got sober 11 years ago. He doesn't know that I was drinking this past week And I stopped and came back posting here.
I know they say you can't do this for someone else it has to be for yourself, but I have had good periods of sobriety because I don't want to loose my family..end of story, that's what it comes down to. I love them and don't want left without my husband and kids.
I would beg and plead and tell him I won't drink anymore and he would say.."don't tell me your sorry, show me you're sorry and change your behavior. We want you to get well".
Now,
I've is so much better when I don't drink. Without a doubt I know that I cannot drink because I cannot stop. There are so many beautiful things when you can hAve a sober life with your family.
It is worth it....you will be so much happier. I cannot promise you there will not be problems. We have had health problems and huge business and financial issues BUT none of those were a result of my drinking. I was able to be present and not part of the problem...
Hope this was a bit helpful......sobriety is worth the work!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Love hoops. Thanks so much for the reply. I agree that I must do this for myself first. But this time I am really doing this so I don't lose my family. I really do enjoy life more when I'm sober. Why the hell do I keep going back. I used to be the life of the party when I drink. Now I would just hang out by myself so I didn't have to let anyone no how drunk I was. INSANITY- we all no the definition. I am going to show her that I can be a good husband and a sober one. And I will talk to the therapist about anger problems. Hopefully that helps. Thanks again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 197
Love hoops. Thanks so much for the reply. I agree that I must do this for myself first. But this time I am really doing this so I don't lose my family. I really do enjoy life more when I'm sober. Why the hell do I keep going back. I used to be the life of the party when I drink. Now I would just hang out by myself so I didn't have to let anyone no how drunk I was. INSANITY- we all no the definition. I am going to show her that I can be a good husband and a sober one. And I will talk to the therapist about anger problems. Hopefully that helps. Thanks again
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
Originally Posted by Jsbodhi
Show her instead of telling her you're going to change.
Man up and act instead of talking xoxo
Man up and act instead of talking xoxo
I'm a visitor from the Friends and Family.
If you need to talk about how much you mean it this time and how you are never, ever going to drink again, come here and post.
I actually left my qualifier less because he got into crystal meth than because of his promises that reeked of broken. He didn't have any kind of plan, wasn't seeking any kind of support, no counseling just himself and his own arrogance (I shouldn't be throwing stones here I was pretty arrogant back then too . . .hmm . . and still struggle with this)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Are you coming up with ideas for a plan?
This place changed my life by giving me new ideas and educating me about sobriety and most importantly the difference between that and just not drinking.
You can be the person you WANT to be!!!
We are here to support you.
This place changed my life by giving me new ideas and educating me about sobriety and most importantly the difference between that and just not drinking.
You can be the person you WANT to be!!!
We are here to support you.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Absolutely no grovelling. Stay sober no matter what, do what you have to do and give your wife the chance to see the changes. You will need to be patient and I know this from my experience. I so desperately wanted to talk to my family, but by that time no one wanted to listen. You can do this!
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