Lonelyhearts2

So I'm angry right now thinking of the ways my ex hurt me. Not only was he an addict but he was also (I think) emotionally abusive. I felt he tried to manipulate and control me at times. Now it just angers me. I don't know why, but at the time I thought I could change him. Silly me.

I haven't been in contact with my xab for 3 weeks or maybe more, but he has contacted me numerous times, mainly through text.

And my secret is.. I'm actually taking joy out of not replying to him. I know that he probably misses me being there and it's like I have this secret joy that I'm not giving him what he wants, after he has sucked so much life out of me and HURT me so much.. It's like ignoring him feels like an appropriate punishment.

Does anyone else feel like this when they went no- contact? Like you took joy out of not replying? I guess I'm just so angry that I see joy in odd places ..

dandylion

Lonelyhearts.....I'll tell you what gave me comfort when I was in so much pain after a really bad breakup....

I knew that eventually....
He would go bald...
He would gain a protruding mid section
His man parts would shrivel up like little green apples.....

You know what?.....Whatever gets you through the pain!!!!!

dandylion

Refiner

YES. My A-sister is also a Narcissist. When I got a really good education her on alcoholism and also about Narcississm on other sites, I realized there was NO HOPE for us to have a relationship that didn't include her emotional abuse and manipulation. So I went NO CONTACT - totally. But the joy I felt was for myself, not abouta "punishment" for her. The giant albatross had been removed from my neck after 50 years!! And I was free from her toxicity. I knew she would just move on to her new "supply" since I wasn't giving it to her anymore. So "she" and "her feelings" didn't really matter to me anymore.

LexieCat

You may be overestimating how much he suffers when you ignore him. He may just move on. Be careful you don't let his NOT suffering get you angry. I think it's always problematic when how we feel depends on how someone else feels (good/bad).

pndm07

It's funny, I am struggling with this very hard now and wish I had your resolve. I wish I could be angry. My AH is calling me and crying and like an idiot I actually feel sorry for him. I know logically that he is using all the tried and true tactics and that he is just feeling sorry for himself b/c he screwed up, but I am a softie to the point where it is not good for me. I actually like to think that by limiting contact with him, I am doing him a favor. Eg., he won't change for the better by continuing contact and indulging in this way of life (drink, stay sober for a while, relapse, cry, etc. rinse & repeat). My coping with this pain is trying to remember that I'm not doing him any favors by talking to him. I don't know. Being mad would be so much easier and probably healthier.

dandylion

Anger can be very useful, sometimes, it you can channel it.....

"softie to the point where it is not good for me".....could be a way to describe Co-dependency"......

dandylion

Lonelyhearts2

I'm still struggling with the soul-sucking depression as a result of being around him. I started to realize in the relationship.. That I wasn't even enjoying sex that much because he would

Lonelyhearts2

I'm still struggling with the soul-sucking depression as a result of being around this callous type of person. It really angers me. Not only at him, but at myself for thinking he could change.

I started to realize in the relationship.. That I wasn't even able to enjoy the sex because my body image was so poor because of his words. He would alternate between complimenting my appearance and randomly making some veiled insult.

I also felt like I had to change my personality a bit, because he made me feel like the real me wasn't good enough.

I have never felt so self conscious around other men. UGH. This pisses me off so much that there are people in the world like this. And that "well meaning" people are the ones who fall for ther traps.