Smilax

The amount of cognitive dissonance in my head is staggering. I suppose it's really just a synonym for denial. How is it that I can manage to on the one had realise that I'm an alcoholic, that I'm throwing my health down the drain, that I'm making my mental health even worse than it is. And at the very same time, almost within the same thought, think happily about going to the liquor store to pick up my bottle of wine? I'm a smart person, that isn't me bragging it's just the truth, and yet the life choices I have made have been idiotic. I'd weep for myself if I didn't know how melodramatic that would be and, that others have things so much worse when I'm frankly pampered.

I suppose the root issue is that I'm desperately lonely and depressed and at yet too terrified of life to do anything about it.

Nonsensical

Because persistent alcohol use has tampered with your amygdala complex.

Your logical brain knows it's wrong, but your amygdala makes you feel like you need alcohol for survival. This produces contradictory thoughts in your head. I found it quite maddening until I understood it.

The good news is that your amygdala can't override your cerebral cortex to get what it wants. The amygdala can't move your arms or legs to get the booze to your mouth. It needs to convince you to do it. Don't listen to the lies it generates.

In other good news, if you starve that amygdala for a while it relents. Give it 90 days and see what happens.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

Venecia

Being an alcoholic makes us feel bad. Because it's a depressant, alcohol makes it get worse.

I think framing the issue as "no more drinking" can be overwhelming. What about reframing it as reaching out for the life you want. A better life that is possible if you relegate alcohol to your past.

uncorked

I could've written your post about 9 months ago. The thing is, sobriety is a LOT easier than your brain is telling you right now. I decided to go to rehab and it was the best decision I ever made. My marriage had fallen apart, I was about to lose custody of my son and being away gave me time to concentrate just on me. I know it sounds strange, but I actually enjoyed rehab, though I missed my kids. I'm not saying that's what you should do --- not at all. Most people quit themselves without any kind of program. You CAN do this!

Forward12

We all really have this as alcoholics by having our mind, and that of our alcoholic voice. We know the drinking is wrong, that it's destroying our lives and health, but the AV doesn't care. It will do everything it possibly can to lie and manipulate us to keep feeding it over and over again. It takes great strength to fight back and do the right thing.
Have you tried going to an AA meeting or speaking to an addiction specialist to help with your depression issues?

Dee74

I think most of us have a certain ambivalence...not drinking looms as a monumental life change.

The thing is - it's not a bad change - there is a period of adjustment that can be uncomfortable but it's a finite period...generally, my life is pretty awesome now...I could have never pictured that when thinking of what an alcohol free life might be.

You deserve to give yourself that chance.

Don't wait to resolve the cognitive dissonance...do it now.

Act on faith and do what you know you need to do - quit drinking

D

Smilax

Thank you all guys! This is such an amazingly supportive forum. Even more so I feel than a lot of the mental health forums I visit frequently.

I really wish I could stop. I need to start visiting the government run addiction meetings that I told myself I would but never have. I saw an addiction councilor there who was amazingly supportive but I have yet to start going to the meetings.

Forward12

It sounds like you know what you need to do, now it's time to start doing it

MelindaFlowers

This is probably one of the best definitions of addiction I've ever read. I'm saving this one. This is excellent.

My cognitive dissonance was that if i actually tried to stop, that would signify how bad the problem actually was. So continued the same routine, what was familiar at the time. I was addicted to alcohol. I continued drinking despite many, many red flags.

I can relate because I was fully aware that I was an alcoholic but completely, with no restraint, continued drinking. You read so much about denial as a cornerstone of addiction. I accepted that I was an alcoholic with no denial. However, I do believe I was in denial about just how much it was damaging my life. I admitted my life was unmanageable and that I was powerless over alcohol probably three years before I stopped drinking.

I'm decently smart too. It helped me to realize that doctors, lawyers, surgeons, college professors etc. can all suffer from alcoholism.