NAP

Hi. It's been a while since I've been here; I'm still sober but now being about 15 months I'm finally realizing that motherhood is what I've been wanting and I'm now coming into menopause and feeling like it's too late in the game anyways, to become pregnant.

I feel like alcohol cost me my chance at motherhood and this makes me extremely sad to contemplate. Can anyone relate?

Melina

Yes, I can exactly relate. Same here.

Hugs.

Seren

Not alcohol, but life circumstances, have kept me from becoming a mother. I understand, and I'm sorry.

yinzer

Yes, I spent most of my adult life partying. Now I'm almost 51 and childless and often wonder if I really missed out. But it is what it is and I can't change it.

I have a sister in law who is in her late 40s and about to adopt two children. Maybe if you really want that experience you could consider that?

August252015

I can. I will be 40 in August; I don't know that I have technically gone through menopause bc varios perio symptoms blend over with alcohol-use-related ones. However, I think the last time I got my period was one time last year, for about a day, and it had been that infrequent for several years, back to 2013. Maybe then 3,4 times.

And...my 30s were when I was in the darkness, as I call it, while my friends who have babies and families were building theirs. Sometimes I look back on my divorce at almost 29 and think - huh. What if I'd dealt with that emotional fallout in the next couple of years, gotten hold of my drinking rather than making choices and choosing relationships where it escalated instead . . . maybe I'd have gotten remarried and had a family. But, I didn't. Some days I struggle with this, like when I am around my age peers, and ones with whom i grew up etc, and see what they have; I don't.

It may be too late for the kid thing; I pray it will not be too late for a healthy, long term relationship, marriage or not. I try not to let myself think of the "what if's/I wish" . . . and focus on my other single friends, my recovery friends, myself.

You will be ok. Looking back is only helpful to learn and then shut the door. Some doors stay a little ajar; that's ok, as long as it doesn't keep us from moving on.

Cherrybreeze

While my reasons weren't drinking related, at 36, I feel like that ship has sailed for me. Multiple contributing factors - never the right relationship circumstance (I've had long term relationships, but have never been married, and I always wanted to wait until I was when/if I decided I wanted a baby), I have a long history of GYN issues and endometriosis (I am not entirely sure if pregnancy is even possible), and at this point, my nieces and nephews are all teenagers (the oldest just left for college). It's hard to get my head around starting the process at this later stage after participating through their childhoods. I haven't decided yet if I missed out, but I imagine I'll likely feel that way down the road.

SeekingNewMe

I definitely feel this way, and it's one big thing that keeps me mired in the mud (and on Number=Infinity Day 1 today).

I often think about what I could have been/done over the last 20 years. Instead, I drank. Lost friendships, became so isolated, my husband doesn't have much hope for me now.

But yes, absolutely. I'm 47 and I think about it a lot. Given my drinking it is probably a very good thing I never had kids.. but it's another regret alcohol fueled. Of many.

With hugs,
SNM

Yankee73

Even if I had been sober, there's no guarantee I would have had or wanted a child, anyway...

Turtle76

I just turned 40. While still technically possible, I think its highly unlikely I will have children. I have always subscribed to "if it happens, it happens" thought about children. It hasnt happened. My lifestyle definately didnt help matters along. I never really considered myself mother material. Now, as I sober up, I definitely start to wonder if maybe I could have been a good mom. But all the what ifs do me no good what so ever. This is where I am at. I have to believe that there is a reason I am not a mother. Maybe I can become a foster parent. Maybe I can adopt. Maybe I will nurture in another way through some sort of volunteer work. Maybe I meant to travel or care for an aging parent. I have to believe that my purpose will be revealed and there will be a day when I understand why it was not my path.