Old Bathrobe of Sadness
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Old Bathrobe of Sadness
This is from an email subscription that arrived in my inbox just a little while ago. It seems like it's aimed right straight at me--I wanted to share in case maybe some of you feel it's aimed at you, too.
Sadness is somewhat like an old bathrobe that feels oh so comfortable to you. You've had it forever, worn it again and again. It holds sentimental value. How you want to keep this old bathrobe. You like to hold on to the past, even its sadness. Sometimes especially its sadness.
Does this old bathrobe gave meaning to your life as it spotlights sadness? You don't want to part with sadness even as you wish you didn't have it. Of course, you could live without this remnant from the past. You could live without it, yet you don't.
You haven't been quite able to pack this old relic into the attic trunk. Nope, you seem to desire to make past sadness easily available when you happen to want to bring it out for old time's sake. Somehow you relegate tears to this old bathrobe as if the tears were diamonds. This old thing has worn well in the sense that it doesn't look so raggedy that you must throw it out right away. Your eyes mist over the holes the robe is full of.
This bathrobe from the old days never was beautiful. You never quite saw it as it really was, though, and so you hang onto this bathrobe of sadness now as though it were special. This bathrobe is a dime a dozen. Such bathrobes hang in many closets. They hang in too many closets.
You really can move out that old bathrobe now. Don't hang it in your closet any longer. What do you think you need it for anyway? You are already an expert on sadness. Your life really comes down to more than a piece of old cloth.
How did sadness and happiness get so mixed up anyway? In truth, out of the sway of the world, there are no opposites to savor. This is not love you hold for the past of yesterday, yet you deify sadness and keep it holy. You want to keep sadness stable and consistent, ready to be called on at a moment's notice, to pull it out whenever you feel like it, substituting the past for life.
Swell in love rather than sadness. What is the point of reliving the moments when your heart got seared? Truly, can you not brand your heart with something new and more memorable? Happiness is not all that radical as you may think it is in that dark closet of your mind. It may well be a good idea for you to stay out of that stuffed closet altogether. What is it, really, that you must have a storeroom for?
When you move on in life, what do you really have to keep as a keepsake?
Why melt into the past when you are on the verge of a new dawn? Pull off that old bathrobe. Get out of bed and walk into This Very Moment of a New Day.
Sadness is somewhat like an old bathrobe that feels oh so comfortable to you. You've had it forever, worn it again and again. It holds sentimental value. How you want to keep this old bathrobe. You like to hold on to the past, even its sadness. Sometimes especially its sadness.
Does this old bathrobe gave meaning to your life as it spotlights sadness? You don't want to part with sadness even as you wish you didn't have it. Of course, you could live without this remnant from the past. You could live without it, yet you don't.
You haven't been quite able to pack this old relic into the attic trunk. Nope, you seem to desire to make past sadness easily available when you happen to want to bring it out for old time's sake. Somehow you relegate tears to this old bathrobe as if the tears were diamonds. This old thing has worn well in the sense that it doesn't look so raggedy that you must throw it out right away. Your eyes mist over the holes the robe is full of.
This bathrobe from the old days never was beautiful. You never quite saw it as it really was, though, and so you hang onto this bathrobe of sadness now as though it were special. This bathrobe is a dime a dozen. Such bathrobes hang in many closets. They hang in too many closets.
You really can move out that old bathrobe now. Don't hang it in your closet any longer. What do you think you need it for anyway? You are already an expert on sadness. Your life really comes down to more than a piece of old cloth.
How did sadness and happiness get so mixed up anyway? In truth, out of the sway of the world, there are no opposites to savor. This is not love you hold for the past of yesterday, yet you deify sadness and keep it holy. You want to keep sadness stable and consistent, ready to be called on at a moment's notice, to pull it out whenever you feel like it, substituting the past for life.
Swell in love rather than sadness. What is the point of reliving the moments when your heart got seared? Truly, can you not brand your heart with something new and more memorable? Happiness is not all that radical as you may think it is in that dark closet of your mind. It may well be a good idea for you to stay out of that stuffed closet altogether. What is it, really, that you must have a storeroom for?
When you move on in life, what do you really have to keep as a keepsake?
Why melt into the past when you are on the verge of a new dawn? Pull off that old bathrobe. Get out of bed and walk into This Very Moment of a New Day.
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Thanks honeypig 
Yes, this definitely resonates with me too.
I still find myself often times obsessing over things in the past with Separated AH, all the most heartbreaking times, and the things I wish I could go back and do differently, etc.. I know it does me no good to put on that robe, and it's keeping me from growing, but I'm having a hard time letting it go.
I saw this quote recently, which seems to me along the same lines:
"It's hard to get rid of the demons inside of you, because they were holding you when nobody else did"
Yes, this definitely resonates with me too.
I still find myself often times obsessing over things in the past with Separated AH, all the most heartbreaking times, and the things I wish I could go back and do differently, etc.. I know it does me no good to put on that robe, and it's keeping me from growing, but I'm having a hard time letting it go.
I saw this quote recently, which seems to me along the same lines:
"It's hard to get rid of the demons inside of you, because they were holding you when nobody else did"
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Good quote^^, Kboys, and I think it's true. Sometimes it feels like that's all we've known, all we could count on, and it's hard to let such a faithful companion go, even when we know, we absolutely know, that it's doing us no good to keep it.
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Interesting idea, hh...thanks.
I do like to revisit old threads from time to time for 2 reasons:
1) If I bump the thread, there is almost always new input/insight from someone who didn't see the thread the first time around.
