Slowdown12

Hi - first post to the forum! Slightly daunted by it. I really get a lot from reading other people's shares and I feel like I'm at a meeting which is great. I moved last year to another country where I don't speak much of the language so the Al Anon meeting I go to is a muddle for me. I moved with my husband , the alcoholic in my life right now and we now live and work together running a small cafe. He is also in recovery and attends AA. There has been so much change in our lives and he doesn't cope well with change. That leads to acting out behaviours. My struggle right now is feeling so tired of trying to work the programme around his moods and behaviours. Before I started Al Anon I spent a lot of time fantasising about quietly leaving him and what that would look like- I find myself doing that again now especially after a really difficult weekend. I guess I just needed to get that out of my head!! I feel confused about doing what's right for me - because leaving him might not be!! I'm not sure of my own motives I guess!! Thanks for reading

keeppushing

I'm so sorry to hear of your difficult situation SD12. Decisions involving loved ones are always difficult. Personally I have found journalling helps a lot, especially keeping a log of behaviour that hurts me. This allows me to see with better accuracy what is really going on, because memory can be tricky,

I really hope you figure things out.

All the best,

KP

Soberwolf

Hi Slowdown welcome to a really great site for recovery

Gottalife

Does alanon suggest you adjust your life to suit your husband's moods? I thought it would be the opposite.

Maybe try reading the chapters in the Big book about family and wives.

Slowdown12

Hi- I'm mostly confused about what Al Anon suggests- I often feel there is a mixed message! I read the big book section to the wives and the alcoholic recovery described is nothing like my own situation and I struggle to relate to it. My childhood experiences have left me hyper vigilant to the needs,or my perception of the needs, of others. Whilst I know 'I didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it' I feel I'm programmed to fix it!

fred59

your alcoholic husband does not deal with change well but he moved to another country to open a cafe, sounds like a recipe for disaster! the chapter to the wives in the BB is a little suspect, written by Bill when Lois wanted to write it and Bill being the womanizer should not have written this chapter IMO.

Slowdown you have a lot on your plate, SR has a wealth of experience take what you need and leave the rest as they say in AA. It sounds like you have been put in a tough spot, I hope you do what is best for you good luck.

Anna

Welcome!

I hope that you are able to focus on your needs and to find the solution to your relationship situation.

Slowdown12

Hi thanks for the comments - I'm working on doing what's good for me- I raised some issues with my husband and we have agreed a time to talk. I forget to talk to him or others!! And keep stuff in my head where it festers- 'letting go' is a toughie - I don't even realise the need to most of the time!
Good point about the big move for someone who struggles with change! Hadn't even thought about that before!
Courage to change July 7 has helped me get some perspective also.
Thanks for reading