Introduction kinda...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: England
Posts: 69
Introduction kinda...
Hey there.
I've been lurking the last couple of days and reading any and everything. This place seems like a godsend.
I was going to write a brief history of my alcohol use but then figured you don't tell your life story in a introduction.
Long story short (or not...) I finally admitted I was an alcoholic in May after countless blackouts, hospital visits ruined friendships, petty crimes and far too many destroyed objects.
I would drink anywhere from 8 to 15 beers a day depending on finaces and how my stomach was.
Ocassionaly Id go for whisky or vodka which would usually end up with me in the hospital and needing treatment for self inflicted injuries I could hardly remember doing.
I managed to taper during May and quit on April 5th and made it 44 days before I slipped which lead to the most recent relapse.
That lasted 3 weeks (I think) in which I drunk god knows how many beers and when that became too difficult I switched to drinking a litre of whisky or vodka a day and then tried to go back to beer but by then I couldn't keep enough down to stop withdrawals.
During this time I was taken to the hospital by the police twice due self harm issues but I bailed both times.
Now the worst part and the scariest thing I have ever experienced happened 6 days ago. My diet during this bender deteriorated to the point where in the last 6 days I ate roughly 400 calories.
During those 3 weeks I became progressively more confused and extremely paranoid and anxious. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. My memory stopped working properly, I couldn't keep a train of thought nor speak properly, I would just ramble. I kept going from hysteria to laughing to crying to panic attacks like every 15 minutes and still I kept drinking.
My saving grace was that before it had got this bad I had made an appointment with the doctor. My dad picked me up and I kept freaking out in the waiting room, thinking everyone was looking at me and talking about me, laughing about me. I was hearing things that weren't there and seeing flashes of weird stuff like mutilated faces. I was also withdrawing so I was shaking and sweating profusely.
I couldn't explain anything to the doctor properly but he sent me to the hospital where I spent about day and a half hallucinating, rambling and forgetting where I was, who I was and pretty much everything else every 5 minutes.
At the end of day 2 things were still pretty confusing but I could at least hold a semi coherent conversation and wasn't hallucinating anymore.
They discharged me about 12 hours later when my vitals, blood workand mental state were better and I was able to keep food and water down.
They didnt think I was at great risk of seizure or dts at that point (also they just won't fully detox you here unless it's absolutely necessary)
And so here I am an alcoholic almost 24 years old, on the tail end of day 5 ,7 pounds lighter, a great deal weaker, on a ton of vitamins, trying to piece together whatever I can as my memories come back to me while terrified I've done irreversible damage to my brain.
Sorry this turned out so long and if it doesn't read well. Yesterday I couldn't write anything (or even spell thiamine apparently) and I needed to put what I can remember down somewhere as a reminder of what I managed to do to myself and as a proof that my brains getting better.
I've been lurking the last couple of days and reading any and everything. This place seems like a godsend.
I was going to write a brief history of my alcohol use but then figured you don't tell your life story in a introduction.
Long story short (or not...) I finally admitted I was an alcoholic in May after countless blackouts, hospital visits ruined friendships, petty crimes and far too many destroyed objects.
I would drink anywhere from 8 to 15 beers a day depending on finaces and how my stomach was.
Ocassionaly Id go for whisky or vodka which would usually end up with me in the hospital and needing treatment for self inflicted injuries I could hardly remember doing.
I managed to taper during May and quit on April 5th and made it 44 days before I slipped which lead to the most recent relapse.
That lasted 3 weeks (I think) in which I drunk god knows how many beers and when that became too difficult I switched to drinking a litre of whisky or vodka a day and then tried to go back to beer but by then I couldn't keep enough down to stop withdrawals.
During this time I was taken to the hospital by the police twice due self harm issues but I bailed both times.
Now the worst part and the scariest thing I have ever experienced happened 6 days ago. My diet during this bender deteriorated to the point where in the last 6 days I ate roughly 400 calories.
During those 3 weeks I became progressively more confused and extremely paranoid and anxious. I couldn't figure out what was wrong. My memory stopped working properly, I couldn't keep a train of thought nor speak properly, I would just ramble. I kept going from hysteria to laughing to crying to panic attacks like every 15 minutes and still I kept drinking.
My saving grace was that before it had got this bad I had made an appointment with the doctor. My dad picked me up and I kept freaking out in the waiting room, thinking everyone was looking at me and talking about me, laughing about me. I was hearing things that weren't there and seeing flashes of weird stuff like mutilated faces. I was also withdrawing so I was shaking and sweating profusely.
I couldn't explain anything to the doctor properly but he sent me to the hospital where I spent about day and a half hallucinating, rambling and forgetting where I was, who I was and pretty much everything else every 5 minutes.
At the end of day 2 things were still pretty confusing but I could at least hold a semi coherent conversation and wasn't hallucinating anymore.
They discharged me about 12 hours later when my vitals, blood workand mental state were better and I was able to keep food and water down.
They didnt think I was at great risk of seizure or dts at that point (also they just won't fully detox you here unless it's absolutely necessary)
And so here I am an alcoholic almost 24 years old, on the tail end of day 5 ,7 pounds lighter, a great deal weaker, on a ton of vitamins, trying to piece together whatever I can as my memories come back to me while terrified I've done irreversible damage to my brain.
