babykittens

I am only very new in my recovery, however have learned the likelihood and drawbacks that can come along with being in a relationship with a follow ACOA. His AA mom is in recovery and has been sober for yrs, although his childhood has some aspects of severity that mine does not. My Mom is still drinking.
I've just taught him what ACOA is about, however he has a long way to go as we all do. Many of his ACOA traits are very raw and predominant.
Given my delicate and new state of recovery, might this be a poor decision? Any thoughts/advice/feedback is appreciated. Thank you!

tromboneliness

Tough to say! My wife is an A and an ACOA, and at the time we got together (20+ years ago), she was still drinking heavily and was very ill (although I didn't realize it at the time). We've been through a lot, sometimes it's better than others, and I'm not sure some of the reasons we stay together are entirely healthy (we're both terrified of abandonment)... but there you have it.

My "advice" (in quotes because I'm in no position to really give advice) is to also go to Al-Anon, and absorb what that program teaches -- mostly, that you can't change people, so you have to accept them! That's extremely hard to do and requires a lifetime of commitment and regular "recharge" at meetings, with literature, and whatever else it takes -- a good sponsor is invaluable.

Good luck!

T

DesertEyes

The general suggestion from all the different recovery programs is that early recovery is extremely stressful all by itself. Adding any kind of additional stress is strongly discouraged, which is part of the whole "self care" concept.

One slogan on this subject is "no major changes" for the first year. Just what exactly is a "major change" that will cause huge stress is something only you can answer.

When it comes to relationships you get into the issue of "dysfunction". It doesn't matter _what_ the cause of dysfunction is, what matters is their _behavior_ and how it impacts you.

You may want to browse around the other family forums "next door". A lot of the "addict" partners being dealt with are just as dysfunctional as an ACoA without recovery. An al-anon slogan I have heard that may apply is "Take the alcohol away from the alcoholic and what you have is an ACoA who desperately needs a drink"

Mike