Sephra

Well addicted stepson did come to youngest stepdaughters graduation party.
Left in the middle of the night (without telling anyone, leaving his 5 year old unattended. The next morning, him and gf refused to get up for hours while everyone else watched the 5 yr. old.
He proceeded to go home, (his mothers house) and pretty much tell them to get bent cause he feels it's like jail over there. So then the phone calls to us to get him to work (we didn't jump, he found a ride) he shows up after work, hungry and hubby feeds him.
I don't believe he's clean.
I'm tired of him using everyone and treating them like crap and cycling through the fam.
He and the gf stayed at the babymama's house , I doubt that's gonna last long.
I am trying to stay out of it, because right now, I'm so fed up, I have nothing nice to say about the situation. I've taken to just leaving the room when he shows up at this point.
The big one, is going to be , if he thinks he's coming back to my house. I'm done with it. I don't know if hubby will keep his word or not, but I refuse to live with it anymore. Period.

Ann

That's a good healthy boundary, Sephra. Make it clear to your hubby that you mean it.

It seems no matter how out of control, how much chaos comes into our lives, that we tend to stay on the ride thinking it helps.

There is good help available for him, if and when he is ready, and it comes from professionals who know how to help and deal with all this. Rehab (Salvation Army is free), meetings, detox, counseling...so many good places that have nothing to do with us.

I pray he finds a better path soon and that in the meantime you and your family stay safe.

Hugs

PlasticInsanity

The sad reality is that he will continue to use people and cycle through until all of the doors have been shut in his face.

Sephra

So so true. I've watched the cycle for years now... Using someone til they can't take his behavior anymore, then, they kick him out and he moves on to the next. on and on and on. I'm finally ready to get off the merry go round, unfortunately, hubby isn't , logically he is, but, in the moment, emotion gets the best of him.
No one wants to give up on him. But, wow, you can't help someone who doesn't WANT it. period.
Arghhh! So frustrating.

PlasticInsanity

Your husband reminds me of my dad. My sister knew that if she cried hard and long enough, he'd give in out of guilt. Unfortunately for her though, everybody has their limit. She drained my parents enough financially and emotionally, that the last time she went on one of her "runs", and threatened to move out, they told her 'go for it'. It took my dad longer than my mom to get to that point, but everyone has their limits. After she came down off the drugs, the reality that they were ready to push her out kind of woke her up - at least for now it did.

Seren

Sounds a lot like my stepson. He tries to use family and friends until they can't take it anymore. Most everyone has closed the door to further help unless and until he helps himself.

Sephra

I think the big problem here in this corner, is that no one can seem to get on the same page at the same time, so he always has an out.
It's so hard, I mean logically we all get it, but yet again last night, his mother called us and hubby ended up driving around trying to find him.
He was a no show/no call to work yesterday which probably means he will lose that job (less than a month and a pretrial requirement)
If me and hubby could get and stay on the same page... if the ex wife (his mom) could, if the step father could, if the sisters could... there's just too many people in the family.
I do believe everyone has their limits. I know that I have reached mine. His parents, I don't know, I feel like they are willing to let themselves be taken down by him, go down with the sinking ship... you know?

atalose

And usually that is the next play the addict will make………a show of attempt at getting help. Talking the talk of recovery for a while. Saying they are going to “meetings” heck maybe even shows up to a few but in the long run it’s another scam to get by or keep a roof over their heads or money in their pockets and enablers on stand-by.

It’s good that you are seeing the “big picture” and how detrimental all the helpers around your stepson are to any chance of recovery for him. But at the same time as you said you are still in chaos having this person at your home, watching your husband jump when his ex says jump – and try and go fetch the boy!!! This is taking its toll on you and your marriage and this cycle of your stepsons could go on and on for years, are you prepared for that?

Much like asking the addict to “just stop taking drugs” asking the enabler to “just stop” has the same effect – none. How about counseling for the both of you? Is your husband open to that? Maybe someone who specializes in addiction and its effect on the entire family.