Kaily

Hit the bottle big this week, nothing new but getting increasingly worse every week! Not spoken to anyone in person since middle of the Thursday, I just crawl in my cave and make sure I have vodka on tap.

Nowsthetime

What happened that made you give yourself permission to pick up?

Do you have a plan? Did your work it?

Have you tried posting here before picking up?

You can do this. Do you ever feel good after drinking? No.

Stay close and use this amazing resource. I know you want this but you have to make it happen. Did you play the tape?

Flawed

You can do this. Pull yourself up, pour it out and pick up the phone and ask for help .

Kaily

Phone to who???

Flawed

Any friends, family, AA support line or local assistance hotline.

Kaily

I don't have any friends or family. Tried AA but it felt like a cult.
Just want to sleep forever now, my life is miserable beyond belief yet I always put on a smile for everyone. I clean for people, listen to their problems try to help, sometimes casually I say I am a bit down..they have no idea!

MIRecovery

Unfortunately things only get worse until we make the decision to choose sobriety. When we make that choice of sobriety there is an unbelievable amount of help and support here and in other places.

Berrybean

My AV told me AA felt like a cult as well. And that I didn't need anyone to tell me how to get sober. And that no one there would be 'like me'. In the end I realised that my AV was just saying and old BS to keep me drinking and I decided to stop taking notice of it and letting it plan my life for me.

There are no problems. Just solutions we're unwilling to try.

oldsoul112249

Did you only go to one AA meeting? The steps do work for many. I actually found out who I am as an individual and am on my own personal journey so I don't feel like I'm in a cult at all. Just the opposite.....freedom.

SoberLeigh

Kailey, have you seen this thread; a solid plan is so often an integral part of recovery:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...highlight=psst

Opivotal

I beat myself up something awful while drinking. My attitude was negative and I isolated as well.

I wasn't living, I was existing. If you can't stop on your own, please think about rehab. You deserve a happy and healthy life. Your attitude will change once you get sober and realize you're worth it.

MIRecovery

An awful lot of those people have something you dont, sobriety. Might be worthwhile finding out how they do it

ScottFromWI

Call the Samaritans hotline. The situation you are in is the very reason they exist and will be happy to help. Drinking actually makes it all worse, they can help you find a was to stop safely and then move forward.

tomsteve

if it was a cult you wouldn't have been able to leave.
nothing changes if nothing changes and no matter what, sobriety wont happen until you want it and are willing to do whatever is necessary.

do you want to get sober?

AnvilheadII

my life is miserable beyond belief

really? do you live in a sturdy structure, with running water and electricity? a working refrigerator, stove, toilet? do you have food in the cupboards? do you have access to transportation? money in the bank? do you have access to health care?

you obviously have internet access.

ask a refugee from the Sudan about miserable.

what you are is at the mercy of your addiction, consuming a substance that is guaranteed to make you depressed and miserable. if you do exactly ONE thing, your life will improve by leaps and bounds, because you will return to healthy and sanity.

ALL you have to do is NOT drink. one thing. and all else is possible. keep drinking and the only thing that is possible is this overwhelming sense of misery.

least

I was miserable too, while I was drinking. I didn't feel any better until I'd been sober for a while and the cloud of depression lifted. The only way you're going to feel better is to stop drinking!

Hevyn

Kaily - I was drinking 'round the clock when I came here. I never thought I'd live without it, but here I am over 8 yrs. sober. There's no doubt you can do this. You're miserable now - things would have to be better once you get free. Please keep posting and give some of the suggestions a try.

Caramel

Just a from me, Kaily.
Everyone is here for you.
Hope you feel brighter soon.

Kaily

I went at least four times a week for over a month. At first I thought this is it these people are just like me at last I fit in somewhere but I suddenly felt totally overwhelmed, I didn't find a sponsor but I did get a few numbers and one lovely lady text me regularly until I told her I was drinking again. I just didn't "get it" much as I tried.

thomas11

Kaily, sorry to hear this. Are there any things or activities in life that you are passionate about? Things that give you something to dedicate some time and energy towards?