Sorry this turned out so long and if it doesn't read well. Yesterday I couldn't write anything (or even spell thiamine apparently) and I needed to put what I can remember down somewhere as a reminder of what I managed to do to myself and as a proof that my brains getting better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
TT - I'm so glad you joined us & told part of your story. I read you loud & clear. 
Sharing my feelings here helped me more than anything else I tried. I was no longer alone. No one in my life had a problem with alcohol - they didn't understand what I went through. I kept drinking most of my life - always thinking I would one day manage it if I used enough willpower. The results were disastrous. I'm so glad you've made the decision to kick it out of your life at only 24.
You're doing a great thing.
Sharing my feelings here helped me more than anything else I tried. I was no longer alone. No one in my life had a problem with alcohol - they didn't understand what I went through. I kept drinking most of my life - always thinking I would one day manage it if I used enough willpower. The results were disastrous. I'm so glad you've made the decision to kick it out of your life at only 24.
You're doing a great thing.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,099
I just wanted to say a quick hello and welcome you. What you've been through sounds really awful and scary. The good news is you sound like you are feeling better. The better news is it doesn't ever have to happen again, and you don't ever have to feel like this again. I'm glad you came here for support. Good luck, my friend. Welcome.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: London, England
Posts: 123
Welcome, glad you feeling better,when ever you think you need to just pour out whatever you're feeling on here ,people will listen, were all in the same boat heading to the same destination mate!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 82
I had an extremely similar experience. Moved home in the middle of a litre/day voda habit and forced to quit....ER/ICU for 5 days after hallucinating. Scary part is I went back out, relapse after relapse, and kept drinking before finally quitting last year. Please use this as a wake up call. Life is fantastic sober right now and my regret is not doing it after that experience.
Welcome to the site and best
Welcome to the site and best
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,384
Originally Posted by TheadoreThiamin 
I've been lurking the last couple of days and reading any and everything. This place seems like a godsend.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Welcome Theadore!
Long is not an issue and it reads well to all of us! You've made a decision to become part of the community and that's music to our ears.
Keep posting and reading. You're right, SR is definitely a Godsend. No matter what you choose for a program of recovery this place is here 24/7 and there's almost always someone on. It's been monumental in my success with sobriety.
Sorry this turned out so long and if it doesn't read well.
Keep posting and reading. You're right, SR is definitely a Godsend. No matter what you choose for a program of recovery this place is here 24/7 and there's almost always someone on. It's been monumental in my success with sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 124
Wow, so well done, you have done it before, you can do it again!
Glad you are on the mend now, just focus and keep coming on here, there is tons of support. It's when you stop checking in the damage can happen, that is what I've learned!!!!
Glad you are on the mend now, just focus and keep coming on here, there is tons of support. It's when you stop checking in the damage can happen, that is what I've learned!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: England
Posts: 69
Thanks for all the support. I will definitely keep checking in.
Head seems to be getting better and withdrawal seems like its calming down. Still sweating, feel shaky and my emotions are going crazy also I'm pretty sure id lose in a fight with 5 year old at the moment. But I'm alive and there's hope.
I need to make a plan and I have to go to an AA meeting this time which terrifies me because of social anxiety. I'm going to get some literature on mindfulness and other things (book recommendation sticky is great) because if last time taught me anything its that I don't know how to cope, I need every tool at my disposal and I am not special enough to beat this by myself.
I've got a lot of work to do and it's impossible to do by myself. I deserve a fair shot at life. I need to keep telling myself that.
Thanks for being here.
Head seems to be getting better and withdrawal seems like its calming down. Still sweating, feel shaky and my emotions are going crazy also I'm pretty sure id lose in a fight with 5 year old at the moment. But I'm alive and there's hope.
I need to make a plan and I have to go to an AA meeting this time which terrifies me because of social anxiety. I'm going to get some literature on mindfulness and other things (book recommendation sticky is great) because if last time taught me anything its that I don't know how to cope, I need every tool at my disposal and I am not special enough to beat this by myself.
I've got a lot of work to do and it's impossible to do by myself. I deserve a fair shot at life. I need to keep telling myself that.
Thanks for being here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
Welcome to SR! I am glad you are starting to feel a little better, and are looking into options for support.
You are so young, and have a wonderful sober life ahead of you!
Glad you are here!
❤️Delilah
You are so young, and have a wonderful sober life ahead of you!
Glad you are here!
❤️Delilah
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Welcome--you can do this--you had 40 plus days before,
and you can do it and much more again.
It actually will get easier after the first few months--the cravings
are less and further between, and you have some confidence and control
built up.
One day at a time.
Post whenever you feel the urge to drink and someone will respond and help
you get through it.
Glad you are OK--
and you can do it and much more again.
It actually will get easier after the first few months--the cravings
are less and further between, and you have some confidence and control
built up.
One day at a time.
Post whenever you feel the urge to drink and someone will respond and help
you get through it.
Glad you are OK--
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi TT, sounds like alcohol is trying to kill. Don't let it. Get through this hard physical stuff and then maybe talk to others on this site about creating a solid plan. Post regularly, it seems to help many people.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,872
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
