behindblueyes

Yesterday, my family had a huge 4th of July picnic.

I am not on great terms with my family due to my drinking and recent trouble with the law. However, I am sober. I do not count days. I count and all the sudden I get cocky and think I should celebrate. Happens every time.

Anyway, my dad started drinking at 4pm. Actually, probably earlier because I got there at 4 with my child and he was already with beer in hand. At one point in the night, he was lighting off very expensive large fireworks after at least 5 beers. Only reason I knew, is because every time I heard the crack of another can, I had a mini-panic attack and wanted it away from me.

At one point, my mom asked me to help me pack him a cooler for the back yard. (he does this for faster access). She admitted he had bought 2 cases of beer for himself just for the 4th. He has been drinking over 10 beers a night for over 20+ years but his drinking has never gotten worse, he has never been in trouble at work, and so on.

I wonder how this is possible. My drinking escalated from ugly to worse over a 10 year period but he still gets up at 5am every morning and goes to work. I have been fired from multiple jobs and so on. I just wonder if someone can drink this hard and never be hungover or still drunk in the morning? Won't he eventually get worse? Thanks all.

Ariesagain

He might just have a much longer continuum...his health may fail before the other life consequences like losing his job catch up to him. And your mom may not know how much he's really drinking these days...if he bought 24 beers just for July 4th, that's more than 10 a night.

I get why you're making comparisons, but maybe try to understand that you're the fortunate one here? You understand what's going on with your drinking and what the consequences can be and therefore will probably have a much higher quality of life for a much longer time than he will if you're able to maintain being sober.

He's looking at a stroke, any of a number of nasty cancers, liver failure, diabetes, kidney failure, heart disease, chronic pancreatitis, gallstones, gout and/or any of the other 60+ diseases that alcohol is implicated in. Or maybe he'll be a statistical miracle.

It doesn't matter, really, right? You're the one you have control over.

Here's hoping at least that he gets through the 4th without blowing off a significant body part...Fireworks + alcohol = major stupidity.

Sending you encouragement...

behindblueyes

He bought 2 cases of beer for the holiday weekend, 60 beers.

Ariesagain

See, this is how clueless I am about beer, sorry.

Either way...60 beers in 3 days is 20 a day, not 10, right? Even if it's for 4 days...15.

I'm probably not helping, but I feel bad that you're being labeled the Family Alcoholic while everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. Families are so good at that.

Elyse16

My late husband was a beer drinker in the beginning. He drank about 10 beers a night as well. Then he added vodka in his juice bottle to drink at work. Every day for 8 years. He went to work every day, paid the bills, never had hangovers, never seemed drunk, and functioned like a normal adult. But he died at 34 of liver failure. No one in his or my family ever saw him drunk and he rarely drank at social functions. For some reason, as our doctor told us, alcohol affects people differently. Some livers can sustain an insane amount of abuse and some can't. But drinking anything, beer, wine, hard booze - a couple drinks every day is detrimental to health and does have consequences. 10 drinks a day sounds like a problem to me. Drinking every day sounds like a problem to me. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hugs.

behindblueyes

My mother said, her words, that he bought two cases for the party. For himself. Because no one else in the family is drinking and won't let him out to get it without "bothering" him. But, yes I am the problem. Only because I am now in outpatient treatment and it means I have admitted it.

He is smart, successful, and I don't know how he hasn't been in trouble with the law. He is retiring soon. I wonder if he will increase then. Even after 10 beers, he wasn't stumbling or slurring.

Flavia2

You are the lucky one - drinking was a problem for you and you stopped. Congrats!

My X was like your dad - no one ever saw him stumble or slur, couldn't tell if he was drinking and all test results (liver, blood pressure, etc) always perfect. He prided himself on these things, I think.

But he's dead inside. He hates himself.

maia1234

BBE,
Good for you for wanting a better life then your father had. You had the DNA and choose not to stay on that path. I wish you support in your every day battle.

Sending hugs my friend, you are blessed!!

velma929

A case is four six-packs, 24 beers. Two cases = 48.

