Darwinia

Making progress in recovery has so much to offer yet it is not devoid of pitfalls.

Whilst being a drunk I tolerated unacceptable behaviour from others almost without question as I was so greatful that they tolerated my drunkenness.

Now that I am sober I feel less tolerant and I believe that that is a flaw I have to work on. I have a good friend who is notoriously unreliable. In my drinking career, and despite being a drunk for 20 years, I prided myself on my reliability and punctuality. I operated as a functioning alcoholic. When people were late for appointments it irritated me but I coped by just having another drink or three.

Now I find unpunctuality and unreliabilty painful and infuriating.

I know I have to work on this. This journey is mine.

ScottFromWI

I hear you Darwinia. Our default response to anything in life we didn't like was to just drink and ignore/hide/run away.

In order to survive this journey, we have to learn to forgive not only ourselves for our flaws, but also others. Because we all have them, right? And we can't fix them all. I found out that I can be a very controlling person at times, and sometimes just on very simple things - like making a plan for the day or being a real bear on little tasks that need to be done around the house, that sort of thing. Mindfulness has been helping me a lot as well. I also try to stop for a minute and think of the possible outcomes of my actions. Would it really be the worst thing in the world if I didn't get the kids in bed exactly when their bedtime is? Or will the world end if I don't get the lawn mowed for one more day? Most likely not ;-)

JD

I know exactly how you're feeling. I'm going through some of the same things right now. We've ignored dealing with those feelings for years and it will probably take a little while to learn how to cope.

tomsteve

I have to accept people, places, and things as they are but don't have to allow unacceptable people,places, and things in my life.

Mountainmanbob

Thanks for reminding me for I also have issues with this matter.

Still thinking at times here that it's suppose to be a perfect world,
with perfect people in it.

Maybe it's time for me to take another look into the mirror?

MB

Soberpotamus

Yep, it's an issue. I'd call it 'intolerance' for me though. Or like Scott said, the desire to control things. I guess it goes hand in hand.

It's good that after getting sober we no longer tolerate circumstances and people we shouldn't tolerate, but as for those things we must tolerate, it can be rather painful and frustrating until we learn good coping skills.

I have to really watch myself and develop awareness of whether I need to loosen my grip on things or rein things in. Just depends on the situation.

Today, I found myself saying: Ok, now who would I be this moment without those worrisome thoughts, without that drive to control outcomes. I can make choices and decisions but I can't always control outcomes ... and thankfully, as it turns out, I'm a much more relaxed and nicer person when I let go of trying to control!

Darwinia

Thanks guys for the input. I feel judgemental and I can't stand judgemental people Seriously, I do not want to become another version of myself that once again I do not like. On the other hand, all my life, even before I started drinking I had this thing about punctuality.

hpdw

Great post Darwinia ,

Yes perfectionism , even when half cut I would notice things that needed sorted or organised or adjusted ,typical Type A personality trait .
I also am working on letting go of these old outdated ways of thinking .

Thanks