Am I an alcoholic?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3
Am I an alcoholic?
I get very drunk 2/3 nights per week. Often I am so sick the next day I can't even get out of bed. I drink at home with my husband and don't drink drive or get into any trouble with the law. I am not physically addicted but I have been trying to stop this pattern for years and have been unable to.
I went to AA meetings but felt I didn't belong because no one had a similar story to mine. They all drank at least every night. When I go to meetings I don't drink but I keep stopping the meetings because I feel like a ring in, like someone taking advantage of the kindness of all the lovely people at aa when I don't have anywhere near as bad s problem as they had.
I almost wish I could be defined as alcoholic because that would make me get help.
Thanks for reading!
Catty
I went to AA meetings but felt I didn't belong because no one had a similar story to mine. They all drank at least every night. When I go to meetings I don't drink but I keep stopping the meetings because I feel like a ring in, like someone taking advantage of the kindness of all the lovely people at aa when I don't have anywhere near as bad s problem as they had.
I almost wish I could be defined as alcoholic because that would make me get help.
Thanks for reading!
Catty
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,064
Whether or not you are an alcoholic, you have a desire to stop drinking and that is the only requirement for AA membership. I think you should keep going to meetings, find a sponsor, and work the steps.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
There are lots of drinkers that use their addiction to alcohol as a reason to drink as opposed to a justification for quitting. So, you see, this alcoholism status is neither here nor there.
I think when you think about it carefully, the fact that you are unable to stop your pattern of drinking contains the answer to your question.
So, I suggest you ignore your first question because it isn't going to lead you to action. You have choices here - you can continue to drink, and this means you will drink more often and a larger quantity. It is inevitable.
Or you can change this course, and make a decision about continuing to use alcohol. Label or no label.
Maybe ask yourself a different question. Will I be better off without alcohol in my life? This is all up to you.
I think when you think about it carefully, the fact that you are unable to stop your pattern of drinking contains the answer to your question.
So, I suggest you ignore your first question because it isn't going to lead you to action. You have choices here - you can continue to drink, and this means you will drink more often and a larger quantity. It is inevitable.
Or you can change this course, and make a decision about continuing to use alcohol. Label or no label.
Maybe ask yourself a different question. Will I be better off without alcohol in my life? This is all up to you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
I usually didn't drink hungover. So I drank 2 to 4 times a week for years. Getting drunk a few times a week is a problem for me. You can stop your pattern of drinking? You can't stop at just a few but get very drunk almost every time? Try to drink without getting drunk, if you can't them you have a drinking problem...ie alcoholic problem.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
I've been sober in AA for 3+ years now and didn't drink every night. I was a "weekend warrior," if you will, though toward the end of my drinking my weekends began to expand to include Thursday, and sometimes Sunday. Mostly I drank 2-3 nights a week. Here are a few things that stuck out to me personally when I was wrestling with the same question:
-Even though I didn't drink every day, nearly every time I drank I could not stop drinking once I started. My body would physically crave more and more as soon as I started. I couldn't stop until I drank myself into a black hole. Only once in a blue moon did I have just one, and when I did have just one, I'd have preferred to be completely obliterated.
-When I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about drinking. Honestly, I thought about drinking every day. Things like, "Did I drink too much last weekend? Should I stay sober this weekend? How much should I drink this weekend? Should I start drinking on Thursday, or wait until Friday so I can drink during the day on Sunday? Do I have a drinking problem? Does so-and-so think I have a drinking problem?" So basically, even though I didn't drink every day, "drinking" was consuming basically every day of my life.
-Even though I hadn't "lost" a ton of things, like family, my job, my home, etc., there were a lot of simple things that other people my age had that I couldn't seem to find for myself. I was in a string of unhealthy relationships, I was unhappy with my job, I wanted to go back to school but couldn't pull it together, I dreamt of traveling but could never save or motivate myself to do so, etc. At 29 I thought I'd be married and having my second kid, and there I was hung over and drinking an entire 2 liter of cranberry ginger ale on the couch at like 2pm to get rid of my nausea.
-I learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease. Many of the people I met who did drink every day started drinking 2-3 nights just like me. It seemed that it was only a matter of time until my drinking progressed to an everyday thing.
