amy55

I don't know why I even answer my phone. I want to take that weapon of misery and toss it in the river. So, my daughter calls me tonight. I answer thinking she wanted to talk to me about her vacation cruise, I also wanted to tell her nicely that even though she sent me a friend request on fakebook last week, and I accepted, that I was going to unfriend her since I don't want to see my ex's gf replies to her, or anything at all about ex and his gf. It's not that I hate the gf, I don't, I just don't want to see my daughter "like" anything that has to do with them (gf and ex), then that appears on my fakebook.

So anyway, that's not what the phone call was about. She went to her doctor yesterday, and this doctor, (I have no idea of what kind of a doctor he is, since the oncologist she was seeing for possible thyroid cancer, gave her an appointment for 6 months in the future) wants me to have a DNA test done to see if I am predisposed to cancer and which ones, because since she has lupus (not totally believing that either, since I was taking care of her while she was being tested for this, and she never had enough markers for a diagnose), if she does get cancer, she will die within 3 months, because that would mean she can't do chemo.

She tells me that it would be billed to her medical insurance. I don't believe that. I checked out the cost, and it is anywhere between $500- $4000.

So, she went to this doctor yesterday. Didn't call me yesterday. Was posting all over fakebook today, sending emails to my sister to join her in Mary Kay, then she calls me tonight at about 7:10 crying hysterically (while driving) about how she needs me to do this for her, then gets to her destination, is totally calm, and said that she'll give me a call tomorrow for my answer.

I should know to expect these types of things. It's like, I, as a mother, how can I refuse to do this, or demand more information.

I got off the phone, I looked at my wooden wall, and wanted to bang my head into it repeatedly.

I don't know why her own DNA will not tell her if she is predisposed to anything. I don't know why if they tell her that she is predisposed to certain cancers, how they can just say they would remove that organ.. I asked her, well, what if my DNA shows that I am predisposed to lung cancer, are they going to take out your lungs. I told her you already know I had breast cancer. Are you going to remove your breast?

Crazy never passes my house by.

Vent over.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy

redatlanta

Uhhhh.

No, just no. This sounds completely ridiculous to me. Getting tested for a predisposition to certain ailments is a personal decision. It doesn't mean you will EVER develop anything. Can be very troubling for people as far as anxiety. I could understand it if there was a history significant enough for illnesses that might be avoided. As you stated she can get her own test - she doesn't need YOUR test.

I think I wouldn't pick up the phone for awhile. There's my answer.

maia1234

Amy,
I am so sorry!!! I have a lot of respect for you that you keep contact with her. She would drive me nuts.

Sending hugs my friend, that is all I can offer.

amy55

I answer that phone for 2 reasons, my mom, and my grandchildren.

Red, thank you so much, that's what I was thinking also, and that is what my reply will be. Get your DNA tested, and if I am needed then have your doctor call me and also guarantee me that it will go on your medical insurance, not mine.

Like I said, I had breast cancer, I was undergoing treatment for this. My mom decided to have her ovaries removed because her sister died of ovarian cancer, she didn't have a DNA test done first. My sister did. It was negative, I believe.

My mind is just so twisted right now, because I know how all this will get twisted around to the family, and you know what. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

Actually looking forward to that "dangerous" flight that I booked.

Tomorrow cell phone was accidentally left in my car. "Sorry ".

amy

amy55

I didn't want to start another thread, because I don't know how capable I am anymore tonight. My mom called me. She said to me that she thinks that I should call my sister about coming down to Florida with me. I said to her "Mom, you know she drives me crazy, I just want to come down and enjoy spending time with you".

I think I did really good with that.

My mom say, but I told her that you were coming down, and that maybe the 2 of you can come together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I found a really good post in my house to bang my head against !!!!!!!!!!!

So since my mother will be 84, I try to respect her wishes. I call my sister. Figure, OK, I can do this for my mom. My sister says she doesn't think so, because she expects to be back at work by July 15th. OK, happy, happy, joy, joy. Dancing to the music here. Then sister called me back. I had given her my plane arrival times, and departure times. She would be flying out of Newark Airport, I'm flying out of a rinky dink airport in Wilkes Barres Pa. I told her there were still available sits.

She tells me that there are no direct flights from Newark Airport to Tampa, and could I cancel my reservations, and we could drive down.

Went to find wooden beam again to smash my head in some more.

No I an not cancelling my flight. No, I am not driving to Florida. I even offered that she could drive here the day before, she complained about the gas money to come to my house.

I want to just scream today, (and I actually did do this), "Mom, I really do love you a lot. Don't ask the impossible from me".

I'm going back to that beam again, and going to hit my head a few more times.

I've tried, I have tried so hard, I just can't satisfy anyone. I need to satisfy myself.

Phone is in the car, no contact day tomorrow for anyone.............Actually phone is in the house, will only answer phone calls from my friend Sandy. We're going out for pizza on Friday.

Going to change my ringtone to mute, except for my friend.

I do know that most of the things that I talk about here, really has nothing to do with what this forum is about.