2) I often find that my own understanding of the ideas has changed, sometimes a little, sometimes a whole lot, from when I read or posted it before.
I don't know that I'm wearing/keeping the "bathrobe of sadness" nearly as much as I used to, but right now, the meaning of this reading to me is to examine everything in my "closet" to see how it makes me feel, to see if it serves me, not just to keep on doing what I have been doing b/c it has worked in the past and is what I'm used to.
Last spring/summer I got rid of a LOT of material things (brother's 40' x 60' pole shed full of contractor STUFF plus weight machine, elliptical, other large items jointly owned by XAH and I) either by selling, donating, or trashing. It was hard work, physically AND emotionally, but I felt so much better when it was done.
I'm learning a lot about releasing things, both tangible and intangible. And I'm also learning that those tangible items, in many cases, go far beyond being a simple physical item that takes up space in my house or garage; they often carry a really heavy emotional charge, once I pause to feel it. The tangible and intangible are not as far apart as I once imagined.
I'm doing a lot of asking myself "what do I want in my life? really WANT there?" Not just what dropped there thru circumstance, what seems good enough for now, but what really feels right to me, supports me, feels like a friend to me.
I do like to revisit old threads from time to time for 2 reasons:
1) If I bump the thread, there is almost always new input/insight from someone who didn't see the thread the first time around.
2) I often find that my own understanding of the ideas has changed, sometimes a little, sometimes a whole lot, from when I read or posted it before.
I don't know that I'm wearing/keeping the "bathrobe of sadness" nearly as much as I used to, but right now, the meaning of this reading to me is to examine everything in my "closet" to see how it makes me feel, to see if it serves me, not just to keep on doing what I have been doing b/c it has worked in the past and is what I'm used to.
Last spring/summer I got rid of a LOT of material things (brother's 40' x 60' pole shed full of contractor STUFF plus weight machine, elliptical, other large items jointly owned by XAH and I) either by selling, donating, or trashing. It was hard work, physically AND emotionally, but I felt so much better when it was done.
I'm learning a lot about releasing things, both tangible and intangible. And I'm also learning that those tangible items, in many cases, go far beyond being a simple physical item that takes up space in my house or garage; they often carry a really heavy emotional charge, once I pause to feel it. The tangible and intangible are not as far apart as I once imagined.
I'm doing a lot of asking myself "what do I want in my life? really WANT there?" Not just what dropped there thru circumstance, what seems good enough for now, but what really feels right to me, supports me, feels like a friend to me.
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I still have dreams, once in a while, where I am somehow "stuck" back in my old relationship with my AXH. Last night, it recurred with my new husband in the background, and me trying to figure out how I got back into this mess. Usually, my memory returns and I have the power to leave the AXH and move on.
It still leaves me a bit disturbed, though, and I don't find it comforting at all.
(Plus, I disposed of most mementos and "old bathrobes" when my current husband and I moved into our home this past June.
On a side note, I would like to know who to pm in order to change my username. "Yurt" is a holdover from those days that I would also like to lose.
It still leaves me a bit disturbed, though, and I don't find it comforting at all.
(Plus, I disposed of most mementos and "old bathrobes" when my current husband and I moved into our home this past June.
On a side note, I would like to know who to pm in order to change my username. "Yurt" is a holdover from those days that I would also like to lose.
Last edited by Yurt; 02-26-2017 at 10:02 AM. Reason: Added more content.
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Hi, Yurt--I just PM'd Anna, one of the admins, to get a hold of you regarding your name change.
In case anyone else needs to do this, or contact an admin/mod for any reason, what I did was go to the home page for SR here The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com and look at the list of names of those who are online. There is a key above the names, showing how the name is printed for an admin, for a forum leader, for a greeter, etc. I chose the name of an online admin and sent her a PM asking her to contact you.
In case anyone else needs to do this, or contact an admin/mod for any reason, what I did was go to the home page for SR here The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com and look at the list of names of those who are online. There is a key above the names, showing how the name is printed for an admin, for a forum leader, for a greeter, etc. I chose the name of an online admin and sent her a PM asking her to contact you.
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I think this kind of reflection about the things in our lives is productive and positive, if at times sad.
My mother's house is full of stuff. Every closet, every drawer, every shelf is filled with something. Books she doesn't read, records she doesn't play, clothes she doesn't wear.
There's nothing wrong with that. Her house is an accumulation of 50 years of living. It's all part of her shaky mental landscape. It comforts her. She won't part with any of it. Not the broken sewing machine or the nonfunctional stereo.
I read a good article the other day, "No one wants your parents' stuff," about one man's struggle to clean out his father's apartment. Couldn't donate a lot of it for various reasons, so ended up calling one of those 1-800-we buy junk firms. Not the way he wanted to go, but....
Anyway, interesting thread, HP.
My mother's house is full of stuff. Every closet, every drawer, every shelf is filled with something. Books she doesn't read, records she doesn't play, clothes she doesn't wear.
There's nothing wrong with that. Her house is an accumulation of 50 years of living. It's all part of her shaky mental landscape. It comforts her. She won't part with any of it. Not the broken sewing machine or the nonfunctional stereo.
I read a good article the other day, "No one wants your parents' stuff," about one man's struggle to clean out his father's apartment. Couldn't donate a lot of it for various reasons, so ended up calling one of those 1-800-we buy junk firms. Not the way he wanted to go, but....
Anyway, interesting thread, HP.
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