-Regardless of how often I drank vs. how often other people drank, it's how drinking made us feel that was the most important. I related to a lot of the physical and emotional symptoms others at the meetings would have before, during, and after they drank. High anxiety, loneliness, remorse, etc.
Those are just a few things that come to mind that might help you decide what you'd like to do next. I might add that in my experience rarely do people wind up in an AA meeting by accident. I went to AA a few times five or so years before I stopped drinking and even lurked around these forums before finally giving in.
-Even though I didn't drink every day, nearly every time I drank I could not stop drinking once I started. My body would physically crave more and more as soon as I started. I couldn't stop until I drank myself into a black hole. Only once in a blue moon did I have just one, and when I did have just one, I'd have preferred to be completely obliterated.
-When I wasn't drinking, I was thinking about drinking. Honestly, I thought about drinking every day. Things like, "Did I drink too much last weekend? Should I stay sober this weekend? How much should I drink this weekend? Should I start drinking on Thursday, or wait until Friday so I can drink during the day on Sunday? Do I have a drinking problem? Does so-and-so think I have a drinking problem?" So basically, even though I didn't drink every day, "drinking" was consuming basically every day of my life.
-Even though I hadn't "lost" a ton of things, like family, my job, my home, etc., there were a lot of simple things that other people my age had that I couldn't seem to find for myself. I was in a string of unhealthy relationships, I was unhappy with my job, I wanted to go back to school but couldn't pull it together, I dreamt of traveling but could never save or motivate myself to do so, etc. At 29 I thought I'd be married and having my second kid, and there I was hung over and drinking an entire 2 liter of cranberry ginger ale on the couch at like 2pm to get rid of my nausea.
-I learned that alcoholism is a progressive disease. Many of the people I met who did drink every day started drinking 2-3 nights just like me. It seemed that it was only a matter of time until my drinking progressed to an everyday thing.
-Regardless of how often I drank vs. how often other people drank, it's how drinking made us feel that was the most important. I related to a lot of the physical and emotional symptoms others at the meetings would have before, during, and after they drank. High anxiety, loneliness, remorse, etc.
Those are just a few things that come to mind that might help you decide what you'd like to do next. I might add that in my experience rarely do people wind up in an AA meeting by accident. I went to AA a few times five or so years before I stopped drinking and even lurked around these forums before finally giving in.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
It's not what you drink, or how much, or why, or where, or with whom you drink, it's what happens to you as a result of drinking.
If drinking is causing problems, simple - stop drinking. You say you're not physically addicted yet cannot stop. Sounds like an addiction to me.
I'd say quit drinking for six months and see how you feel then. I'll bet you won't go back to drinking cause you'll discover that living sober really rocks!
If drinking is causing problems, simple - stop drinking. You say you're not physically addicted yet cannot stop. Sounds like an addiction to me.
I'd say quit drinking for six months and see how you feel then. I'll bet you won't go back to drinking cause you'll discover that living sober really rocks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 3
Thanks for all your replies. You are right of course, drinking is ruining my life. It's making me feel sick and tired, embarrass myself by putting stupid things on Facebook or calling people. Lying in bed all day on a Saturday and leaving my husband to deal with the kids and everything else, I am really worried about what it is doing to my health, the list goes on and on.... I am going to go to a meeting tonight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 166
Great! Very healthy decision. Life gets so much easier and more enjoyable when you get sober. Just try to focus on yourself and don't compare yourself to others. When you listen to other people share look for similarities and not differences. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 24
What is your drinking doing to you? That is the big question.
I didn't drink every day. I only drank on weekends. But it was destroying my life. It made me do and say things that caused a lot of problems and I hated myself. And boy do I remember those days after where I too couldn't get out of bed. And those days after where I had no choice but to get out of bed and go to work mere hours after I came home from the bars and stopped drinking. A horrible way to live.
Until I stopped drinking. Stopped the madness. Let go of what I "thought" an alcoholic was. I came here and read, posted, and looked in the mirror. I didn't drink every day but it was only a matter of time. And alcohol was already the cause of ALL my problems. I messed up a few times since coming to this realization but I only further proved the point to myself: I cannot drink.