I really do appreciate all of the responses. I really do. I love you all.

When I was married I was treated like I didn't even exist. It means so much to me to even see some one looked at what I wrote.

I've been divorced for almost 6 years, and I still feel like me, myself, I don't matter to many people.

Anyway, that last phone call "did me in" for the night. I do know why my sister wants to drive to Florida. It's because she wants to meet up with an old boyfriend.

So, going to sleep soon, and trying to empty my brain, or drain it like you would do with a cesspool.

amy

SmallButMighty

You already know what you are going to do. I applaud you for not letting your mom or your sister manipulate your travel plans!

You get yourself there the way YOU planned and if fellow(sister) travelers don't fit into your plans then they can make their own way if they so choose. How they feel about you not conforming for them is NOT your concern.

I know you don't like to fly, but maybe, just maybe, this flight can be a little bit sweeter for you, knowing it was the right thing for YOU. Sweet, joyous, independence. You got this.

*hugs*

maia1234

Amy,
Follow your plans. If anyone want to tag a long to your plans, wonderful. If not maybe another time.

Sending more hugs on your no contact day!!!

And oh yea, You Matter my friend!!!!!

redatlanta

Actually I find relevance in what you write because you are still codependent in your ways of people pleasing. I think its something you should work on.

You weren't put on this planet to try and figure out all problems, and their accompanying solutions. This is the cycle many of us find ourselves in - attempting to make EVERYONE HAPPY at the sacrifice of our own happiness.

Rationalizing situations (my mom is 84 and she already told my sister). You sister drives you crazy? Sorry, no go on a trip with her. Your sister suggests you dump your plans to accommodate HER. Forget it. No. Not doing it. YO have your ticket and your date. You are looking forward to it. If your sister insists on coming then you can't do much about that I suppose, but it sounds like unless YOU are willing to drive her ass down there he isn't coming. OH WELL.

Here's how is goes - " am flying down flying out of XYZ....oh you want me to change my flight? Nah - but there may be another seat on the plane. YOU'll have to check on that. Drive down? (laugh heartily), no not interested. Accommodate your schedule? Sorry, I can't. Fly out of an airport that is convenient to you? No, Im flying out of an airport that is convenient to ME".

Your inability to say no to things you do NOT want to do is a source of great anxiety and guilt.

You need boundaries with your family. They have been trained that "AMY GIVES IN", Amy will accommodate anything, no one has to be inconvenienced but Amy, Amy has a hard time saying no, Amy never says no.

Be the Amy that says NO. You'll be a much happier person.

LexieCat

I gotta say, I'm with red on this one. It's OK to say no. It's OK for you to say no to things even if it disappoints someone else. It's OK for other people to be annoyed with you. They will get over it.

It's ESPECIALLY OK to end these endless conversations when you are getting your arm twisted or people are trying to manipulate/guilt you into something. "Sorry, I have to go, mom, this is when I can travel so I'll see you on XX, if sis wants to come down she can make her own arrangements."

dandylion

This brings back memories for me....of...
The many times that I would get off the phone with my sisters (half sisters).....with smoke literally coming out of my ears....and, my husband would just put his arm around me and remind me...."Dandylion, your sisters are crazy".

That one simple thing would get me re-oriented....It helped me remember that it was about them and not me....
I sooo wish that I had really known that when I was younger....it could have spared me much heartache.....

LOL...he used to refer to them as "The Simpson sisters".....you know--Marge's blue haired sisters that are always ragging on Homer, in "The Simpsons".....

Amy....what your sister just did...reminds me exactly of something that my sister would have done. I could tell you some stories----

dandylion

Ariesagain

"No" is a complete sentence.

I'm struggling with this one myself, with my aging parents in crisis at the moment and total strangers having all kinds of suggestions as to how I should solve it (my father's doctor just suggested I move in with them for a month to gauge my father's response to medication...I live four states away AND one or the other of us would not survive probably me). So I get it.

You know your daughter is nuts. You know she has these dramas du jour. You getting DNA testing isn't going to do anything except cost you a bunch of money. I would give her just enough neutral agreement to buy you time until she's on to the next fake crisis, which shouldn't take long.

I'm sorry. You're a saint, because I would have lost it and loudly a long time ago. There are so many people who are actually living with these diseases and conditions (or dying from them) that someone co-opting them to get attention makes me see red. Of course, it's entirely possible she doesn't even know she's doing it.

Sending you a hug.

tomsteve

even though I have hadda serious battle with cancer, im not very well educated about cancer. what I had to do was fill out a jillion questions on family history( it went pretty deep into aunts and uncles of my mom and dad) and seeing I had an aunt die in 1953 from melanoma, the ONLY thing that determined is my family should be careful about it.
I didn't have any family members do DNA tests, but maybe things have changed since 2006?

AND it did absolutely NOTHING to treat the cancer.

hopeful4

Friend, we love you, and I am so sorry your family finds the need to drive you nuts!

I completely agree with what Lexie just said. You do your own thing, if your sister wants to get there, let her come on her own. Not your problem. Be strong.