He may have an enormous tolerance.

My Dad never missed a day of work, but in retirement drank far more and eventually was involved in a fatal DUI.

hopeful4

I have found that there is acceptance from a certain generation. Sort of like, oh well, they have always done that so....

Ultimately, you can only be responsible for one person, yourself. Let all the rest go and enjoy your own sobriety.

tomsteve

unless theyre 30 pack cases.

10 beers/night may not appear to be effecting him, but im sure it is.

good on ya for getting back at takin care of you!

behindblueyes

I can't believe I'm arguing this. A case of natural light comes in 30 count in my state. He bought 60 beers.

Who cares. He is killing himself either way.

healthyagain

Speaking from personal experience, it is not how much one drinks, it is how he or she acts without drinking, or to be more precise, what kind of role does drinking play in one's life. My second observation is this: an alcoholic is as functional as his or her enablers. If alcoholics have a good "support system," they can remain in a functional denial forever.

Jaeger

Good for you for getting help and on your sobriety! By calling out your problems, he is trying to hide his. You can't control that, only yourself.

Alcoholism is a family disease and also a progressive disease. Yes, his drinking will probably increase once he retires. I really commend you for stepping up and breaking that cycle.

Expanding

This is true. A person generally thinks of an alcoholic as someone who is homeless, no friends, family or prospects. If you have family and lots of friends, successes, people who are backing you up and defending you, it can go on forever. It doesn't matter what has happened. Forget the simple reasoning that if he was able to stop he would have. If he was not an alcoholic and drinking was affecting his life negatively he would be able to stop.

Cyranoak

Doesn't matter-- you are your business, he is his. You are not his business, and he is not yours.

sosadandhurt

behindblueyes I understand exactly what you are asking. My exabf drank every single day. At least a 12 pk a day, everyday, and sometimes more. He has never missed a days work and gets up at 4am some days and drinks until 10:30 or 11:00 every night. I just don't know how his body has not shut down from this. He also doesn't have horrible hangovers. I can't hardly drink from thinking what a hangover feels like and I can handle only about 3 or 4 beers every once in awhile. So yes, I wonder why alcohol does not affect his body in an adverse way. He is 50 and has been drinking since he was 15 and seems to not have any medical problems from it.

behindblueyes

I wanted to bump this post up after what happened today. Some of you know I broke my leg and ankle and am entirely bedridden and stuck in a house.

Since I can't get down the stairs, (surgeon put a rod and screws to my knee), I am relying on my parents. They don't live far and pass by every day.

Well, my mom also has cancer and had chemo yeaterday. It was her first time. I wanted to see her today and she had my mail. My (alcoholic) father is livid I broke my leg and disgusted with me. He sat in the car and made her climb the stairs twice to give me mail and packages.

He was so angry, that he had her upset and running fast and she's sick. She kept saying "I have to hurry" and I saw her for 2 minutes.

How can his hatred for me be so bad that he sends his sick wife up the stairs and makes her hurry up just to spite me? I'm thinking of telling them not to come back but I'm entirely alone. He's always hated me and has been abusive but this is too far, no?

Kissedbyfire

Blueeyes, really sorry to hear about your injury. Hope you're healing well and quickly. Also very sorry to hear about your mom's illness. Hoping the chemo helps her and she enters remission very soon.
Is there really no one else who can help you out during this difficult time?
You can't stop your Dad from having this childish behaviour but it seems your poor mom is paying the price for it, which is obviously something you don't want given her current condition.

Is there anything you can do or say to help your father go easier on your mom?

How long did the doctors say your abilities would be limited? I really hope you can find any sort of solution to help both you and your mom.
Sorry I couldn't be of more help.
Wishing you well.

firebolt

I'm so sorry you are hurt!! DO you have friends that can help? Coworkers? The people around me cooked, cleaned, made me meals, and got my groceries while I was laid up....and there was no stopping them! I hope you have good people near you right now. Speedy recovery to you!