I didn't drink every day. I only drank on weekends. But it was destroying my life. It made me do and say things that caused a lot of problems and I hated myself. And boy do I remember those days after where I too couldn't get out of bed. And those days after where I had no choice but to get out of bed and go to work mere hours after I came home from the bars and stopped drinking. A horrible way to live.
Until I stopped drinking. Stopped the madness. Let go of what I "thought" an alcoholic was. I came here and read, posted, and looked in the mirror. I didn't drink every day but it was only a matter of time. And alcohol was already the cause of ALL my problems. I messed up a few times since coming to this realization but I only further proved the point to myself: I cannot drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
One of the ways our AVS keep us stuck in the alcoholic cycle we're in (The Vortex, as me and my AA best ie call it ) is by telling us ....
We're not 'as bad as' him, her, or them.
We don't deserve help
We're not a real alcoholic if we don't drink every day
We're not a real alcoholic if we don't drink in the morning
We only drink out of a nice glass
We only drink with others
We don't keep alcohol in the house
We only drink *insert drink of choice*
We only drink because *insert recent challenges here* (I failed. It's Monday. It's raining. I lost. They left me)
We only drink because *insert reasons to be happy here* (I passed. It's Friday. It's sunny. I won. They're here....etc)
The point is, that we always have an excuse. And when we DO drink, all bets are off. Rather than stopping meetings, it's always worth trying different ones. And rather than just taking help at meetings, you can give it as well. Even if just helping to set up and clear up. People at AA aren't helping you just because they're kind. We help each other because that keeps us sober. It is kind, but also selfish. Read step 12 and you'll see what I mean.
Wishing you well for your recovery, should you choose to take up that journey.
We're not 'as bad as' him, her, or them.
We don't deserve help
We're not a real alcoholic if we don't drink every day
We're not a real alcoholic if we don't drink in the morning
We only drink out of a nice glass
We only drink with others
We don't keep alcohol in the house
We only drink *insert drink of choice*
We only drink because *insert recent challenges here* (I failed. It's Monday. It's raining. I lost. They left me)
We only drink because *insert reasons to be happy here* (I passed. It's Friday. It's sunny. I won. They're here....etc)
The point is, that we always have an excuse. And when we DO drink, all bets are off. Rather than stopping meetings, it's always worth trying different ones. And rather than just taking help at meetings, you can give it as well. Even if just helping to set up and clear up. People at AA aren't helping you just because they're kind. We help each other because that keeps us sober. It is kind, but also selfish. Read step 12 and you'll see what I mean.
Wishing you well for your recovery, should you choose to take up that journey.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 138
Hi - AA meetings themselves are full of varied people. Oddly, few of them refer the newcomer to the basic text that formed the successful movement back in the day, which roughly describes the then understanding of the difference between moderate, hard drinkers, and actual alcoholism.
I hear newer science has discovered an actual sliding scale to measure with, but haven't seen it. My experience and observations and information I have gathered says that alcoholism is sneaky, it is progressive despite periods of reprieve, it is fatal, it is present in nearly every case long before it is suspected, and the problem centers in the mind. It is characterized by an inability to swear off forever, and a progressive loss of control over the amount taken once begun to drink. This loss of control, they say, is restricted to the class of alcoholic, and alcoholic only, and never occurs in the average hard drinker.
AAs, repeatedly failing to quit through headlong assault by willpower and life adjustments and doctors and whatnot, found a way to become willing to have their lives and compass redirected, that if taken seriously, expels the overpowering obsession even in the most incorrigible, without ever having to swear off at all.
Here's their simple test:
"We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, Step
over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled
drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may
be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Though there is no way of proving it, we believe
that early in our drinking careers most of us could
have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few
alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is
yet time.
Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real
thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.
Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if
called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to
stop. "
Comes from this chapter and the whole book is on the aa.org website and worth a read if you are curious. Meetings are not required for the so called '12 step approach' and it is but suggestions to help kickstart some serious workable form of do it yourself practical spiritual life anyway. Drinkers like to try all kinds of things.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf
I unknowingly became eerily alcoholic, and i think that book just saved my life.
Other folks here seem to be experimenting with mind control and avoidance and stuff but i dunno bout it...pretty new here too. With progressed alcoholism, there is a complete failure of the defense mechanism that keeps us from putting our hand on a hot stove. The experiment of trying to quit, say for a year, your own way is well worthwhile if you are nervous about it, but be forewarned even when successful we often simply return to drink later on, only to discover the trouble ensues...