You daughter's insurance will not be paying to test you for anything, that's a complete pile. You know your daughter has hypochondriac tendencies, so I would just try to minimize contact with her regarding this. You own your own health, she has to own hers.

As far as FB, I don't know if you realize or not, you can actually hide someone from your timeline. That way, anything they post will not show up, yet you don't have to defriend them. I have done that to my step niece b/c I could not stand her filthy mouth. Works like a charm.

Many hugs friend. Take some time away from these people who cause you stress. That is absolutely ok and acceptable.

amy55

I'm feeling much better today.

"No", I'm not going to do the genetic testing. She can have her own testing done, and since I really do think she is a hypochondriac, I'm sure they will find enough wrong with her and give her more conditions to brag about. She'll also be too busy having those organs removed. (lol). I mean after all, she already knows she has the mthfr gene. I would only consider doing this after she has genetic testing, and then a Dr, a real Dr, can explain to me, why testing me would be necessary.

She told me that she is having a hysterectomy, why? I don't know. I told her that her great grandmother died of ovarian cancer, and so did an aunt. That if she is worried about ovarian cancer, have them remove your ovaries while you are having a hysterectomy. I am going to tell her if she is that worried about cancer, that there are many organs that you can have removed and live without them. I'm going to tell her to have them all removed then, if that is what she wants to do. I'm also going to tell her that since she is worried about thyroid cancer, have the thyroid removed. You really don't need that organ anyways. I know she may not speak to me after this, and I can do another happy dance. I don't think any Dr will agree to just remove anything that you don't want anymore because you may develop cancer. And oh, btw, I am not telling her that I am going to Florida. If there is anything worse then being with my sister for a week, it's being with my daughter for a week. (I do know my mom will tell her though, but maybe she will be too busy having organs removed)

"No", I am not cancelling my flight and accommodating my sister. The airline I booked on gave me 24 hrs to cancel the flight for a full refund. That time period past. If I cancel now, I lose the $166. that I paid, would then have to pay for a tank of gas to go to my sisters house in NJ, then would either be paying over $300 for a roundtrip to Fl, or would spend a lot of money on gas driving to Fl, getting a hotel room, halfway down, and another hotel room for the trip back.
Those options don't work for me.

My sister was laid off from her job the beginning of June. She lives 20 minutes from Newark airport. If she wanted to go to FL, she can do this at anytime. Going with me would not be any cheaper for her, since she would not be paying for a hotel room in Florida, that we could split. She would have a place to stay.

That fakebook thing, I didn't know that. Thanks for letting me know about that. The only reason I joined fakebook was so that I can remember all of my cousins kids names, and so I could see baby pics. I don't post there.

Tom, I went through 2 cancers in 2000, and a DVT (blood clot in my leg), I asked at that time if I should have this genetic testing done, because my aunt died a few years before that of ovarian cancer. He told me "no", that is wasn't necessary.

So, a lot calmer here today. I muted my phone.

I am going to enjoy my flight, and my visit with my mom, I'll also get to see my other sister, her husband, and my nephew and his family.

It really is nice to be able to post here and talk to sane people instead of the insane people that call me. (lol)

(((((((((((hugs to all of you))))))))))))
amy

theuncertainty

LOL Wouldn't that be the Bouvier Sisters?

Amy, I think you did pretty darn well. Progress, not perfection. It sounds like it was really, really draining, but you did stick to your plans.


Hope pizza with your friend tomorrow gives you a chance to sit back and r e e e l a x *stretches and takes a deep breath* ((((hugs))))

dandylion

theuncertainty.....Yes, you are right about that....but, his name for them was "The Simpson sisters".......(because that is what he remembered).....lol.... Plus, he was in a play, once, where there two very neurotic sisters (as c haracters), and they were called the Simpson sisters!
Ladies of considerable "charm".....no?

dandylion

amy55

I went onto fakebook today so that I could "hide" my daughter.

I get on fakebook, and I see an entry, and all I can think about is that song, "I wanna be sedated, 24, 24 hours a day, I wanna be sedated."

OK, so what did I see????

(lol)

I see a posting from someone that I have never heard of in my entire life, that is claiming to be my daughter's sister, (not sistah), but sister. I'm Ok with all of this. After all my ex's gf, is called mom, and they aren't even married. But anyway, this person that I have never in my life heard my daughter talk about, who just joined fakebook today, is recruiting people to join my daughter in selling Mary Kay stuff. I checked this persons profile. She only has one friend, my daughter. I think my daughter set up this account. But hey, I'm nuts anyway. (lol)

Aries, you were right, new drama du jour. No, she has not called at all today. Not that I would answer that call, but I might have, just to tell her "No". I also did enough research to see how ridiculous that request was. If I could do a DNA test to prove that she wasn't my daughter, I would have been there yesterday !!!!!!



vent over again. I remember one time my friend Sandy told me I really do believe you because no one can make up this chit.

New song for the day, "I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know if I'll come back again". (So I changed the words a little, lol)

((((((((hugs))))))))
amy