Still here, still not drinking but
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Still here, still not drinking but
Feeling very surreal. I am kind of in a panic attack. I feel like I just woke up from a long, very bad dream. Over the past several weeks I have experienced a myriad of emotions, extreme happiness, sadness, regret, rage, but this week has been different. It is kind of hard to explain. Except that I am starting to see things a lot more clearly than I used to and I am feeling bad about myself. When I was UTI I often thought the worst of people and treated them accordingly. I really withdrew. Now that I am sticking my head out of the rabbit hole I see that I have not treated people as well as I should have and it is a very uncomfortable feeling. I am ashamed.
In a nutshell I guess I have been unfair, cowardly, arrogant, presumptive, angry and bitter, to name a few. It is a little overwhelming and I feel like crying.
It’s as if all my nerves are on the outside of my body and it hurts.
Plus I am having a heck of a time concentrating and have made some stupid mistakes at work this week and I kind of feel like I am losing my mind. I think I am getting hives because my skin is bright red today and I have these weird aches and pains. I am well past the point that I should be having immediate withdrawal symptoms but of course there is always long term withdrawal too.
I am just not liking myself at all today. Of course I knew that so far it had been way too easy, I suppose now is when the real work begins. I am not sure whether I want to crawl back into my hole or crawl out of it and face the harsh light of day.
In a nutshell I guess I have been unfair, cowardly, arrogant, presumptive, angry and bitter, to name a few. It is a little overwhelming and I feel like crying.
It’s as if all my nerves are on the outside of my body and it hurts.
Plus I am having a heck of a time concentrating and have made some stupid mistakes at work this week and I kind of feel like I am losing my mind. I think I am getting hives because my skin is bright red today and I have these weird aches and pains. I am well past the point that I should be having immediate withdrawal symptoms but of course there is always long term withdrawal too.
I am just not liking myself at all today. Of course I knew that so far it had been way too easy, I suppose now is when the real work begins. I am not sure whether I want to crawl back into my hole or crawl out of it and face the harsh light of day.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Originally Posted by Daisyforever 
. Of course I knew that so far it had been way too easy, I suppose now is when the real work begins. I am not sure whether I want to crawl back into my hole or crawl out of it and face the harsh light of day.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I also had a lot of shame when I sobered up. On top of it all I had a very disappointed wife and neighbors and yet another judge to be visiting. Woke up in terror most every night for several weeks.
Sounds terrible but, make the best out of your bottom and make a firm decision that you will no longer run with the liquid devil.
I didn't trust myself for a very long time and still keep a very close eye on the one who looks back at me in the mirror. Yes, that is the one who has deceived me the most.
The good news -- it gets better if you don't drink.
Mountainman
Sounds terrible but, make the best out of your bottom and make a firm decision that you will no longer run with the liquid devil.
I didn't trust myself for a very long time and still keep a very close eye on the one who looks back at me in the mirror. Yes, that is the one who has deceived me the most.
The good news -- it gets better if you don't drink.
Mountainman
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
These are classic symptoms created by the mind to keep you focused on the body and away from painful emotions . You are facing life without alcohol now and as you said things are becoming clearer good and not so good . It will pass if you don't pay attention to the symptoms . Try and distract yourself with some activity .
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
yes, as clarity increases, we see ourselves in a different light.
when i really started to see how i'd acted, and that in fact it hadn't always been others' fault, i needed a way to clear that up. for me and for them.
for myself, AA has the program which had a method that worked well for me to address what i'd done in the past and to minimze repeats.
there are ways other than AA to deal with stuff in your past, of course.
what i'm saying is: it's doable. no need to crawl back in.
if you read here lots, you'll see the ways people handle shame, regret and past bad actions/behaviours. and you can get an idea of how the various ways pan out.
you can do this!
when i really started to see how i'd acted, and that in fact it hadn't always been others' fault, i needed a way to clear that up. for me and for them.
for myself, AA has the program which had a method that worked well for me to address what i'd done in the past and to minimze repeats.
there are ways other than AA to deal with stuff in your past, of course.
what i'm saying is: it's doable. no need to crawl back in.
if you read here lots, you'll see the ways people handle shame, regret and past bad actions/behaviours. and you can get an idea of how the various ways pan out.
you can do this!