I hear newer science has discovered an actual sliding scale to measure with, but haven't seen it. My experience and observations and information I have gathered says that alcoholism is sneaky, it is progressive despite periods of reprieve, it is fatal, it is present in nearly every case long before it is suspected, and the problem centers in the mind. It is characterized by an inability to swear off forever, and a progressive loss of control over the amount taken once begun to drink. This loss of control, they say, is restricted to the class of alcoholic, and alcoholic only, and never occurs in the average hard drinker.
AAs, repeatedly failing to quit through headlong assault by willpower and life adjustments and doctors and whatnot, found a way to become willing to have their lives and compass redirected, that if taken seriously, expels the overpowering obsession even in the most incorrigible, without ever having to swear off at all.
Here's their simple test:
"We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, Step
over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled
drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may
be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Though there is no way of proving it, we believe
that early in our drinking careers most of us could
have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few
alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is
yet time.
Potential female alcoholics often turn into the real
thing and are gone beyond recall in a few years.
Certain drinkers, who would be greatly insulted if
called alcoholics, are astonished at their inability to
stop. "
Comes from this chapter and the whole book is on the aa.org website and worth a read if you are curious. Meetings are not required for the so called '12 step approach' and it is but suggestions to help kickstart some serious workable form of do it yourself practical spiritual life anyway. Drinkers like to try all kinds of things.
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt3.pdf
I unknowingly became eerily alcoholic, and i think that book just saved my life.
Other folks here seem to be experimenting with mind control and avoidance and stuff but i dunno bout it...pretty new here too. With progressed alcoholism, there is a complete failure of the defense mechanism that keeps us from putting our hand on a hot stove. The experiment of trying to quit, say for a year, your own way is well worthwhile if you are nervous about it, but be forewarned even when successful we often simply return to drink later on, only to discover the trouble ensues...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Hi Catty,
My drinking pattern was 2-3 evenings per week (about 7-8 drinks) at a bar. I never drank daily or in the morning. Every single problem in my life was caused by alcohol. I am an alcoholic.
Believing that I'm not "bad enough" to be a "real" alcoholic kept me sick for a very long time.
PM me any time. We seem to have lots in common.
My drinking pattern was 2-3 evenings per week (about 7-8 drinks) at a bar. I never drank daily or in the morning. Every single problem in my life was caused by alcohol. I am an alcoholic.
Believing that I'm not "bad enough" to be a "real" alcoholic kept me sick for a very long time.
PM me any time. We seem to have lots in common.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Catty,
I'm glad to hear you're committing yourself to sobriety.
I never bothered with a label myself. There's always someone whose drinking is worse than yours. There's a bloke in my town who spends the day lying down next to the bus stop with cans of super strength lager. A friend of mine will knock back 3-4 pints of lager during a lunch time business meeting before driving off to pick up his kids from school. He doesn't think he's an alcoholic, because he doesn't drink in the morning. And can take a couple of days off sometimes. And he can point to the bloke by the bus stop and see what a "real" alcoholic looks like. And he's not that bad (yet). I find it too painful for words watching him get worse and worse, but I don't know how to help him if he doesn't think he needs help.
In my case, I decided alcohol was playing too big a part in my life. That's the only reason anyone needs. You don't need to justify being sober to yourself or anyone else.
And quitting around 13 months ago was the best decision I've ever made.
I'm glad to hear you're committing yourself to sobriety.
I never bothered with a label myself. There's always someone whose drinking is worse than yours. There's a bloke in my town who spends the day lying down next to the bus stop with cans of super strength lager. A friend of mine will knock back 3-4 pints of lager during a lunch time business meeting before driving off to pick up his kids from school. He doesn't think he's an alcoholic, because he doesn't drink in the morning. And can take a couple of days off sometimes. And he can point to the bloke by the bus stop and see what a "real" alcoholic looks like. And he's not that bad (yet). I find it too painful for words watching him get worse and worse, but I don't know how to help him if he doesn't think he needs help.
In my case, I decided alcohol was playing too big a part in my life. That's the only reason anyone needs. You don't need to justify being sober to yourself or anyone else.
And quitting around 13 months ago was the best decision I've ever made.
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