gainingstrength

Hi there! I just wanted to reach out and hopefully get some perspective from people currently going through recovery and what the first few months of recovery was like for you in regards to your significant other.

My ex is freshly in recovery for meth, did 30 days in treatment in May and is now working the program. Our relationship has now ended because we both realize we have a lot of growing/healing to do on our own. But I just want some clarity about a past issue to calm my thinking.

When he first got out of treatment, and even when I briefly see him now, he's extremely withdrawn, and has said that sometimes it's difficult to be around me because he feels too much guilt and shame for what he's done to me. Is this typical of someone in recovery or more of a cop out or narcissistic trait?

Thanks for anyone who can provide insight on this topic!

Anna

I felt an enormous amount of shame and guilt when I stopped drinking. I was not narcissistic, nor was it a cop-out.

gainingstrength

Thank you Anna.

I hope I don't offend anyone by including "narcissistic trait." That's not my intention. I don't mean guilt/shame is a narcissistic trait, but more like he just said that to me as a means not to see or deal with me because he just didn't want to,

Anna

Well, I guess that could be the difference. I wanted to deal with things, including my family. I very much wanted to. Or he may simply not be able to face things yet.

IvanMike

What Anna said.

least

I also felt a lot of shame and guilt after I got sober. I didn't want to be around my family cause I was so ashamed of how I had been behaving while drinking. It took me a while to open up to others.

Give him some time and see how it goes.

sugarbear1

Are you considering Al Anon or Naranon so you can heal? It might help you so you don't repeat your patterns of behaving!

gainingstrength

Yes, I've been attending Al Anon, but was just curious if others who are in recovery felt this way.

sugarbear1

Great! I suggest working those steps!!

thomas11

In my personal opinion, this about sums it up because its very true:

Our relationship has now ended because we both realize we have a lot of growing/healing to do on our own.