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Be gentle with yourself. It's very distasteful, but there is nothing to be done about the past but accepting it - we just can't change it no matter how much we fret. We can try to make right the bad things that happened if it is ever possible. For me, the best I could do was to give myself a fresh start. A solemn covenant to never go back into that hole, and to live by the rules I always knew.
It is hard, but you can see the light. Keep moving forward, don't give up. You are a good person, and you know what to do. Do it, and then move on. The good life, the one you deserve, is waiting for you.
It is hard, but you can see the light. Keep moving forward, don't give up. You are a good person, and you know what to do. Do it, and then move on. The good life, the one you deserve, is waiting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by freshstart57
Be gentle with yourself. It's very distasteful, but there is nothing to be done about the past but accepting it - we just can't change it no matter how much we fret. We can try to make right the bad things that happened if it is ever possible. For me, the best I could do was to give myself a fresh start. A solemn covenant to never go back into that hole, and to live by the rules I always knew.
It is hard, but you can see the light. Keep moving forward, don't give up. You are a good person, and you know what to do. Do it, and then move on. The good life, the one you deserve, is waiting for you.
It is hard, but you can see the light. Keep moving forward, don't give up. You are a good person, and you know what to do. Do it, and then move on. The good life, the one you deserve, is waiting for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by fini
yes, as clarity increases, we see ourselves in a different light.
when i really started to see how i'd acted, and that in fact it hadn't always been others' fault, i needed a way to clear that up. for me and for them.
for myself, AA has the program which had a method that worked well for me to address what i'd done in the past and to minimze repeats.
there are ways other than AA to deal with stuff in your past, of course.
what i'm saying is: it's doable. no need to crawl back in.
if you read here lots, you'll see the ways people handle shame, regret and past bad actions/behaviours. and you can get an idea of how the various ways pan out.
you can do this!
when i really started to see how i'd acted, and that in fact it hadn't always been others' fault, i needed a way to clear that up. for me and for them.
for myself, AA has the program which had a method that worked well for me to address what i'd done in the past and to minimze repeats.
there are ways other than AA to deal with stuff in your past, of course.
what i'm saying is: it's doable. no need to crawl back in.
if you read here lots, you'll see the ways people handle shame, regret and past bad actions/behaviours. and you can get an idea of how the various ways pan out.
you can do this!
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Like fini, I also benefited from the AA approach to dealing with my past. It helped me enormously, and it's available to anyone. There are many in AA who have had to shine a light on their past behavior. AA folks have a wealth of experience with this issue and with providing support. I hope you take advantage of it.
All the best to you.
All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by Thomas59
These are classic symptoms created by the mind to keep you focused on the body and away from painful emotions . You are facing life without alcohol now and as you said things are becoming clearer good and not so good . It will pass if you don't pay attention to the symptoms . Try and distract yourself with some activity .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by awuh1
Like fini, I also benefited from the AA approach to dealing with my past. It helped me enormously, and it's available to anyone. There are many in AA who have had to shine a light on their past behavior. AA folks have a wealth of experience with this issue and with providing support. I hope you take advantage of it.
All the best to you.
All the best to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by Mountainmanbob
I also had a lot of shame when I sobered up. On top of it all I had a very disappointed wife and neighbors and yet another judge to be visiting. Woke up in terror most every night for several weeks.
Sounds terrible but, make the best out of your bottom and make a firm decision that you will no longer run with the liquid devil.
I didn't trust myself for a very long time and still keep a very close eye on the one who looks back at me in the mirror. Yes, that is the one who has deceived me the most.
The good news -- it gets better if you don't drink.
Mountainman
Sounds terrible but, make the best out of your bottom and make a firm decision that you will no longer run with the liquid devil.
I didn't trust myself for a very long time and still keep a very close eye on the one who looks back at me in the mirror. Yes, that is the one who has deceived me the most.
The good news -- it gets better if you don't drink.
Mountainman
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 319
Originally Posted by Anna
Oh yes, this is the really tough time and I sure do remember those feelings. It's really hard to shine a light on yourself and see things as they really are. Some of my beliefs were turned upside down. You're doing great. It seems that the time is right for you to face some of these issues and begin to deal with them. This is a gift, for you will become so much closer to the real you.
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