Just needing support
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Just needing support
Day 1 of no contact completely ... Just feeling sad and anxious. I am on step 2 in alanon... which is giving everything over to God. I have had to practice that a lot today. I still am living in a state of "I wish"... I wish that he wasn't an alcoholic...I wish that everything happened differently... I wish I wasn't so in love with him... I wish that all the bad behavior could be erased... It is so hard to live in the present that it really is over. I know I have written so much about this...it just helps to write it out... Dear God, please allow me to heal from this....
Thank you all for being there for me ... all of you on here have been amazing
Thank you all for being there for me ... all of you on here have been amazing
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 216
I have done NC before Kaya -- In other relationships way back in the day. Different reasons, but it worked the same. It was always the worst in the first weeks. But every time I tried it, it always worked. Somehow the brain heals by the distance. It's a crazy analogy with the addicts here, who can slowly start to heal the longer they are away from substances. In NC, the ex is the substance and the longer you can avoid, the better you feel. But if you give in to contact everything comes rushing back.
I actually got back together with XGF several years ago when I was almost 4 months into NC -- All it took was a little bait and I came running back. And here I sit today with the regrets.
Try your best, time is the key though, as much as we want to fast forward we can't. I want to see the future and know that I'm okay no matter what now, and I can't, and that hurts too. You didn't do anything wrong, you just made an unfortunate choice and are doing what you can to course correct.
I still don't regret the time I had, and I try and think of everything good as times well spent, and the bad just things I learned for next time.
Thoughts are with you as you go through it, I will be there soon with you!
I actually got back together with XGF several years ago when I was almost 4 months into NC -- All it took was a little bait and I came running back. And here I sit today with the regrets.
Try your best, time is the key though, as much as we want to fast forward we can't. I want to see the future and know that I'm okay no matter what now, and I can't, and that hurts too. You didn't do anything wrong, you just made an unfortunate choice and are doing what you can to course correct.
I still don't regret the time I had, and I try and think of everything good as times well spent, and the bad just things I learned for next time.
Thoughts are with you as you go through it, I will be there soon with you!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Sutton Bonington, Loughborough
Posts: 43
Hi Kaya, I have read your posts on here and although there are differences in our situations, there are definite parallels in the emotions being felt. I feel for you. I'm not sure how much longer AGF and I will be an item but if we do split, it will be a mixture of relief and grief, 'grelief' if you like lol. Love to you in these testing times.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Step 2 isn't about "giving everything over to God"--you're jumping ahead to the RESULT of the Steps--that spiritual awakening that really allows one to "give everything over to God."
All you do in Step 2 is come to BELIEVE a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. That's it. End of Step.
Step 3 isn't even "giving everything over to God"--it's "making a decision" to turn your will and your life over to the care of your Higher Power.
The rest of the Steps make it possible for you to actually turn everything over.
Slow down. Work the Steps, in order, and don't expect to be able to run before you can walk.
All you do in Step 2 is come to BELIEVE a Power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. That's it. End of Step.
Step 3 isn't even "giving everything over to God"--it's "making a decision" to turn your will and your life over to the care of your Higher Power.
The rest of the Steps make it possible for you to actually turn everything over.
Slow down. Work the Steps, in order, and don't expect to be able to run before you can walk.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I agree with Lexie....i don't think you have worked Step One yet...have you written out a Step 1.....the How Did I Get Here story? not about HIM....about..............YOU. he is just part of the scenery........
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Join Date: Apr 2016
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
I agree with Lexie....i don't think you have worked Step One yet...have you written out a Step 1.....the How Did I Get Here story? not about HIM....about..............YOU. he is just part of the scenery........
Hi yes I have worked step one with my sponsor... I just worded it wrong above
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Sobriety date 7/15/2015
Posts: 13,350
I'm going through something similar. NC after 15+ years. Alcoholic or not you feel pretty much the same. There's a loss and so a grieving process and it doesn't happen over night. First is shock/denial...then anger/depression...then acceptance/understanding. It's been a week for me and every day is a little more of letting go. Today I shopped where we used to get groceries together. that was very sad but that's done now. A lot of little things I'm doing alone. I cried over his empty chair. I filled it up with stuffed animals 
....I'm hopping around a bit in the grieving process but it's getting done. Best of luck to you!
....I'm hopping around a bit in the grieving process but it's getting done. Best of luck to you!
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