alwayscovering

He lied.

I just ordered my how al anon works book. Not sure if it'll be helpful I have to do something.

He's drinking beer apparently I should be glad it isn't vodka.

I said eff it I'll go to al anon and I will work on myself and deal with it until he either gets help or I walk away.

I don't know if I'm strong enough to do this.

Expanding

Just by you being here and going to al anon shows that you are strong enough.

Eauchiche

Dear Covering
Not a lot to say at a time like this, except we're here for you.
Beer or Vodka, unfortunately the results are basically the same.

alwayscovering

He makes me feel stabby.

I will always do whatever I need to for my son.


I keep saying I'm going to let him make up his own mind about treatment but it's easier said than done

SmallButMighty

You ARE strong enough to do this. The strength is just there under your fear and your pain and your anger. Dig deep... I promise you can find the strength. When you realize just how strong you can be your life WILL come back in to control.

Wishing you peace.

*hugs*

atalose

OK, so lets say you somehow con, manipulate and force him into 'treatment", then what?

How does your life look after that 30 days?

alwayscovering

I'm not going to make him. It's just hard to not push him to do it. I know he has to do it on his own. I just keep repeating the "I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it" until I calm down so I don't flip out on him because that accomplishes nothing. I've only been to one Al anon meeting. im just impatient for progress.

mylifeismine

This is a little lengthy, but it is the best explanation I've come
accross so far that illustrated to me in detail the extent
of the issues in recovery from alcoholism. It's huge, & before
I started my recovery seriously, I only saw the tip of the iceberg.

Until I let go of any thing whatsoever to do with AH's drinking,
and focused exclusively on my own recovery, I stayed stuck &
frustrated & angry & depressed. Never going back there again!!

Why is Recovery So Hard?

dandylion

It is said....and, I have discovered this is true--by my own hard knocks---that a person never knows how strong they are until there is NO OTHER OPTION!

It doesn't really show up until the minute you are going to use it....It's not like you are walking around feeling all strong and mighty all day long.....sometimes you are actually shaking in your knees....

dandylion

Bekindalways

As long as you are strong enough to take the next baby step, you are strong enough. Ordering that book counts. Reading a page counts. Scheduling an Alanon meeting counts.

Keep at it and let us know how it goes!

atalose

Going to al-anon is good if you work the program and allow it time so you understand it.

But really, what do your expectations look like regarding him going to treatment? Do you see that as the fix? Do you imagine a wonderful life where addiction will be way way in your rear view mirror and you both can move on with a happy life?

honeypig

I understand that feeling, but this
is the truth of the matter. One of the best things I ever read here was "time takes time." I do not believe we can change ourselves overnight; it takes time for the new information to saturate our being and become part of who we are and how we live. My understanding of Alanon and of recovery in general has changed a great deal since I first came here, and I expect it to continue to change (actually, I hope it does, otherwise I'm not learning or growing, right?) as time goes by. I do myself a disservice when I don't allow myself time to absorb new learning. I am not a machine, where you can adjust the settings and instantly change the output.

If I had a penny for every Alanon meeting I've been to where someone has mentioned that he/she came to Alanon thinking "well, I'll come here for a month or two, maybe 3, and by then I'll have a handle on everything I need to know and can quit wasting my Monday evenings", I would be a rich woman! Needless to say, the people who say that have been around considerably longer than a month or two, or even 3...

I don't know that it's necessary to be an Alanon lifer in order to be happy--I don't plan on it myself, but who knows? I do know that I want to remain committed to whatever will help me live the best life I possibly can, and whether that is Alanon, a church affiliation, SR, a combination of those things or something else I don't even know about yet, I hope to never lose the motivation to keep on working it. I want to be joyous, useful, centered and peaceful.

And that is going to take time and constant attention. And that's OK w/me.

Katchie

The fact that you did the above, decided to work on your self AND you're prepared to walk away if he doesn't get help instead of making excuses for, covering for, denying what is happening proves you ARE strong! However that doesn't mean its easy. I know it may not feel like it but you're doing great! hugs

firebolt

^^ Yep, what Katchie said. It doesn't happen over night, but you keep working on you, getting support for you, and taking care of you - and you will do whatever you need to do for YOU!!

also...

I LOL'ed - and am stealing this. I always wondered what that 'feeling' was called - HAHA!!

cairn

lol that's out in the garage or somewheres

Katchie

It use to be ME that thought things were better if he just drank beer vs the usual crown royal...lol...silly me! And of course, if he was showing off "look, I'm just drinking beer" the crown was most definitely tucked away in one of his million hiding places..again, silly me! I'm soooooo freaking glad that's all over!!

hopeful4

When my X left I literally had a whiskey bottle fall from the rafters in the garage. I also found them buried in the ground out back, in the toolboxes, all sorts of places. I was not looking as I had stopped that behavior, they just came up when I was looking for other things, and the one in the ground when I was digging up the ground for landscaping LOL.

The one from the rafters literally fell right out itself. When I divorced I went through my house to try and make sure I had everything of his out, including all that junk. I still find things of his now and then, but good grief hopefully no more cans or bottles!